One Person With God

I went to the 42nd anniversary of Roe V Wade memorial in Charlotte yesterday. It was very moving. As my friend, Lisa, one of the directors of Cities4Life, was introduced with one of the mamas she'd counseled who had chosen life a few years ago, I snapped a photo. Later, as I looked at it, I saw that sunbeams were radiating across the scene and settling on the Mama, Lisa, and the child who had once been slated for abortion. I hadn't noticed that at all while standing there during the ceremony. What a beautiful picture. I think it speaks eloquently of God's pleasure in this wonderful warrior for Christ, and for the sanctity of life. This mama was so affected by her near abortion, that she has recently started a non-profit organization that will provide transitional housing for other mamas who choose not to abort, and are in dire need.

I teared up not a few times that morning.

As the ceremony ended, the organizer told us if we wanted to take the anniversary pamphlets and hand them out, that would be great. I have never been one to hand out tracts on the street. The  people that do that sort of thing are people I have shunned in my past. But, I grabbed a handful, and decided to hand them out as I walked back the half-mile to my car. Some people ignored me, but many took my pamphlets. A group of two men and a women were on the edge of the sidewalk. I stopped and asked if they would like my pamphlet.

"Oh," said the woman, "I would like one! I am a reporter and I was supposed to cover this event! Will you walk with me and let me interview you?"

So I walked with her, telling her about Cities4life and how we help the women who choose life over abortion. She asked many questions, and I answered them all. I cited some of the terrible statistics about the emotional upheaval of women who choose abortion, including the suicide rate. She seemed genuinely intrigued by how many women actually change their mind, right there at the abortion center. She also was vigorously nodding her head as I described how we are not protestors, but advocates for life, and approach those women with lists of resources and real help in accessing them.

"We do help many of the women," I told her,  "but ultimately, abortion is a Gospel-issue. If we are going to change the culture that believes that abortion is the answer to terrible circumstances or inconvenient pregnancies, we must change the heart. Only Jesus can do that." She wrote that down. I hope it goes in the article. The most important thing we do is challenge them to examine where they are spiritually, and why abortion can never be the answer. Not from a moral/ethical humanitarian aspect, and certainly not from a spiritual one.

I talked with her the entire walk back, where I introduced her to the organizer, Flip Benham. She took my number because she said she'd like to talk to me more.

"Flip will set you straight on anything I said that was untrue," I laughed, passing her off to Flip. We shook hands.

"I really enjoyed our discussion," she told me as I waved and scurried away. It felt like she meant it.

I hope she doesn't twist my words. To the degree that one person is able, I so want to change the heart of this community, of this nation such that we might never memorialize a 43rd year of legal abortion. As I gazed at the photo later of the sunbeams falling like a benediction upon the mama who chose life and her sidewalk counselor, I was grateful that none of us are just one person. We are each one person with God. 

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charlotte.cities4life.org

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Jeremiah 1:5 

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”

Genesis 9:6 

“Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image.

Exodus 20:13 

“You shall not murder.

Psalm 127:3 

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.

Psalm 139:13-16 

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

Isaiah 49:16

Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.

Ephesians 2:10 

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Cheap Grace

My one home treatment for BPPV, or vertigo, had been very effective, but there was still a lingering nausea. Just a teeny weeny bit. So I decided I needed a second treatment. After all, the literature said that I was to do the procedure 5 times in each set, three times a day till the symptoms were gone. I had only done it 3 times in one set, because it caused temporary increase in nausea and at heart, I am a wimp. But, feeling almost within grasp of total normalcy, I decided to risk the temporary discomfort for the permanent blessing that would ensue.

According to the literature, I had a choice of two treatment techniques. One was gentler, but not quite as effective. One was described as intense, but highly effective. I am an extremist, thus guess which one I chose? I followed the set requirements to the t this time. (What does it mean "to the T"? T is not the end...Z is. Why don't we follow it to the Z?) As it turns out, I didn't follow it to the Z. I could only get 4 sets in before I felt so violently nauseous that I decided to terminate treatment immediately and abandon ship. I struggled to the recliner where my worried husband found me and suggested I drink gatorade. He is a good man, and indeed Gatorade is highly desired when one's electrolyte balance is off. However, when one has just screwed up the semicircular canals in the vestibular system, there is no magic drink that will solve the issue.

 "I should've done the gentler treatment," I groaned. I then developed a splitting headache, and photophobia. I thought perhaps I had misdiagnosed myself and I had the flu or a brain tumor. I went on line and discovered that the technique I had used can set off migraines. Best to use the gentler technique called the Epley technique. Then I read how the technique is reversed depending on which ear the little errant crystal is bobbing around loose in the vestibular system. OOPs. I knew the errant ear was the left ear, but I had done the treatment on the right ear. You can tell which ear is the culprit as the dizziness is most severe when you lay on the bad ear side. So, I decided to go for broke. I took instructions for the Epley gentler maneuver and did it for the correct ear. This time, the nausea subsided, and today, I feel fine.

I thought about how similar all of life is to this little vignette, this snapshot of my day.  Life is often glorious, but none of us get through it without at times, extreme discomfort. We sometimes settle for quick fixes,  that don't really address the malady...or even make it worse! We look to the wrong cure to get out of the mess quickly, but we don't find the source of eternal health. At least I do. Friedrich Bonhoeffer called this tendency in the spiritual life, "cheap grace."  We want the blessing, but we don't want the sacrifice or work that comes with it.
Our worship becomes perfunctory, and as quick as possible so we can feel virtuous without putting in too much effort. Our prayers become rote. Our passion becomes lukewarm.

Guilty, I admit, shaking my head sadly.
Ooops, don't shake too hard or you will undo all that treatment to put the floating crystal back where it belongs.

2 Samuel 24:23-25

²³ Your Majesty, Araunah gives all this to the king.” Araunah also said to him, “May the LORD your God accept you.”
 ²⁴ But the king replied to Araunah, “No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing.”
   So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen and paid fifty shekel of silver for them. ²⁵ David built an altar to the LORD there and sacrificed burnt offerings and fellowship offerings. Then the LORD answered his prayer in behalf of the land, and the plague on Israel was stopped.

The Details of the Plan

     I seem to be taking a turn for the better- the nausea and intense aches gone, and my nose drying up. Nothing makes one appreciate good health more than when you don't have it. I spent the day again lying around, but did drive Asherel home from her volunteer work.Arvo drove her there, since at that point, I was still not sure I would live.
     Asherel was helping out at a children's camp teaching the kids to draw. The organizer liked her so much, she asked her back for a second day. When I picked Asherel up, she was glowing. I feel the same way after extending myself for others. She had a picture in her hand.
     "What's that?" I asked.
     She handed it to me. It was an exquisite and detailed sketch of one of the fairy like creatures from our new Christmas gift game, Mario Smash Brothers. (Yes, I know....it is a game where characters do indeed smash each other, and I did not allow my first two children to own it, much as Matt begged me. In my old age and with child number three, I am just worn out. I hope and pray she does not beg me for heroin next....)

     I took the drawing from her and gazed at it.
     "Did you have a picture to look at?" I asked.
     "No...it was just from memory."
     It was astonishing. This is my greatest downfall as an artist. I have lousy visual memory. The exquisite detail in Asherel's drawing made the fairy jump off the page, as though she were alive. What a gift, I thought.

     That very day while driving to pick Asherel up, I had noticed a field that took my breath away. On the horizon were trees, stretching to a robin egg blue sky. In the foreground were rolling olive hills, and golden waves of reeds and grasses.
     "If only I could seal this in my mind and draw it when I get home," I thought.
     So when I got home I tried. I could picture the colors, and the emotion the scene had evoked in me, but unlike Asherel, I could not picture details.
     I find this extends to most areas of my life. I can remember the emotion of events, the general gestalt of events, but the specifics often elude me. I think I had to develop an imagination and a creative mind to fill in all those gaps that I can never remember.It is doubly disconcerting to me as I believe God is a God of details. All you have to do is read the Bible to see the excruciating exactness of God's plans, God's messages, and God's working in the lives of men. A very difficult passage for me to wade through is God's directions on how the Temple was to be built. Every minute detail is carefully mandated. Every measurement, every material, even how the carved angels wings are to meet over the ark of the covenant. How did David and Solomon even begin to think they could get it all right?

     David actually tells us how. He says God gave him the ability to understand His plan. This is remarkable and gives me great comfort. I cannot know God, not fully. I cannot understand Him, not completely. I certainly cannot discern the breadth of His plan for humankind, let alone for me. What hope do I have of following Him then? He Himself gives us the ability to follow His plan, just like He tells David in 1 Chronicles. If our heart's desire is to seek Him, to follow Him, He provides the details.

     "When did you draw this?" I asked Asherel, returning the gorgeous sketch.
     "In my spare time."
     "What did you have the kids draw today?"
     " A llama."
     " A llama! why a llama?"
     "It's what they voted for."
     "Have you ever drawn a llama before?" I asked.
     "No...but it turned out looking just like a llama."

1 Chronicles 28:
¹⁹ “All this,” David said, “I have in writing as a result of the LORD’s hand on me, and he enabled me to understand all the details of the plan.”
 ²⁰ David also said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.

What Happens to the Sheep?

^{Luke 2: 9-10
9} An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.

Terror gives way to great joy. That is what Christmas is about. I think complete faith casts out fear, because we know who holds us in His grip. I also think complete faith is probably impossible this side of Heaven. And when doubt enters, so does fear. I suspect most of us no matter what our spiritual inclination, ask now and then, "What if I am wrong?" Maybe there are people who have never felt that way. I am not one of them.

I find it so amazing that the terrified shepherds keeping watch over their sheep should be the first witness that the Savior was born.
The Bible oftentimes describes us as sheep waiting for the Good Shepherd. In that beautiful passage in Luke, the staff is passed. The earthly shepherds bow down before the Heavenly Shepherd. A star, never before seen, moves across the sky and leads them to the little manger. The angel has forewarned them that they will find a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes, the Messiah.

The Bible doesn't recount much of what the shepherds say upon hearing this astonishing news. But surely they must have discussed this as they were following the star. And by the way, we are also not told what happens to the shepherd's sheep which they were supposed to be watching. Did the whole herd traipse after the star with them? God commands them to do the one thing they should never do...leave their sheep. What happens to the sheep?  I like to fill in gaps. Here is what I think may have transpired: (ps- this is not recorded in scripture and the names are not known. this is called imagination gone amok.)

"Did you see what I think we just saw, Maliphosphor?" He rubbed his eyes.
Maliphosphor's eyes darted back and forth as he leaned in to Arpamismael, "What did you see?"
"That was an angel...and he was talking to us. And telling us strange things. What I don't get is why the sheep weren't frightened cause I was ready to pee in my cloak."
"Oh yeah! The sheep! What do we do with the sheep?"
"I don't know...but we can't disobey the angel. Do you think the Messiah really comes to us as a baby?"
"Do you think stars really move and angels really appear? Look Mali, none of this makes sense...but I have this very strong conviction that we need to check out this baby."
Maliphosphor sighed deeply, nodding, and turned to the sheep, commanding, "STAY!"
The sheep bleated and then lay down.
"If this is not the Messiah, we are risking our job security for nothing," said Arpamismael, as they set off after the star.
"Why a baby? The God who created the Universe could certainly have come up with a more dramatic form for the Savior, don't you think?" Maliphosphor cried out.
Arpamismael glanced back at the flock. One sheep was watching him, getting ready to stand.
"Lie down!" called Arpamismael. The sheep lowered himself again.
"Don't you read your Bible? We knew this was coming. Isaiah told us, remember, unto us a son shall be born, and the government shall be upon his shoulders. and we shall call him wonderful counselor, mighty God, prince of peace.... This is no ordinary baby."
"Do you think it is true? Could it really be the Messiah?"
Mali took one last look at the sheep as they crested a hill. They all were watching after the shepherds, disappearing into the distance. Their ears stood out in the moonlight as they huddled obediently and waited.
"It better be...or that flock is wolf bait."
"You know... I think we are doing the right thing...I mean it is God's messenger who told us to do it...but have we taken leave of our senses? We are shepherds. It's not rocket science, but it is an important duty in an agrarian society. We have one duty: watch the sheep."
"Maybe there is a duty more important."
Maliphosphor looked again over his shoulder. The night enveloped the horizon and he could no longer see the sheep, but as he looked ahead, the star shone like a flashlight on a little manger and there was singing as though all the stars had voices.

Isaiah 9: 6-7
⁶ For to us a child is born,
   to us a son is given,
   and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
   Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
   Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
⁷ Of the greatness of his government and peace
   there will be no end.
He will reign on David’s throne
   and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
   with justice and righteousness
   from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the LORD Almighty
   will accomplish this.

Luke 2: 8-20

 ⁸ And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. ¹² This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
 ¹³ Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
 ¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
   and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
 ¹⁵ When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”
 ¹⁶ So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. ¹⁷ When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, ¹⁸ and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. ¹⁹ But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. ²⁰ The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

God will be the saddle

I drew myself into a corner. I do that sometimes. I draw on my iPod usually with something that happened that day in mind, and then the next day, I blog about it. But yesterday I drew a horse. Just because I like horses. With our hectic schedule this summer, and now school year, we haven't been around horses as much as I like. But I doubt I will be seeing horses this weekend. Asherel goes with a friend to a Beatle Tribute band today, and then the rest of the long weekend we will be at a Dog Agility Trial.

I had horses on my mind, however. I have been editing my second book, which is a compilation of stories of my encounters with angels, and with God. The Bible tells us we are often entertaining angels unawares. I have had at least two occasions where I recognized them as angels...though not until they were gone. In some circles, I have now been marginalized into the nut case category. So be it. As long as I have gone that far, I may as well tell you that I think God has sent animals with a specific role to teach me something, or to deliver God's message. I am not sure that animals can be angels... but many animals have been messengers and guardians in my life.

Anyway, many of the stories in my soon to be released book involve animals, and one that I just finished editing involved a horse. He was a very special horse, and he taught me a great deal about the nature of selfless love. I won't tell the story here because then no one will buy the book.
As I have been editing however, a distinct pattern to my life is emerging. I almost never tackled something I was qualified to do. That pattern persists to this day. Most of my cherished moments in life involve tackling something I have no skill, inclination, training, or gifting to accomplish.

I am working my way through the book of Exodus, and have been struck (again) by the lack of training of most of the great leaders for God. Right now, in my reading, Moses has just begged God to relieve him of the duty of speaking to Pharaoh to try to convince him to "let my people go." Moses is a stutterer, and in his eyes, and probably most people's eyes, the last person God should use as His spokesman. But God won't let him off the hook. In the end, Moses becomes an eloquent defender of his people, before God, delivering one of the most beautiful speeches of selfless leadership ever spoken, when his perpetually sinful people trample God's commands, and God threatens to wipe them out. Moses concludes his speech with this sacrificial plea: "But now, please forgive their sin—but if not, then blot me out of the book you have written."

Ultimately, what God has called us to do, He will empower us to accomplish. And when we are stumbling, He sends angels...and sometimes horses, along the way to carry us. And we don't necessarily need to know how to ride. He holds us in place. God will be the saddle.

Exodus 4:10-12
 ¹⁰ Moses said to the LORD, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”
 ¹¹ The LORD said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the LORD? ¹² Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

Exodus 32

¹¹ But Moses sought the favor of the LORD his God. “LORD,” he said, “why should your anger burn against your people, whom you brought out of Egypt with great power and a mighty hand? ¹² Why should the Egyptians say, ‘It was with evil intent that he brought them out, to kill them in the mountains and to wipe them off the face of the earth’? Turn from your fierce anger; relent and do not bring disaster on your people. ¹³ Remember your servants Abraham, Isaac and Israel, to whom you swore by your own self: ‘I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and I will give your descendants all this land I promised them, and it will be their inheritance forever.’” ¹⁴ Then the LORD relented and did not bring on his people the disaster he had threatened.³¹ So Moses went back to the LORD and said, “Oh, what a great sin these people have committed! They have made themselves gods of gold. ³² But now, please forgive their sin—but if not, then blot me out of the book you have written.”

Unnatural path

Hooray! School starts today! We will be the first ones to crack open and sniff those new book smells! We will be exploring the wonders of highschool, with a thirst for knowledge that knows no bounds. We will be like Honeybun in the agility trial this weekend, streaming joyfully over the jumps she so loves to clear.....
OK...in reality, we will be able to figure out how to program the online biology course if we are lucky, and begin maybe to decipher the somewhat complicated check list system of the curriculum.

I am more like a dog learning weaves for agility trials. It is not a natural motion for a dog and if they don't practice it regularly, they lose the skill. Homeschool is like that for me. Over the summer, I forget how to do it. Sometimes even why we do it.....

Then usually, within a few days, it feels comfortable again and I remember how happy I am to have those extra hours with my kids that most people don't get the privilege of having. Because when they graduate, they are gone, and it is nice to have a backlog of memories to fall back on.

At the Dog Agility trial yesterday, after 3 classes of messing up her weaves, Honeybun finally got them the first time in the last class. Asherel decided that maybe she was trying to run too quickly through the weave section. Honeybun was stressed, as many dogs are at trials, and was forgetting all the training and acting like she had never seen a weave pole. So Asherel decided to just take the weave section slowly, one pole at a time, encouraging Honeybun each step of the way. And Honeybun got them! It was slow, but she followed the path perfectly.

The disciples lamented that they wanted to follow Jesus when He warned them He would be going away, but they didn't know the way, He reminded them, "I am the way, the truth, and the light. No one comes to the Father except through me."

I have often wondered about this direction of Jesus. If I had been one of those mournful disciples, I think I would have just felt more lost and confused. I once was seriously lost in a forest as night was falling. I was terribly frightened, and looking desperately for the way out of the forest, back to the campground. If a guide had been with me and just as I needed directions, he had said, "Don't worry, I know the way out, I am your ticket to s'mores and the campfire" and then disappeared, I might have felt a similar confusion.
If you are the way, why are you leaving? It seems the purpose of a trail that leads me home is to stay right where it is, under my feet, clearly marked.  But that's not what Jesus did. He told them He was the Way, the only Way, and like it or not, He was leaving. But, He assures them, if they sought Him, they would find Him. And then He goes on to lead them step by step through the unnatural process of faith. It is a powerful chapter, John 14, where the Way to God is outlined. It is a perfect chapter to dwell on when one is frightened, or insecure, or unsure that the way set before them is a path they can truly navigate. Like a dog facing the weave poles.....

As I pop open the wilderness of the highschool teacher's guide today, I am going to hold the Bible open to that page.

John 14: 1-21
¹ “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. ⁴ You know the way to the place where I am going.” ⁵ Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”  ⁶ Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. ⁷ If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”
 ⁸ Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.”
 ⁹ Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? ¹⁰ Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. ¹¹ Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves. ¹² Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. ¹³ And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. ¹⁴ You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
¹⁵ “If you love me, keep my commands. ¹⁶ And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— ¹⁷ the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. ¹⁸ I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. ¹⁹ Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. ²⁰ On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. ²¹ Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”

Following

As I sat in church listening to the sermon on following Jesus, I was gazing out the enormous window at the vast green field. At that very moment, a whole line of Canadian geese were following the head goose, all in step, all in synch, all following the Master bird. They marched right past the window, all in a line, as the pastor spoke on what it means to follow the Master.

I love the images and symbols that God sends to remind me that He is there and that He has a sense of humor. It would be hard to follow a God that didn't tolerate laughter. I also love his choice of disciples. As the pastor pointed out, their character traits included: impulsivity, uneducated, stubborn, nobodies, doubters, shady businessmen, betrayers....
If they can be disciples of the living, breathing Messiah....surely I can!

I watched the geese till they had marched out of my line of vision. A solid wall now blocked my sight of them for about a hundred feet.  I wondered where they were all off to in their neat, orderly procession. I knew geese flew in formation, but had not known they walked that way as well.

The pastor spoke on about how what we are when we choose to follow Jesus is not the important part. It is what we can become when we are in step with Him.  The pastor concluded that when we follow the Master, we are no longer on our own...whatever He asks us to do, He will equip and empower us to accomplish.

At that moment, the geese emerged on the other side of the solid wall, and I saw them through the adjacent huge window. They were all flying now, their wings stretched and soaring to the sky.

2 Samuel 22:
¹¹ He mounted the cherubim and flew;
   he soared on the wings of the wind.

Psalm 139:8-10

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
   if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
   if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
   your right hand will hold me fast.