Discerning Trust

With the kids back in school, the river is much quieter. I had been up very early, brought Asherel to her class, and then to her driving test (which she passed!), and had a free hour to dash off to kayak. The turtles seem to know when school is back in session. They lounge about on the logs a little less fearfully, and I came very close to several before they decided to submerge. However, one very large turtle sunning on a log had his eyes closed as I crept up to him. I knew as soon as he heard my oars, however quietly I lay them in the water, he would open his eyes and plunk into the river. Slowly his eyes opened as I approached. Three feet away- he still sat on the log watching me. Two feet away- he still sat on the log watching me. One foot away- he turned his snakelike neck and looked at me. I looked at him. Neither of us moved. I drifted closer and closer, amazed at the beauty of the subtle lines and patterns and colors on his shell and body that one can't see from further away. I could have reached out and touched him.

Finally, I slowly edged on upstream. He watched me go, and then his eyes drifted closed again. That is one trusting turtle! I know people that would have grabbed him and made soup. But somehow, he seemed to know I was only greeting him, and would not hurt him. It struck me that he was a very wise turtle. One does not become such a large turtle by being stupid.

Discerning trust. You really can't trust many things, or many people. Evil does exist. There are people who want to use you for the delicious soup they can squeeze out of you! The recent events in Syria have been very disturbing on many levels. Who can we trust in that region? I think we cannot trust anyone there. There are horrific human rights' atrocities by all sides.

We put our trust in so many things that will fail us: Money, health, jobs, youth, beauty, even friends and family. There is one single place of absolute safety for our precious trust: God alone. He alone will not fail us or forsake us. He alone holds our eternity in His hands.

I circled back to see if I could get a close-up photo of the giant turtle. He eyed me, let me approach again, but as soon as I clicked the picture, he slipped into the river. To grow so large, one must be discerning in who to trust.

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I trust God, so I am not afraid of what people can do to me! (Psalms 56:11 ERV)

Even if a whole army surrounds me, I will not be afraid; even if enemies attack me, I will still trust God. I have asked the Lord for one thing; one thing only do I want: to live in the Lord 's house all my life, to marvel there at his goodness, and to ask for his guidance. (Psalms 27:3, 4 GNBDK)


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Goose Control

I was walking around the college campus waiting for Asherel's class to end a couple of days ago. I found a lovely little lake, tree lined, right out the back of the college. The one problem was the sidewalk was marred by green clumps of goose poop. There were geese all over the place. Still, I don't mind geese, and I was enjoying the peaceful serene scene. Suddenly, there was a raucous blast of terrifyingly loud goose noises. It made me nearly jump out of my shoes. It sounded like a very aggressive goose on steroids was going ballistic. However, the geese were all just standing around, looking bored. Then I noticed speakers all along the back wall of the college. The speakers were blasting aggressive goose noises, I presume to frighten away the geese and their poop. From what I could tell, it wasn't working.

I had also noticed several dog cutouts scattered about the grounds. Some were even on springs, so that the breeze could make them bob and look real. The geese were quietly chomping grass, and pooping, right next to the bobbing dogs. So much for the attempts of our higher education system to deal with this problem. I wondered if Asherel was getting her money's worth here.... (actually, since it is public funded dual enrollment for qualified high schoolers, it is free).

The geese, in the face of fake predators, were completely under-awed. I was quite astounded by the lengths to which the college was going to make the geese feel threatened, and all to no avail. I wondered if anyone was collecting data to show that perhaps their money could be diverted to some more useful project, like reducing the cost of a single math book from $200 to something halfway less likely to cause brain hemorrhage. This was, in my mind, a clear-cut case of distorted priorities.

And really, the college is not alone in distorted priorities. I would hazard to say that most of us have our priorities skewed. I suspect most of us are constructing elaborate defenses against inconsequential enemies while the real war we should be fighting is ignored. There is a cosmic battle going on right now, in every one of us, for our souls. Evil is a living and voracious enemy, and it loves for us to be diverted by the silly preoccupations of our distracted hearts. I think every choice we make is a skirmish in the war of Good and Evil. The battle belongs to The Lord and if we are not trusting in His armor, putting our faith in His strength...we are dog statues, bouncing on springs while our enemy laughs at us. I think every battle we fight on our own power is like blasting fake goose taunts at geese who know better.
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For I do not do the good I want, but I do the very evil I do not want! Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer me doing it but sin that lives in me. So, I find the law that when I want to do good, evil is present with me. For I delight in the law of God in my inner being. But I see a different law in my members waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!.... (Romans 7:19-25 NET)

The Lord deserves praise! Day after day he carries our burden, the God who delivers us. (Selah) Our God is a God who delivers; the Lord, the sovereign Lord, can rescue from death. Indeed God strikes the heads of his enemies, the hairy foreheads of those who persist in rebellion. (Psalms 68:19-21 NET)





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The Nature of Fear

I met with a friend who was willing to help me understand Microsoft Word better. The book I am editing is a "Word document", and I am very computer un-savy. Besides that, my document was composed on an iPad using a "Pages" word processing program, and then converted to a Word document to send to my laptop for editing. In the process, most of the document converted just fine, but there are some codes in Pages that apparently Word just doesn't quite understand. It is sort of like trying to understand what a parrot is saying when he is imitating human language...sometimes it comes out as "Polly haunts a slacker". Close, but not quite right, and if you aren't accustomed to talking with Parrots, sometimes it is impossible to comprehend.

For example, I had a line of asterisks at the bottom of two of my pages that I could not delete. It was like they were possessed. I could click on the text above the line of asterisks or below the line of asterisks, and easily delete those...but could not click *on* the line of asterisks themselves. I could delete the entire document, and still, that haunted line of asterisks remained. Filled with fear that I would ruin everything trying to correct that one thing, I gave up. The book would just have to be published with those strange lines of asterisks that I hadn't asked to be there, and didn't want to be there, but was too ignorant and fearful to remove.

Well my friend Brian is a computer genius. He could format a word document while hanging upside down with his eyes closed and his wrists bound together. He is a consummate teacher and loves what computers can do, and wished very much to show me that I should no longer be fearful and repulsed by Microsoft Word. For two hours, he showed me amazing things, miraculous things, things one just cannot believe an inanimate object could manage. Half of the problems of my document were wiped away with a single key stroke! He knew instantly what the haunted asterisks were, and knew just how to solve the problem of deleting them. And then he urged me, all by myself despite fear and trembling, to hit the key that removed the second haunted line of asterisks.
And I did it! All by myself! Praise God! (and Brian!)

Of course, when he first started to mess around with the book that I have been laboring over for years, I sweetly warned him, "Remember, if you hurt this document, I will have to torch your home."
"It is saved," he assured me, "Any changes I make, if we don't like them, we shut the program, and it will revert to your saved document."
"Ok, but I am scared...." I whimpered.
He looked surprised, "Don't be scared! Look we will make a copy to play with so you don't have to be nervous."

And while I was on pins and needles the whole time wondering if my document would survive, I needn't have been. Brian is expert, and not only improved my document but showed me how to do many wonderful improvements myself. He told me often over the two hours that the very best way to learn to do this was to practice, learn the key shortcuts, play with the program. I told him I was always so afraid to do anything for fear of losing the whole document. He patiently showed me there are ways to insure that doesn't happen.

Later, I thought about not only all I had learned about Microsoft Word, but also about the nature of fear. Fear quite often arises out of what we don't understand or the unfamiliar. I remember the first time I kayaked, I was terrified. The boat rocked in such an unfamiliar way, I was certain I would be dumped in the river. With experience, I learned that kayaks rock, but it is very hard to tip over a flat water kayak. Had I succumbed to my fears, I would never have taken up one of my favorite things to do in the whole wide world.

The Bible is giving important advice when it warns us that God has not given us a spirit of fear. It may be an inconsequential thing, overcoming the fear of word processing programs, but the underlying lesson is important. There are certainly legitimate things to fear, but fear can be a tool of Satan that keeps us from doing what we should be doing to better ourselves, better the world, and better our Word documents.

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For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (II Timothy 1:7 NKJV)





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What Charcoal Drawing Can Teach Us

Yesterday, I was working with Asherel on the joys of charcoal drawing. She was not nearly as overjoyed as I was, and after half an hour, decided she was done with the joys of charcoal drawing. However I worked on for another hour because I just love to draw, and charcoal is a very forgiving medium. It is easily erased, and instantly creates interesting tones, shadows, and highlights. The subject matter didn't matter at all...it was just plain fun seeing what I could do with charcoal.

However, I think I am a dismal failure in trying to convey that exploring the possibilities of a medium is more important sometimes than the subject. Asherel had no interest in drawing something that she wasn't particularly excited about drawing, and it didn't matter that the medium itself was amazing and tantalizing.

I heard a snippet from a speech by Martin Luther King a few days ago. I can't quote it verbatim, but essentially, he said that no job should be beneath us. Whatever on earth we are given to do, do it wholeheartedly to the best of our ability. If you are street sweeper, be the best street sweeper you can be. That is sort of what I was trying to teach, however poorly, to Asherel about charcoal.

And I think it has biblical validity as well. In all our hands find to do, we are to do with all our heart as for The Lord, and not for men. Proverbs 31 even tells us that our works praise us! There is intrinsic value in doing our best, no matter what is set before us. I think it is perhaps a mistake to wait for "inspiration" or even inclination. What is set before us is our task, and we should do it with wholehearted abandon. I think perhaps we should spend less time seeking to do only what we love, and more time loving what we do. There is a difference, and I think understanding that holds a key to contentment.

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They solemnly agreed to seek the Lord God of their ancestors with their whole heart and being. (2 Chronicles 15:12 NET)

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised. Give her the reward of her labor, and let her works praise her at the city gates. (Proverbs 31:30, 31 HCSB)

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Abundant Life

The fog had not yet lifted when I went to the river yesterday. I wanted to beat the heat and the crowds. It was beautiful. Almost no current, still, and muffled in the fog. I glided along the shore among kingfishers, turtles, Osprey, and herons. A few fishermen were out, but otherwise I had the lake to myself.

Many trees have been uprooted along the shore with the heavy rains this summer. I saw one dead stump poking out of the water, and miraculously, rising off the stump was a vibrant living branch. The stump was half rotted. How on earth had that beautiful living tree managed to erupt from such a damaged base? And it was not just a twig or two with a few drooping leaves; it was a little tree bursting and overflowing with new leaves, catching the first sparkles of sun glinting through the fog.

Nature is so replete with symbols of God's provision and salvation. Out of the most wretched, troubled, despicable, hell-bent past, He can restore abundant life. Out of death, life is reborn. Overflowing, magnificent, profuse life.

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They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights. (Psalm 36:8 ESV)

A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit. The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him— the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of might, the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the Lord — and he will delight in the fear of the Lord. He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes, or decide by what he hears with his ears; but with righteousness he will judge the needy, with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth. He will strike the earth with the rod of his mouth; with the breath of his lips he will slay the wicked. Righteousness will be his belt and faithfulness the sash around his waist. The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them. The cow will feed with the bear, their young will lie down together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox. The infant will play near the cobra’s den, and the young child will put its hand into the viper’s nest. They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain, for the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea. (Isaiah 11:1-9 NIV)

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Mercy and Grace

The first little clay 12 week fetus models I made were not very good. The smaller one's head broke off, as did her arm. I had not learned to smooth the clay well yet, so she was all pitted, cracked, and lumpy. The second larger model was better, but shared some unfortunate lumps and folds that should not have been there. So when I brought my first batch of babies to the Right To Life sidewalk counselor, I held back those first two. They were not good enough.

Still, they had a life-like feel to them, and I decided I would try to fix them rather than throw them away. Somehow, it seemed wrong to just toss such human looking creatures, even inanimate ones. I went to Michaels, the craft store, and found special glue, air dry clay for small corrections, Mod Podge for sealing cracks, and new clay tools to make future babies better. I didn't know if any of it would work, but wanted to have a go at it. They were so little and defenseless...it just didn't seem I should give up on them just because they were imperfect.

So first I replaced the broken head and arm. I glued them back in position. A day later when the glue dried, the parts stayed on, but the huge crack where they were joined was gruesome looking. So next, I used air dry clay to fill in the gaps. The little baby was missing her nose, so I fashioned a teeny tiny nose and stuck it carefully in place. I used the same air dry clay to cover the larger baby's incorrect folds and lumps. A day later, the clay was dry, but of course, a different color than the rest of the babies' bodies. I would have to paint them. Before painting them, I carefully sanded away the lines where the two different clays joined, and sanded the pits and irregularities on the lumpy figures. I apologized to them as I did so because I am sure sanding away imperfections hurts like heck...but it had to be done or they would never be smooth.

Now it was time to paint. The models are only 2 inches long, so I used my tiniest paintbrush and carefully painted skin tone, with a little redness in the cheeks and mouth. I painted tiny shadows between the fingers and in the ears. A day later, when the paint was dry, I painted a layer of Mod Podge sealant all over my little babies. I propped them up so they could dry without sticking to the table. It was a long process, and at times, rather tedious. It did not always look as if it would work. I was never certain they would turn out exactly as I hoped.

In the end, the little babies were not at all bad. They took about ten times as long to make as the ones I had done for the Right to Life counselor, and perhaps didn't look quite as good. Still, they were a whole lot better than they had started off and I had learned quite a lot about restoration of broken things. And the strange thing was that after all that work and effort, I decided I would keep these two little babies. They had become very dear to me, so carefully and lovingly saved from the garbage. They would remind me that for the Creator, sometimes the most precious souls are the ones that others might discard. Sometimes the ones most in need of His mercy and grace are the very ones that His love could transform most dramatically.

Our sermon Sunday was by a visiting pastor. He was Puerto Rican. He had been an atheist, and involved in very bad things. Almost committed murder, hard drug use, and even drug dealing. But the word of God kept attacking him, searing his conscience, over and over in unexpected ways. Even the snippets he would hear of televangelists preaching the Gospel would reduce him to tears. In the end, he repented and believed, and gave his life to God. He went to seminary and became a pastor. And when he spoke of God's grace and mercy in saving him, the worst of sinners, he choked up (as did most of the congregation.) I suspect everyone, at least those like me who came to The Lord as an adult, remembered a life of sin they deeply regretted. Sometimes the ones most in need of His mercy and grace are the very ones that HIs love could transform most dramatically...and really, we *all* are most in need of His mercy and grace.

I put the little hand-painted babies on my shelf and knew what I would name them. Of course! Mercy, and Grace.

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God is all mercy and grace— not quick to anger, is rich in love. God is good to one and all; everything he does is suffused with grace. My mouth is filled with God ’s praise. Let everything living bless him, bless his holy name from now to eternity! (Psalm 145:8, 9, 21 MSG)



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The River

"When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll..."

Those are great words, I thought, as I kayaked, humming the wonderful hymn. I liked the symbolism of water being both peaceful and sorrowful. It is the way of life. Sometimes the river is filled with joy and gentle rivers, and sometimes it is a raging sea of sorrow.

"Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul...."

The river is the path and it may rage or comfort. We may be tossed or we may be rocked.

On the way upstream, I had a strong wind at my back. It was effortless. When I turned back, expecting the current to carry my weary body effortlessly back to the dock, I faced a stiff wind. It was a greater struggle than I had planned for. I had expended all my energy going out. I didn't think I had enough strength left to fight on the way back as well. Sometimes, that's the way it goes.

"Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!"

As I reached the shore, I lay my paddle on my lap and let the waves rock the boat against the grassy landing. I felt like I didn't have the strength to stand up, so I sat awhile in the kayak and let the river rock me.

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I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.” (Jeremiah 31:25 NIV)


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