A Square on the Grid

     Once again, rain has moved in over the mountains with malice aforethought. (We are studying the Civil War and so words Lincoln might have used are creeping in to my blog.) It is slowly disintegrating the snow base on the ski mountain, and the homeschool ski trip I organized for tomorrow is likely being buried in slush. Meanwhile, one of Asherel's good friends has been felled by the flu this week. And then my old friend, Comer, from the Nursing home called to tell me our outing for lunch had to be postponed. Not only was he sick with the flu, but his entire floor of residents has been quarantined. It is apparently a nasty bug with a policy of equal opportunity that preys on  victims indiscriminately: Young and old, rich or poor, wrinkled or smooth.
     I teach my art class today. I am doing a very basic knowledge class on overlaying the subject matter with a grid. Everyone in public school probably is taught to do that- I know I was. But I don't think I have ever taught my homeschoolers to do that. I thought to do it when I saw a spectacular portrait of my sister that her son had done...in lego blocks. He had taken a photograph and made a grid on it, and then used the grid to help him design his unbelievably accurate lego portrait. I hate to use the grid approach myself- it is tedious and mathematical. My brain doesn't easily wrap around either. However, it is highly effective in drawing exact reproductions, and there are times when one wants to do that.

But as I was contemplating the likely cancelled snow day due to rain, and the cancelled lunch outing due to flu, I thought how so often, we only see from the perspective of one square on the entire grid. From our portion of the whole picture, it might seem like the artist has an incomplete, or even faulty vision. It is sometimes nearly impossible to envision the whole from a tiny segment. It won't look like a masterpiece until every grid is filled to be the best segment of the whole that it can be.
    
 As I was wading through lists of kings, and geneologies in the book of 1 and 2Chronicles in the Bible, I could not help my eyes glazing and my interest lagging. But for some reason, each name is in there for a purpose, one I am not always privy to. Each seemingly insignificant unpronounceable name is there because it represents a person who had value and purpose and was one more square on the grid.

I am a square on the grid! The whole picture is not up to me! I only need to be the best square I can be, and I am pretty sure my kids would attest that I am as square as squares come. And today one square is raining, and another square is filled with flu germs. So my square will today be spraying lysol all along its perimeter.

Luke 11: 36
³⁶ Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be just as full of light as when a lamp shines its light on you.”

Ephesians 4:16:
¹⁶ From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

The Secret to Happiness

It rained all day yesterday. It was gloomy and grey. It was a good day to be introspective. However, while musing introspectively, I discovered a shocking revelation in a little essay compiled from interviews with senior citizens about what brings happiness. Having lived so long, the over 70 set really ought to know. Introspection is not a key to happiness! According to the seniors, when they wallow in introspection, they invariably land upon all the bad choices they made, the risks they wished they took but  didn't, and the dreams and goals they forfeited.
"Ohoh," I thought introspectively, "Introspection is not conducive to happiness."
The list went on. Some I agreed with, some I didn't. But I found one glaring omission in this list. I have seen many studies that link deep spiritual beliefs with happiness. This one didn't mention faith at all.

I am reading a wonderful book by Chaim Potok, Davita's Harp. It is a book for introspective people. It is not a happy book. Such subjects as the holocaust, fascism, communism, pogroms, and Guernica are discussed. It was a book to match the gloomy grey day. The heroine, Ilana Davita ultimately finds happiness in her Jewish roots and traditions which her parents had not taught or believed. The book starts telling us Ilana was raised by a nonpracticing Catholic dad and a nonpracticing Jewish Mom. Of course I was hooked, as this was my story. My parents are fantastic, and have never tried to dissuade me from the yearnings of my heart. I, like Davita, found comfort and solace, and truth in the God that my parents had not embraced. The more I explored the richness of my Jewish and Christian roots, the more I felt the arms of contentment surrounding me. I cannot answer all the questions of faith, but I do rest in its joy, in its truth and rightness.

When I am 70 and the NY Times comes to ask me the secret to happiness, I will tell them I would like to ammend their former list. This is my contribution to the list, 15 years in advance:
Introspection leads to happiness...but only if I dig deep enough inside myself to find the seed of all creation, of all that I am, of all that I aspire to become- one with my Lord. Introspection, and faith, will be at the top of my list. Deep in my soul, I know God lives.

Job 19:
6 And after my skin has been destroyed,
   yet in my flesh I will see God;
²⁷ I myself will see him
   with my own eyes—I, and not another.
   How my heart yearns within me!

Let it Rain

Outdoor fun was rained out for all but the worms. I didn't mind. I am hoping the weather Administrator will get all the rain and cold out of His system before Friday. We have a Dog Agility trial Friday and Saturday and while there is a covered arena, the sides are open. It will not be pleasant if it is damp and cold. So rain away, I say, until the clouds are depleted and the sun can poke its way through again by Friday.

My favorite rain memories are from my years as a very young girl in Memphis, Tenn.  Besides having the best BBQ on the planet, Memphis had the best rain. I remember we would get summer deluges, and the streets would flood, and the gutters which were very deep along the edges of the street would fill. Maybe over the years, that memory has been enhanced, but I recall swimming joyfully in the street gutters after the rain in Memphis. The water would carry us on a wave in the gutter down the street. It is one of my favorite pictures from the slideshow in my mind of my life.

I no longer swim in the gutters when the rain comes, but I love it as a forced respite from busy-ness. We love our dog class, but it got cancelled due to the rain last night. I really didn't mind at all. Instead, I curled up with a good book and listened to Asherel practice guitar...which she might not otherwise have had the time to do.
I thanked God for the rain, for that shower of peace.

Joel 2:22-24

 ²² Do not be afraid, you wild animals,
   for the pastures in the wilderness are becoming green.
The trees are bearing their fruit;
   the fig tree and the vine yield their riches.
²³ Be glad, people of Zion,
   rejoice in the LORD your God,
for he has given you the autumn rains
   because he is faithful.
He sends you abundant showers,
   both autumn and spring rains, as before.
²⁴ The threshing floors will be filled with grain;
   the vats will overflow with new wine and oil.

Casting out Fear

Another low barometric pressure day brought about the rain, the worms on the street, and the crazy dog. I thought the pelting on the roof by the little drops was comforting. Lucky however, was once again in his pacing the house fearful mode that seems to lead to him bolting to distant unsafe lands. So I watched him carefully, until I got distracted, which happens rather easily. Now....uh, what was I saying?

Next thing I knew, I didn't see Lucky anywhere. I went outside and called him, checked under the deck, went back inside room by room calling....no Lucky.

So I grabbed a leash, tied my running shoes and was off jogging along the street calling, "Lucky!!"  I ran down the cul de sac and as I was passing our house again, calling out, "Here boy! Here Lucky!", I glanced at our backyard. Lucky stood there, in the backyard, ears perked and wagging his tail. Wonderful. Now he has learned how to drive me nuts by NOT escaping.

I don't know where he had been hiding, but after happily greeting me, he was shaking again and following me, tripping on my heels. So I gave him two bones and put him in the crate. He looked woeful but then lay his head down and went to sleep. The craziness slowly dissipated. Sometimes prison is a good thing, a necessary thing, a place to reflect upon our actions and consequences, and maybe reconsider right and wrong.

Judge: Lucky, how do you plead?
Lucky: By sitting on my haunches and lifting my front legs?
Judge:  Defendant!  I didn't say how do you beg, I said how do you plead!?Answer the question or I will hold you in contempt!
Lucky: In my opinion, being put in a cage demonstrates you already hold me in contempt.
Judge: Guilty or not guilty?
Lucky: It depends on the moment in the day to which you are referring.
Judge: Do you not understand I have the power to throw you in the crate for the rest of your life?
Lucky: In that case I plead not guilty....at least not in a mean way. I am guilty if you want to be strict in your interpretation, but you must admit I am nice about it. Does this mean no milk bones for dessert?

I sat by the crate as Lucky slept, so that he wouldn't feel alone in his fear. Frankly his fear was a greater prison than the crate. Asherel and I had done a Bible study that very morning on fear. We were looking at Mark 4 where the storm comes up on Lake Galilee and the disciples can't believe that Jesus is sleeping through the storm. They cry out to Him and ask Him if He doesn't care if they drown or not. Jesus resists the urge to return to Heaven where everyone knows who He is, and asks them , "Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?"   The implication of course, stated explicitly elsewhere is that perfect faith casts out all fear.
"Why?" I asked Asherel, "Why should they not fear?"
"Because God will protect them," she answered.
"So Christians don't drown or get hurt or die young?" I asked., "Is God not protecting them too?"
This was one of those sticking points for me on my walk to faith. The age old question of why bad things happen to good people. Where is God then? How can Jesus tell the disciples not to fear when ultimately, nearly every one of them will be hideously martyred for their faith?
"What is the end game, the goal of every Christian?" I asked.
"To be with God," she said.
"And what could prevent that?"
"Sin..."
"Yes, but who?"
"Satan."
"If we believe Jesus, do we need to fear Satan? Can he take us from God?"
"No," she answered.
"That I think is why we should not fear. If we have perfect faith (and none of us do) we know that all that really matters is eternity with God, not life here on earth, and no one can take eternal life from us once we have accepted Jesus's gift of salvation. That is the protection He offers to every believer."


Lucky cocked an ear. He stretched and I could tell his crazy spell had passed. I opened his prison door.
"Go ye and sin no more," I told him..

Bring me out of prison, so that I may give thanks to your name.
Psalm 142:7

You were called to be free. Serve one another in love.
Galatians 5:13 (NIV)

The Tears of a Cloud

It looks like our snowboard adventure is rained out. The weather report warns that only ducks or polar bears would enjoy being outside today on the mountain we would be enjoying before our hospital stay. This of course is in no way to be construed as being said with great relief and praising God for providing a gracious out because I was not at all fearful of careening down a mountain with my brittle bones standing balanced sideways on a small piece of wood. After all, I have been watching the Olympics and taking prodigious notes. I paid particularly close attention to the scenes where the snow enthusiasts were being carted away unconscious on a stretcher. I cannot begin to tell you how excited that made me for our upcoming snowboarding trip. But alas, it appears that we will have to wait. I made reservations for March 10 when Matt will be home and able to go with us so we could maybe split the cost of the physician in the ER.

Rain is not usually welcome. It is often a plan-spoiler. The folks in Seattle can attest to the depressive disorders caused by constant rain. It can be known to push some people out there over the edge, right into Communism. One of my favorite disorders is caused by lack of sun- Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I just chuckle every time I see that disease mentioned, though of course I realize how unkind that is. It is just that I know some people with pencil and notepad spent hours coming up with that acronym and I admire good slogans. It apparently requires many days of rain in a row to develop SAD. Until the critical number of days have transpired, most sufferers have the less serious condition known as MAD, or Muttering Against Dreariness, and even just one day of rain can invoke BAD, which involves swear words that have no place in an uplifting blog like this one.

If you google rain and depression, there is a whole plethora of unhappy people who are sitting by the grey window picking lint out of their belly buttons and listening to "The Tears of a Clown." So among the questions I intend to ask God someday is why did He invent rain?

I know that spring showers bring May flowers. My question is deeper than that. When you are the Creator and can plan the universe anyway you want, choosing details right down to the color of the wallpaper, why make a planet dependent on a source of water that makes us SAD, MAD, and BAD? Water could have just bubbled up from below leaving the sun free to shine and give us all enough vitamin D to prevent osteoporosis.

I think Asherel came to the proper answer a few days ago. It was Friday, and we had finished school and were spending time in one of our favorite stores, LOWES building supplies.
Out of nowhere she said, "I guess if we didn't have Mondays, we wouldn't appreciate Fridays so much."

I suspect that is the crux of many of the hard things we grapple with. If we didn't have pain, how would we understand and appreciate its absence? Without evil, would we understand good? Without rain, would we know to dance in the sun?

Hosea 6:3
Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth."