The Mortal Dangers of Vacuuming

I am pretty sure I am not just "dizzy". I have: "Benign Paroxysmal Postitional Vertigo". In interest of time and space, and reader fatigue, I will refer to my malady as BPPV. When my nurse friend heard my symptoms, she sent me an article on BPPV.
"Do you think you might have this?" she asked.

 The article was highly illuminating. Basically, BPPV occurs when an otolithic crystal in the vestibular apparatus of the cochlear structures dislodges and becomes relocated against a nerve, sending impulses of movement when movement is actually not happening. Now, for those of you not in med school, I will give you the low down on BPPV.  We detect our body position and thus are able to balance, walk in a way not reminiscent of drunken sailors, and know where our head is because of tiny crystals that balance atop little hairs in our inner ear. When our head moves, the crystals are pulled towards gravity, bending those little hairs, and sending nerve impulses to our brain that tell us, "Danger- she is heading for the chocolate fudge brownies again!" Depending on which way the hairs move, we can tell which way we are moving. This is a subconscious, involuntary activity that most of us don't even know we have...until it goes awry, like in my case. Either from head trauma, or in some cases, aging, which is of course not possible in my case, those little crystals fall off their motion detecting pedestal and roll around till they get stuck against a nerve. Then they tell the head that it is moving when it is not. The world flicks back and forth, and round and round, and we describe ourselves as "dizzy".

The good news is that the crystals eventually (usually) roll away from the nerve, and symptoms subside. And even better, in severe cases, a single session of Physical Therapy and then a week or so of careful head positioning can completely relieve the symptoms in 75% of victims. The trauma that dislodged the crystal may have been in the distant past, and symptoms come and go as the crystal rolls to a less than ideal place in the labyrinth of nerves.  The classic test for it is lying the patient down, turning the head, and if the eyeballs flick back and forth like windshield wipers, and the patient clutches the bed while crying out, "Tsunami!", then BPPV is conclusive. Since I performed the test on myself, being a highly trained Occupational Therapist, I now am pretty sure this is the fancy cause of my dizziness.With aging, those crystals and hairs deteriorate, and thus, many older folk find their balance compromised, but they don't usually have the severe symptoms I had. Head trauma is more often the likely culprit.

Since I am not old, at least not by biblical standards, I presume my crystal got dislodged during my concussion a few years back. 
"Concussion?" asked sister Wendy, when I relayed my diagnosis to her.

I realized this is an important alert that should have been posted on my blog, filled with safety tips for the neurotic and anxiety ridden friends that follow me. Vacuuming caused my concussion, and should never be attempted by anyone without proper safety gear and precautions. Unless you want to end up like me, with BPPV, and a head that is always a foot ahead of the rest of your body, I urge you to read the following information carefully.

I, like most people, had begun vacuuming the living room with little concern for protective armor before engaging in this activity. I had come to the corner of the living room and noticed spider webs inside the window. Wanting to be as efficient as possible, I did not pause in my vacuuming, but with one hand deftly wiggled the window open, forgetting the pointy, heavy, crystal prism that sat on the windowsill. Unaware of the impending danger, I was stooped over vacuuming the spider webs in the corner of the floor as I forced open the sticky window. With no warning, the heavy, pointy crystal prism clanked down on my head with surprising brutal velocity. I was instantly felled. Flattened, I regained consciousness a few seconds later, with a dent in my skull and a throbbing headache. I had the classic symptoms of concussion- wailing, nausea, headache, and crossed eyes. Little did I know that the dangerous activity of vacuum cleaning would lead me down the dizzying road to BVVP.

Not being able to walk a straight path and staggering is a good symbol to meditate on. Psalm 107 mentions staggering and stumbling several times. In that Psalm, the inability to find and stay on a straight path stemmed from rebelliousness, disobedience, despising God, sin, fear, lack of faith, lack of trust, and quaking in the face of trials. The unfaithful stumbled at least as much as we unfortunates with BVVP do. But then, He also provided a simple cure. When humbled, flattened, unable to rise on their own, they cried out to God. And in a single session, He rolled away the crystal of affliction, and set them upright, on steady feet, on a straight and hopeful path again. God is so dizzyingly obvious in the symbols of life.

Psalm 107:26-28, 39-43

²⁶ They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths;
   in their peril their courage melted away.
²⁷ They reeled and staggered like drunkards;
   they were at their wits’ end.
²⁸ Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
   and he brought them out of their distress.
 ³⁹ Then their numbers decreased, and they were humbled
   by oppression, calamity and sorrow;
⁴⁰ he who pours contempt on nobles
   made them wander in a trackless waste.
⁴¹ But he lifted the needy out of their affliction
   and increased their families like flocks.
⁴² The upright see and rejoice,
   but all the wicked shut their mouths.
 ⁴³ Let the one who is wise heed these things
   and ponder the loving deeds of the LORD.

Nagging into heaven

We looked at the feathers floating in Lucky's water bowl.
"How did those get there?" I asked.
Lucky looked at me, his face a tangle of unreadable wiry hair.

We glanced over at Tallin, Asherel's bird, who still perched happily in his cage. The bird wasn't talking to us either. This would remain one of those mysteries of life.
 It is likely my sensitive heart would be better off not knowing the source of those feathers floating in the water.

The day already was not going to be recorded as one of my top ten. I had to go visit the dermatologist, due to an annoying habit of aging skin. She took one look at my face and decided it was time to start "zapping" off pre-cancerous spots.
"Zapping?" I said, "What is involved in zapping?"
"It's no big deal," she answered.

Now I have found that it is much easier for the one inflicting the pain to say that than the one receiving the pain.
"I will just freeze them off with this."
She held up a metal device that looked like a submachine gun.
"You don't have any special events coming in the next month that you care what you look like?" she asked.
"You mean like walking down the street ?"
"No, I mean like a wedding or any event where photos will be taken."
"Not in the next month...but to tell you the truth, I am not sure I love the vein of this conversation. I can safely conclude I will be in no position to have a photo taken of me after you finish blasting my face with that weapon?"
She ignored me and said, "Here comes the 'ouchy'."
About 20 ouchies later, my forehead, arms and even hand had lovely bubbling, brown eruptions on them. This was the prettiest stage. For the next week they would turn red, inflamed, scab, and then fall off.

I hope you weren't eating breakfast when you read that.

"But then ," she promised me, "Your forehead will look much better and it will be safer. You don't mind needles, do you?"
"Needles?" I said weakly, wondering how long the stinging of the twenty or so new wounds lasted, "Yes I mind needles. Why?"
"We need to take this mole off your back."
Maybe Lucky had the kinder method, just gobble me up whole.

I went to bed at 8:00. I was worn out from all the intrusive procedures that we must endure as we cook here on earth. I thought of Paul telling the Philippians in our morning Bible study that morning, "It is no trouble for me to write the same things to you again." In other words, he was saying, "It won't hurt me to nag you til you listen." It was like the doctor, not zapping just one spot off me, but every spot, every potential cancer forming spot.

This verse confused Asherel. That's because she had never seen nagging elevated to gospel before.
 And I conjectured, given he begins this gentle letter to the Philippians with the assurance that he isn't being hurt by his need to repeat things to them, we can presume they had just asked him, "Doesn't it bother you to have to keep teaching us knuckleheads the same issues over and over again?"

I like the Philippians. I get the sense that they had receptive, humble hearts that longed to learn, despite their failures and need to be constantly reminded by Paul. I am sure that his convicting messages and reminders were at times as painful as the zapper on my sunspots, but they knew that their safety and eternal well being depended on the holy transformative message.

Sometimes healing hurts. But in the end, when the scabs fall off, and we are renewed, transformed, made whole again....the ouchies are just a blip in eternity.


Philippians 3: 1, 12-14, 17-21

 ¹ Further, my brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord! It is no trouble for me to write the same things to you again, and it is a safeguard for you.

 ¹² Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.


¹⁷ Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do. ¹⁸ For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. ¹⁹ Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. ²⁰ But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, ²¹ who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.