Goose Busters

As I pulled into the Alzheimers parking lot, I was behind a large van labeled, "Goose Busters". There was a big black circle with a slash painted through it over the photo of a Canada Goose. While I laughed, and found it a clever slogan, it bothered me too. Geese are considered a menace. I can understand this concern around airports where a single goose sucked into a giant jet engine can cripple an airplane. But the main reason people don't want geese in their parks or streets? Goose poop. Geese are messy and inconvenient, so who ya gonna call? Goose Busters!

I wonder how they bust the goose?

A half century ago, geese were almost extinct due to overhunting. Now, there are too many geese, and each goose produces as much as a pound a day of goose poop. While my dog Lucky considers goose poop a delicacy, most of us cringe at the sight of those greenish blobs scattered on our park walkways. So, surprisingly, there are many internet sites about "goose busting".

Some goose busters use trained border collies. The collies don't kill the geese. They herd them. That is what border collies love to do. But geese, it turns out, do not love to be herded. After a little border collie treatment, the geese fly off to someone else's yard or park to lay down their pound of poop. Or for just $900, you can invest in your own device, also called a Goosebuster. This utilizes sonic warfare. An audio device blasts rap music 24 hours a day which drives geese and old people away. This is a particularly popular item with the under 25 crowd. Actually, it uses "sound waves and audio signals" to disorient and confuse the geese. They don't specify the nature of these sound waves, thus I hypothesized rap music, but it is possible they are broadcasting "Ode to Joy". At any rate, the geese become so disoriented and bewildered that some have been known to immediately vacate the property in droves....flying in a wobbly line straight to the nearest Alzheimer unit.  None of them know why they are there, but even confused geese still poop a pound a day. That is why, I suspect, the Goose Buster truck was pulling into the parking lot as I was that day. I cannot help but wonder why the Goose Busters believe "disoriented and confused" geese to be less of a menace than geese with their full mental faculties intact.

I thought of all the things in the world I would love to see busted, and geese are not on the list. For starters, I would like to bust Alzheimers. Then, after clearing up that scourge I would move on to war, disease, natural disaster, and the coup de grace, plastic flowers planted outdoors around mailboxes.

But the dirty little secret, the part of goose busting that is implied but never explicitly mentioned....all these humane goose busters do indeed have impressive success rates driving the geese away. But the geese are not gone; just relocated and someone else's problem! This is the basis of nearly all the world's woes, in my opinion. As long as it doesn't hurt me, it is not a problem. If I am not the one sidestepping the goose poop, case closed!

I took a deep breath, stepped around the goose poop, and steeled myself for the walk through the Alzheimers unit to visit my old friend.

Exodus 4: 12-13
¹² Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”
 ¹³ But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”

Sheep Psychology

I was chatting with a Dog Agility class member last night about an upcoming trial in July. He said he would not be able to attend as he will be in a Sheep Psychology Class.

This, of course, got my brain instantly whirling. I would never have suspected that sheep were smart enough to have a whole class devoted to how their psyches operate. I instantly got visions of flocks of sheep all gathering around "Dog Evasion Handbooks" and plotting how to mess with the Border Collie's Head.

First sheep: "I say the best strategy is to play dumb...."
Second sheep: "That won't be too hard, as I believe, as it says in this manual, we ARE dumb."
Third sheep: "But DUMB is what the dog expects. Let's try SMART."
Fourth sheep: "I don't do SMART well."
Third sheep:"That's why we have this book. See, the chapter on Sheep Psychology tells us that dogs expect us to move together as a flock with no leader. I say we scatter.... Can you just see the look on his face?!"

I think I want to skip the Dog Agility Trial and attend the Sheep Psychology class myself. According to my friend, there will be no sheep actually present at the class. The class members will pretend to be sheep and mimic what a typical sheep might do.

First Student: "Baaaaaaaaaaaa."
Second Student: "Run! I see a predator!"
Third Student: "That is not a predator. This is a sheep dog trial, dope. They are trained not to kill us or they lose their national ranking. Let's just stand here and not budge."

Then students, pretending to be Border Collies will try to understand the psychology of sheep, and determine how best to get the flock to go through a series of gates, split the flock in half, and then round them up to go into a pen.

It is hard being an adult with all the responsibilities of adults. This sounds perilously close to kindergarten recess, but I think we all need that now and then. And afterall, what a wonderful thing to do, pretending to be sheep! I just pray we all would recognize the one Shepherd worth following.

Psalm 100:3
Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his ; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.