Trust Me, God Said To My Disbelief

I was on my way to Richmond Wednesday to see my first grand-baby for the first time when I noticed a billboard with the big letters of an unusual name in the middle of it. I instantly voice-texted one of the moms, G, that I work with who chose life over abortion. It was the name she was going to give her baby if it was a boy. To preserve her privacy, I won’t share the name but I had NEVER seen that name before. And there it was...on a billboard.

I texted her because she had scheduled the abortion twice already. I knew she was struggling in her choice for life for the baby. She had asked Jesus to be Lord when I first shared the Gospel with her, and I felt that would seal the deal...but it had not. Her spirit was willing but her flesh was weak. When I knew she was wavering the second time, I traveled 3-hours round trip to take her to lunch. Our discussion helped her turn back to God and she canceled the second abortion appointment.

Then she rescheduled and drove to Charlotte for a third appointment! I went out to the abortion center waiting for her. She never showed up. Later she texted that she was doing great, and I thought the crisis had passed.

Back to my drive to see my grandson. 

I told her in the text that I saw her baby’s name on a billboard. I felt certain God was sending a message of encouragement to her, and to me. She asked where I had seen it. I told her. Then she was silent. I sent a few verses, as I had been doing all week, reminding her to trust God to keep her strong. She did not respond.

Right after that, I got a message from our Cities4Life team at the abortion center. She was back...for her fourth appointment...to abort. She would not stop and speak with them. Daniel, the Cities4Life director, told me he felt I would want to know. I texted her for an hour. She did respond once saying she loved me and she was sorry, but she just could not have this baby. Then...silence.

I cried and prayed. Then I heard a voice. Not an audible voice, but clear in my spirit: trust me.

I asked God if that was Him speaking or just my hopeful heart. And how could I trust Him when I knew she had gone in to abort? Just in case it WAS God, I answered out loud, “Ok. I will trust you...but it is hard.”

For the entire five-hour drive, I prayed. Daniel told me that by the time he left the abortion center sidewalk, she had not come out. She had not responded to my texts after that first one. I continued to text the rest of that evening and then all day Thursday as well. I tried not to think of the baby our team had fought so hard to save. 

This early morning, as I rode my bike along the James river, I remembered a fellow Cities4Life counselor once telling me, “We can’t want it more than them.”

My response was, “Sometimes at first, we have to want it more than them...or the baby will die.”  Those words came back to me as I tried to shove the despair aside and focus on the miracle and joy of my first grand-baby. 

When I first arrived in Richmond Wednesday, I told the other grandparents the woeful story and they instantly prayed with me. I did not share the story with my son and his wife. The despair I felt would be mine alone to struggle with. They needed to focus on only the joy of their precious new child.

I continued to text G over the next two days. She never responded. In case she took the pill, I texted info on how to reverse it, and then I sent many verses pleading with her to confront herself over what she had done, and that she had to decide if she would trust and follow Jesus, or trust and follow her own path that had led to such a sad place. I admit I felt like a failure, and very very sad for the baby. I also grieved deeply for her. Her prayer of faith had seemed so genuine, but was Jesus really Lord of her life if she could so quickly disregard His commands? 

Last night, I had a very strange dream. I was at the abortion center, and there was a water leak on the sidewalk. Suddenly, it began spurting and soaked all of us counselors. However, what began as a disaster slowly transformed to a fountain and it was inexplicably good, like a baptism. I felt like God was telling me He could take very terrible things and turn them to good. Trust Him.

Later this morning I was on a walk, when I received a text from a fellow Cities4Life counselor, Elijah.

“G just came out of the abortion center. She didn’t do it. She told me she has tried five times, and just couldn’t do it. She is on the RV now getting an ultrasound. She said she just needed to see her baby.” 

I may have heard God say, “See?” But I was spinning and shouting so loudly that I wasn’t certain.

G called me as she left the RV. She told me she had scheduled the abortion five times, and always something happened that prevented her from doing it. When I had texted her about the billboard with the baby’s name on it, she said she thought about it. Was God talking to her?

“Are you never returning now?” I asked. “Are you done now?”

“Never returning. I am done. I am keeping this baby. I think God is telling me so many times and I am listening now.”

********

Romans 15:13   

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Psalm 9:10 

  

And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.

Mark 5:36 

But overhearing what they said, Jesus said to the ruler of the synagogue, “Do not fear, only believe.”