Things that go Bump in the Night

Our crazy old terrier, Lucky, has started a new endearing activity. In the middle of the night, he wanders the house, mostly our bedroom, poking his nose at things and knocking them over. Two nights ago, we slept very little because of Lucky poking with his nose. He poked at the little garbage can till it plopped over spewing tissues and paper. He poked at some books, skittering them to the floor. He poked at my guitar, playing a chord, and not such a pleasant one at 2 a.m.  At that point, he was banned from the room, but we still heard poking, whining, and crashing.  In the morning, I found another overturned trash can that he had poked in the living room. We don't know why he is suddenly marauding in the night as the wire faced poker. We are not thrilled. It is hard to be patient with such a nutcase.

During the day, he has a new habit as well. He follows us around, and when we stop, he pokes his nose in the back of our knees. When we move forward, he follows like a shadow. When we become annoyed because every time we turn, we are tripping over Lucky, he looks at us through his mop of wild terrier hair with a completely unconcerned look on his face. It is clear he doesn't think he has gone bonkers.

He doesn't seem sick or in pain. He just seems ... clingy, and plumb crazy. And the more he begs for attention, the less I want to give it. He is so needy that it is overwhelming. None of us can meet his need for constant affirmation.

As I was on a walk with Honeybun, I thought about how she is just the opposite.  She is aloof, and doesn't want us to pet her, especially around her head. She follows us and settles always in the same room where we are, but she doesn't whine, ask to be petted, or poke her nose to make things clatter to the ground so we will give her attention.

I am sorry to say that I am a Lucky. I need a lot of affirmation, and a constant stream of "good girl!" to feel I am worthy. I want to be a Honeybun -- content and secure in the knowledge that I am loved. I was considering the implications and reasons for this, and then reminded myself that we all seek applause to one degree or another. It is hard to remember that the only applause that really matters is from God.  I don't know if He physically is in Heaven clapping for us, but we do know that whenever anyone makes the choice to follow Him, the angels rejoice. So I am already getting heavenly kudos! And while I couldn't find any verse that specifically says God applauds, there are a few that say He rejoices over us and even sings in delight over us! Even when we make a mess of our lives, and bump into those things we shouldn't be bumping, He continues to love us and delight in us.

I will try to keep that model in mind when Lucky is playing the guitar at midnight again.

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Zephaniah 3:17

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁷ The Lord your God is with you,
    the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
    in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
    but will rejoice over you with singing.”

Why God Sent Me There

After my sister and daughter ganged up on me to insist I needed a hearing aid, I went for a screening test yesterday. While I was in the sound booth and the specialist was playing tones in my ear through headsets, I was on the verge of a panic attack. I knew I was losing the sound when it went into the upper ranges. And the booth was not very big. I was wondering if I was sucking out all the oxygen. If it was soundproof...was it oxygen-proof as well?

Finally the test ended. Not a moment too soon. I was pretty sure little air was still left. We went to the sweet audiologist's office to go over my results. She showed me my hearing graph. I don't need extra volume at all. My hearing at all levels of loudness is normal. However, the clarity of sound hearing is in the moderate loss zone. She told me in all honesty that half of the people in my range don't need or want hearing aids. Half of them do benefit however.

The place where I went has a great new program where I can try an aid for two weeks with no charge, no strings attached. If I find it worthwhile, I buy one. If not, I go home, a tad hard of hearing but none the poorer. As we chatted, she found out I was a writer and asked what kinds of books I write.

"Well, really they are all about God, but told through true stories. My first one was about a rescue dog we saved who turned vicious, and it is about the trials and struggles trying to rehabilitate her. But it is really about how God teaches and reveals Himself through hard times."

The sweet lady grew a little teary, and said, "I want to show you this, not to make you sad, but to show you how much I get what you are saying." She held up a framed photo of her with a handsome young man.

"This is my son," she said, "He was 18 in this picture. He was killed in October by a car while on a mission trip. I lost my husband 4 years ago. It was very hard...but I learned not to ask God 'why', but 'what'.....what do I do now in the face of this? And I learned that you cannot bear it, but you can get through it, and He is with you."

What is left to say?

She always wanted to write a book, and wondered if she should write this story.
"I have always believed," I told her, "That the only thing I understand about tragedy is that it feels less meaningless if I can help others going through what I endured."
"Yes," she agreed.
I gave her some pointers on how to get started on her book, and made an appointment to come back to be fitted with my free trial hearing aid.

"Now I know why you were meant to be here today," said the audiologist.
My thoughts exactly.

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Psalm 55: 4-8, 16-18, 22
4 My heart is in anguish within me;
 the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
5 Fear and trembling come upon me,
and horror overwhelms me.
6 And I say, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest;
7 yes, I would wander far away;
I would lodge in the wilderness;
8 I would hurry to find a shelter
from the raging wind and tempest."
16 But I call to God,
and the Lord will save me.
17 Evening and morning and at noon
I utter my complaint and moan,
and he hears my voice.
18 He redeems my soul in safety
from the battle that I wage,
22 Cast your burden on the Lord,
and he will sustain you;
 he will never permit
the righteous to be moved.

The Path to Life

A deaf mother and her brood of 6 deaf little children were on the sidewalk yesterday of the abortion mill, praying for the babies destined to die. She spoke and read lips well, so we could communicate a little. She even taught me a few signs. I wondered what the abortion-minded mothers thought as they pulled into the Killing Place to see a little cherub, dressed in a pink tutu, with her brothers and sisters all standing for LIFE. None of them could hear, but they could see right from wrong.

One man came over to speak to me and one other counselor. He said he had driven his friend for the abortion, though if it were his choice, the baby would live. He was not the father and had no say. We pleaded with him to go back in and show the woman our literature, encourage her to come out for our free ultrasound. The abortionist had not yet arrived. There was still time! He thanked us, told us what we were doing would be blessed by God, but it was not for him to make up the woman's mind for her, since she was the only one who would have to live with her decision.

"But the baby will die for her decision. Her decision does not affect her alone. Please, go back in, try to convince her," I begged. He was pleasant and gentle with us, but he did not go in to try again to save the child. He did take our literature for post-abortive women.

We watched in dismay as the abortionist pulled in to the parking lot. As he walked into the clinic, another counselor told me that once he had stopped to talk to her. He had handed her a tract. It was urging people to fight for him to be reinstated as an OB-GYN at the local hospital. He had lost his license TWICE, and he insisted it was because he was Indian. (I read the reports for why he lost his license -- he had been reviewed by two separate commissions, and both found malpractice or concerns in a full 1/5th of his cases where he was the chief doctor.) The counselor told me there is even a restraining order against him stepping on hospital property. Dr. Virmani told my friend that if we wanted to protest something, protest his license revocation. 

If it weren't for that, he told her, he would be delivering babies instead of killing them.

Let that sink in, friends.


I prayed that his heart would be changed as I watched him walk into the clinic. I called out, "Please, get back in your car and drive away. Do not do this terrible thing."

He did not. But one couple came out a short time later and told us they had decided not to go through with it. They had chosen life. One baby appointed for death was spared that day.

I pondered what Dr. Virmani had said to my fellow sidewalk counselor. His sin seems horrific to me, but all sin is horrific to God. What struck me is that his rationalization was not so different from how all of us rationalize our sin: It is not our fault. We had no choice. Our circumstances gave us no options but to choose sin. If everyone around us were more supportive, less annoying, less unkind,  or if we had more money, or more opportunities, or more this, more that, less this, less that, etc etc etc...we would not be forced to sin this way!

In the end, the choice is really not as unclear as we pretend it is. We choose God or not God. We choose good or evil. We choose life or death. There are always reasons why sin seems alluring but it is never the path we should follow. Praise God that at least one mother Monday took the path for life. And an entire family who could not hear somehow heard His voice and came to pray at that terrible place.

********

Psalm 50: 19-23
19 "You give your mouth free rein for evil,
 and your tongue frames deceit.
20 You sit and speak against your brother;
you slander your own mother's son.
21 These things you have done, and I have been silent;
you thought that I was one like yourself.
But now I rebuke you and lay the charge before you.
22 "Mark this, then, you who forget God,
lest I tear you apart, and there be none to deliver!
23 The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me;
to one who orders his way rightly
I will show the salvation of God!"

Be Brave

The weather is crazy lately. Arctic cold last week, and yesterday in the 60s. The dogs and I sat out in the front yard and watched the sun sparkle on the grass, still damp from melted snow. It reminded me why I love nice weather. I was glad that we had taken down our Christmas decorations from the front porch (yesterday.) It is time to usher in the end of winter. I don't know what the groundhog said....I had forgotten yesterday was Groundhog Day, but I think given the severity of the winter, it would only be fair for it to be short this year.

As soon as I settled on the front porch, the dogs pawed at the front door, begging to come sit with me in the sun. They are both getting a little old now. So am I. the sun feels good on our joints. I had come across a verse in the morning that really warmed my soul. It was perfect to think about as I sat in the warm sun with my two old dogs. It was from the book of Isaiah.

Even when you turn gray I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save. Isaiah 46:4

We will be loved and cared for, even through all the struggles, and indignities of aging, crumbling bodies. He who made us, will carry and save us, and even death will not part us from Him. What a glorious comfort, I thought, as I leaned back with my eyes closed.

Then I opened them. Where were my old dogs? One who had been on a tie had slipped her collar and was wandering the side yard. The other had broken through the electric fence and was wandering the neighbor's yard. I corralled them and brought them back to where they belonged.

This morning, I head back out to the abortion mill to plead with abortion minded women to choose life. I had the weirdest dream last night. A friend drove her car into a lake, and no one would dive in to save the dog that was in the crate in the car. I dove in, and found the dog underwater. I brought him to the surface, and started CPR, but he was clearly dead. And then, he began breathing and lived…. And somehow had morphed into an elephant. I was shocked that no one else had jumped in the water to save him, and then amazed that my efforts had led to life. I think this is God telling me:  be brave.

Be brave in the warm sun and the cold snow, be brave in struggles, be brave in aging ills, be brave in raising children....and old dogs. Be brave for God is with you.

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Genesis 28:15
15 Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."

Psalm 50: 14-15
14 Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving,
and perform your vows to the Most High,
15 and call upon me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me."

Treasures in Heaven

Prom dress shopping with my dress phobic daughter. Need I say more?

This is hard enough with typical girly type girls. You cannot imagine the....joy....prom dress shopping with a girl who thinks dressing up is washing her jeans. However, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and I must admit, when I walked in the dress shop where the friend had told us to meet her, I felt my heart sink. Bling, over-the-top sparkle, bangles, chiffons, and full flounce assaulted my tender eyes. People wear this stuff...? Without laughing?

There was not an understated, sweet-16 sort of dress in sight. Asherel did not look happy. And added to the joy of dress shopping, an activity she enjoys only marginally more than cutting off her head with a dull blade, there was a LINE twenty minutes long into the dressing room. We both took a deep breath and sighed. We would make the best of it.

As I shuffled through the racks showing her one dress after another, Asherel spoke not a word, other than: no no no NO, NO, NO, NO, NONONONONO....Sometimes the well-practiced eye-roll was sufficient.

We finally made our way to the twenty minute line of giggling, batty eyed teens waiting to try on their dresses. We had 4 dresses in our arms. The only way we had 4 was Asherel would occasionally shrug her shoulders instead of her various vocal expressions of NO. I grabbed the dresses that received shrug shoulder acquiescence.

In the end she found a fairly simple and quite lovely dress. It was my favorite. I was a little surprised when she chose the one I would have chosen. I tried not to gag at the dresses others were trying on as we made our way out to the cashier. It seemed unkind to tell them ...well, it would be unkind to even tell you....

"Are you sure this is the one you want?" I asked.
"Yes," she said, "If it means I don't have to do this again."
You would think I was the one who had insisted she attend the prom. I assure you, I was not. I would have preferred to take her and her date kayaking. I would even have bought them a blueberry slushie afterwards...on me!

Maybe I am old. I just find it obscene to spend money on a fancy dress you will wear ONCE, especially when  the wearer would prefer to be in jeans and a tshirt, barefoot, and DEFINITELY not wearing lipstick. Why do we do what we do to ourselves? We spend so much time, money, and effort, on things that will ultimately be tossed in the closet and forgotten. Even worse, at times, they are things we don't even really want to do!

Meanwhile, I got several updates from my friend, the sidewalk counselor at the abortion mill. An abortion minded mother was viewing the free ultrasound with the image of her baby! Pray! Pray she would choose life! I prayed, thinking of how they needed sixteen more ICU mobile ultrasound vans, but they cost $20k each. Nearly 90% of those who view their baby on the ultrasound choose life.
As I read the text, girls around me viewed themselves in the dressing room's full length mirror, swirling in gaudy expensive dresses with crinoline skirts that fanned out like umbrellas around their legs.

Later, I saw the new message on my phone: the mother chose to keep her baby! What an eternal blessing!

******

Matthew 6:19-20

¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

Be Light!

I am very weary of fighting against our culture. (But I'm liking the picture I drew out of my angst.)

I am a runner, and there are some days, when I am filled with joy, muscles alive and strong, and I race out the door with the energy and grace of a gazelle. But many days, more so as I age, I creak out the door, joints aching, muscles tired and sore, and it feels like I am slogging through quicksand. This is what parenting is like in a culture filled with moral decay, attraction to violence, depravity, and evil.

I have been increasingly concerned about the choices Christian youth are making, specifically the attraction to horror/vampire/occult/violent movies/music/games. I am having a hard time distinguishing the Christian kids' choices from the choices of those who don't believe Jesus died for their sins, rose again, and saved them through grace and mercy in that atoning sacrifice. (and btw, not just the kids...) If Jesus is real, and if God loves us so much that even while we were yet in our headstrong rebellion, He offered us a way out, eternal life...how should we then behave? What sorts of things should our eyes, and ears, and minds be soaking in?

Philippians 4:8
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

I would challenge anyone who feels that horror films with the intent to scare one witless, or violent games, or music with lyrics filled with sex/violence/hatred/cursing is appropriate entertainment for those who love God to show me the scriptural support. I do not understand how they cannot see that a continual feast upon these images desensitizes the heart. Why are they not appalled to see depictions of murder, death, and evil? I do not understand.

I feel like I am running a race in quicksand...alone...with everyone else running in the opposite direction. Meanwhile, babies are being slaughtered by the thousands each day in abortion mills as our culture becomes increasingly apathetic, but eager for more entertainment of death and horror. You want to watch horror and fearful terrible evil, young people? Go stand in front of an abortion mill. Be a voice for those who cannot speak.

I love Philippians 4:8, and often trot that verse out when I am trying to teach my kids discernment in what sorts of activities, books, movies, songs, etc. they should let their minds dwell upon. There are many more verses that guide us in where our minds should focus. Guaranteed, what our heart dwells upon, what we take in, the images, and lyrics, and ideas we see and hear and read will become a part of us. Why would we as Christians want to bring in fear, death, the occult, violence, depravity, destruction, terror? What possible edifying inspiration can come of this?

My heart is so burdened for our youth. Please young believers, the choices you make add up. Choose whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise. Jesus loves you and has sanctified you. He has set you apart for a purpose. Be a light in the darkness. Don't join the darkness hoping you will somehow escape unscathed.

Psalm 101:3-4           

I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me. A perverse heart shall be far from me; I will know nothing of evil.

Colossians 3:1-10          

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.     

Ephesians 4:27           

And give no opportunity to the devil.

Titus 2:11-12           

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,

1 Corinthians 10:31           

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Ephesians 6:12          

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Galatians 5:21-22           

Envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

 2 Timothy 1:7          

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Proverbs 4:23          

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

1 Thessalonians 5:22      

Abstain from every form of evil.

A Song of Praise

I am so glad I didn't cancel our ski trip yesterday because of reports of patches of black ice and frigid conditions. The roads were completely clear, and the snow was the best snow I may have ever skied on. It was real snow, which is rare in NC. Usually we are skiing on manmade snow which is icy and hard to ski on. I have heard that if you can ski on NC mountains, you can ski anything!

We always ski the twilight session, which means 12 pm-10pm. After dinner, all the wimps go home, and very few people are on the slopes. So picture this: Orion and a billion other stars in the sky, no one on the chair lift as I go to the top of the mountain, perfect fluffy snow, the valley lights twinkling far below me, and a wide open expanse of slope with NO ONE IN SIGHT. I skied down making huge effortless sweeps across the slope, so relaxed and in tune with the snow and the cosmos that I forgot to consider technique or be afraid, and flowed as one with the mountain. (I know...sounds like I am on drugs, but I am not...just really in synch with the beauty around me).

It occurred to me that the more relaxed I was, and the more willing I was to go fast and not brake continually, the more subtle my movements were that made me ski almost effortlessly. I only had to think "curve to the left" and I was curving to the left. Everything became unconscious, automatic, easy.

This is what it is like to be so consumed with joy and being, that I wonder why I ever thought it was hard. This is what it is like to be so overcome by God, and the glorious blessings of His world that every breath is an act of worship. Nothing feels forced or even considered. It becomes a part of existence, as impossible to separate from self as to pull a finger off one's hand. If only all life could be lived on this plane, with this level of awareness.

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Psalm 40: 3,8
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord.
8 I delight to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart."