Monday, September 26, 2011

The Monster in the Room

Gloomy, rainy weekends are good for me. They make me stay inside and catch up on my neglected work from the busy school theory. In reality, I finished a great novel, and took a nap. I never nap unless I am getting sick, so I fear my cough today and background headache may not be just a tickle in my throat. It could just be anxiety creeping in, much as I pray for God's assurance and peace. I think the fun part of unemployment is over for me. I am really hoping my dear hubby gets a job offer soon. But the job loss and all the issues surrounding that are only part of the monster in the room.

School is in full swing for us now, with all the extras added in. This means that our home is now in perpetual controlled chaos. I know that's not the way it is supposed to be, but when you are juggling seven balls, one is bound to drop now and then. The all purpose table in the sunroom is covered with a dismantled trebuchet and tools. The dining room table has the cutting board and vise awaiting the last few pieces that need to be cut for Asherel's homemade agility jumps. The counter has her leaf experiment and tools, and the three huge binders with her checklists and questions for the week. My computer desk has ten sticky notes, each with a reminder of some critical issue that I must deal with. The wall calendar has scribbles over every large space for every single day til May, with additional sheets taped to it with all the extra things we can't forget. The sink is uncharacteristically full of dishes, because I haven't gotten to unloading the dishwasher yet. When I pulled out the Orange Juice this morning, I wrote myself another little note: Clean Refrigerator. Then I glanced at all the little sticky notes about the bookstores and bloggers I need to contact to promote my book. And the one about the chapter I am editing on my new book... and the one about moving our lunch date with our old friend Comer to today. I coughed.

I am under attack. This sort of implosion in our home is not common. I am generally an uber-organizer. I detest clutter, and unfinished projects. But sometimes, it all piles up, and before I know it, I am deluged, and unable to swim to the surface. The start of the school year is often like this but I don't recall it feeling this desperate before.

Then, I glanced at the little note holder on the computer table. It was shoved to a back corner, behind the stack of  sticky note urgent reminders. The little blue note holder has a picture of a favorite symbol- the beloved bald eagle, and a verse:
But they that wait upon the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings as eagles;
They shall run and not be weary;
And they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31

Sunday's sermon was about trusting and living one's faith when life seems impossible. The pastor reminded us that the Lord who could cast thousands of demons from the possessed man called Legion in the book of Mark, is able to deal with impossibilities. No matter how many monsters are attacking, none can ultimately overcome God's purpose for us. He is the alpha and omega- the beginning and the end. He is the beginning of all hope, all purpose, all life; and He is the end toward which all our struggles lead. If we keep that clearly in mind, the monsters have no power, at least not in the Battle that really matters; the battle for my soul.

I shifted the notes on my desk to the far corner, and placed my note holder with the verse from Isaiah in front of them.
"That's better," I thought.

Jeremiah 15:20
...they will fight against you
   but will not overcome you,
for I am with you
   to rescue and save you,”
            declares the LORD.

1 comment:

  1. I can picture this so vividly. I have to admit that I am not an uber-organizer, so I too often find myself in the position of praying that I will keep my focus on God and not let the clutter sweep it away.