When Disappointments fall like snow

Snowboards- check.
Helmets- check.
Waterproof pants- check
Fancy snowboard jacket- check
Boots- check
Waterproof warm mittens- check
Snow...
We forgot the snow!!!!!

The latest ski report doesn't bode well for our ski trip tomorrow. There are some resorts that have snow, but not the one we are going to. We have to go where the homeschool group goes and that mountain is currently in snow deficit. So we sit amidst our pile of snowboard/ski equipment with woebegone faces.

Disappointment can rip joy out of life. There is unfortunately, almost always a constant stream of disappointing events in life. It is very easy to wade into them and lose sight of all the blessings lined up on the shore. I wonder why we rarely have to remind ourselves to start counting the disappointments. I remember a song from my childhood that I loved. It went something like this:
When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep.
And soon I fall asleep
Counting my blessings.

God recommends the same strategy.

Deuteronomy 12:7
There, in the presence of the LORD your God, you and your families shall eat and shall rejoice in everything you have put your hand to, because the LORD your God has blessed you.

Lyrics to Count Your Blessings (Instead Of Sheep)
by Irving Berlin  :

When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds
If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings

Genesis 49: 25-26
because of the Almighty, who blesses you
with blessings of the skies above,
   blessings of the deep springs below,
   blessings of the breast and womb.
²⁶ Your father’s blessings are greater
   than the blessings of the ancient mountains,
   than the bounty of the age-old hills.

Psalm 4: 7-8
⁷ Fill my heart with joy
   when their grain and new wine abound.
 ⁸ In peace I will lie down and sleep,
   for you alone, LORD,
   make me dwell in safety.

Helmets in season and out of season

On the record near hottest day of the year, we went shopping for snowboard helmets. I always do my winter shopping in summer. I usually save 50-75%. Presuming this isn't the end of the world, much as recent events would suggest it might be, Asherel needs a snow board helmet. She had been wearing her bicycle helmet the past two ski seasons, but sport helmets are specialized for a reason. The number one reason is, of course, that the helmet companies want to make money. The second reason is that a bike helmet covers only the top of the head, but a snowboard helmet circumnavigates the skull.  Lining the helmets of various sports up against each other, it is easy to determine which sport is most likely to shatter one's skull into tiny fragments.

We found a helmet that was 50% off because it was a 2010 model. It fit Asherel, was a pretty  1970's countertop green, and the price was right.
"You should get a helmet too," said Asherel.
"Why? My bike helmet is fine.... Wait.....Do I embarrass you skiing in my bike helmet?"
"Oh no," she said quickly, "Why would a 50 year old woman skiing in a child's pink with purple flower bike helmet embarrass me?"
I bought a snowboard helmet at the sharply reduced rate as well.

Truth be told, I hate wearing helmets. They never quite fit my small head correctly (which is why I wear a pink child's bike helmet) and they rub my hair and pull on it. However, I do realize that helmets are a safeguard, and sensible, and it is foolish to take up a high speed, crazy sport like skiing or snowboarding without wearing a helmet.

And, helmets are biblical. God warns us in both the new and the old Testaments to "put on the helmet of salvation."  Helmets protect the head, the part of the body that thinks, sees, hears, smells, and tastes. If we want our senses and our thoughts to be safe, we put on a helmet of salvation. Evil lurks as real to the believer (or anyone...) as the likelihood of a fall lurks in the day of a snowboarder. Only a fool refuses to wear a helmet, or pretends he will never fall.

Putting on the snowboard helmet was easy, once I found the right size- xxs.  How does one put on a "helmet of salvation", however?  Fortunately, we don't even have to do that ourselves. If we believe in Jesus, He does it for us. And fortunately, we don't even need to wait for a sale on salvation, out of season. It is always free!

Ephesians 6:16-18

¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 

Isaiah 59:17

He put on righteousness as his breastplate, and the helmet of salvation on his head

1 Thessalonians 5: 8-10

⁸ But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. ⁹ For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. ¹⁰ He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. 

LIke a Banner on a Hill

Our gear clattered to the floor as we slid into the desk at the ski lodge to check in.
"Do they have time to get their stuff on and make the lesson?" I asked breathlessly.
 Originally, we had not planned on a snowboard lesson, but then on the drive, the kids seemed to feel if they could get a lesson beyond rank beginner, it could be useful. It was included in the rental cost anyway. We had to fly into our ski clothes and racewalk to the lodge as the lesson started very soon.
"They are past beginners," I said, "They can stop and turn and stay upright most of the time."
"The intermediate lesson starts in 5 minutes," she said.
I didn't ask what kind of skill they might need to do an intermediate lesson. We were in too big a hurry. I just hustled Asherel and Ben into their gear and shoved them out the door. It occurred to me belatedly that intermediate might not be their level.

As I saw their teacher leading them to a blue diamond hill, the feeling became a certainty. There are three levels of colors , sometimes four, to designate skill level needed to successfully make it down the slope without the aid of a medic and helicopter. Green is for beginners. That is the hightest level my snowboarders had tackled. Blue is intermediate, or more difficult. Black is suicidal. or impossible for people with fully functioning cerebrums.

The kids did not seem to notice the color of the diamond as they boarded the chair lift. I followed at a distance, like Judas. Oh Lord, forgive me, I thought as I climbed into the chair lift behind them and we went up up up. The sound of skiers and snowboarders crashing and tumbling came from both sides.  I had been on a blue diamond hill last trip and so knew what to expect. Since Ben and Asherel still thought they were on a beginner, maybe advanced beginner hill, they did not know what to expect. I saw them at the top of the mountain and whispered, "Will you be ok?"
Asherel waved me away. I don't blame her. She sure better hang on every word of the instructor if she hoped to make it to Saturday unscathed.

It is interesting how perceptions color responses and actions. The teacher assumed they were intermediate snowboarders. Not someone who had been on a snowboard a grand total of twice, like Ben. The kids assumed that I would not put them in a situation they were not prepared to survive, and thus thought this must be a beginner slope. And so for the next hour, they all snowboarded under that illusion, and when the lesson ended, wanted to spend the whole afternoon on that slope.

"I was shocked to see him lead you to a blue diamond hill," I said, "You guys were awesome."
"That was a blue diamond hill?" asked Ben.
They both smiled, a little incredulously.
"I wouldn't have gone on a blue diamond hill myself," he admitted.
And I wouldn't have wanted you to, I admitted.

This was a classic example of rising to the occasion. Within a few runs, both kids were racing down the mountain without falling at all. It really was miraculous to me. I stood on the mountaintop looking out over the incredible vista and thought about perceptions, and misperceptions.

Isaiah is my favorite prophet. I love the imagery in his words. He has quite a bit to say about mountaintops and misperceptions.  He berates his people because they refuse to see truth. They want to listen only to prophets who bathe them in false illusions. He says they crumble and flee at the first sign of trouble, and will be left all alone, like a banner on a mountaintop. He begs them to see the truth, the right way, the error of their deceitful hearts....yet they would have none of it. They preferred a fantasy that required no repentence, no righteous action on their part. But Isaiah told them that even then, even in the midst of their stubborn desire to promote their own interests in the face of God's convicting truths, even then, God longed for them to return to Him.

It is so easy to fall into self deception, to think we can stand alone atop a mountain, that the world revolves around our interests, that we don't need to listen to the clear commands of our Creator. Isaiah warns us that it is the hand of God that must lead us down the right path.

I've been on black diamond slopes of life, and I sure don't want to navigate those without God hanging on to me. Ben and Asherel made it safely down a mountain that was beyond their skill under the protection of a skillful guide. And soon, they could navigate it on their own, because they knew the way. I love that image, the one that will have to hold me til next ski season, as this was our last trip for this season. The snow is melting, the days are warming, and so soon I will be seeking new ways to endanger life and limb.



Isaiah 30: 10-12, 15, 17-18

Tell us pleasant things,
   prophesy illusions.
¹¹ Leave this way,
   get off this path,
and stop confronting us
   with the Holy One of Israel!”  ¹² Therefore this is what the Holy One of Israel says:
   “Because you have rejected this message,
   relied on oppression
   and depended on deceit,

 “In repentance and rest is your salvation,
   in quietness and trust is your strength,
   but you would have none of it.

you will all flee away,
till you are left
   like a flagstaff on a mountaintop,
   like a banner on a hill.”

 ¹⁸ Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
   therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
For the LORD is a God of justice.
   Blessed are all who wait for him!

Into the Fog

"Mrs. Kaseorg, Can you see the road?"
"No."
"How do you know where to drive?"
"I am making educated guesses."
"When will you know if you guess wrong?"
"When we are hurtling off the edge of the mountain. I suggest you practice 'tuck and roll'."

The fog gave new meaning to "so thick you could cut it with a knife." I would have turned around but I could not see to either side of the steep, winding road climbing to the tallest ski mountain in NC. I was going 5 miles an hour, at times less, and straining to see the center line of the road. If I kept just a few inches to the right of that, I hoped (prayed) that we would make it to the top. I was bringing Asherel and her friends Alex and Ben to snowboard. It was spooky in that ghostly, milky white. How on earth could we ski in this? Had we just driven three hours for nothing? Well, not for nothing. We had driven three hours to endanger life and limb. The adrenalin rush driving in the fog was more than I ever got skiing.

Finally we reached the parking lot. We could not see the mountain, the lodge , or anything  except fog and the few people within inches of us gliding silently by. I had never tried to ski in fog. I don't have much experience with this sport. And I was responsible for 3 young souls.
"Excuse me?" I asked a skier returning to his car, materializing like a specter from the gloom, "Can you ski in this stuff?"
"It's not easy," he said, "You have to go slow."

Surprisingly the parking lot was mobbed. All these people couldn't be wrong, could they? So we got our equipment and lift tickets and hustled Ben off to his lesson for his first snowboard experience. I knew the kids would not leave the bunny slope so they were in little danger. But at this point, the bunny slope was not fun for me so I headed to find a chair lift. The fog was so thick that I couldn't see chairlifts, or any slopes. but eventually I asked enough people to steer me to the right place, and climbed on the chairlift taking me to a slope I was told was for beginners, but was shrouded completely in the cloud dancing on earth.

It was eerily silent on the chair lift, sound muffled by the fog. Skiers right below me would glide into view and then fade away into whiteness. Visible life was only a few hundred feet in any direction. The rest of the world could have been Mars. It was very disconcerting, yet oddly peaceful having that limited vision, all visual choices narrowed to the world immediately around me. It is not often in life that so much of the madness around you is suddenly shut off, obliterated.

I rode the quiet chairlift through the cloud and thought of God. They say when you die, you see a long white tunnel with light at the end. All around you is whiteness. Near-death survivors speak very similarly of this sensation. There is a little too much going on in my life right now. Maybe always....School, science olympiad in 2 weeks, fixing our projects so we won't be humiliated, a painting for Matt's wedding to finish, a painting of a pitbull to start for Hollow Creek Farm, the rehearsal dinner to plan, the travel and tux and dress arrangements to be made for the wedding, the dogs and upcoming agility trial, the elderly grandma that should not be living alone but is still fighting any efforts to convince her otherwise, the constant struggle to be what God wants me to be.....It all clamors and bumps against me.

But here, all alone on a chairlift in the milky fog, quietly going up up up into the whiteness, it was all shrouded, quieted, momentarily gone.  I would not have asked for fog had God been sending out a request form, but I realized that perhaps fog is exactly what I needed that day.

The fog had dissipated on the road up the mountain, and our drive down was easy and uneventful. The glorious vistas that we had not seen on the harrowing drive up were revealed. Mountains and mountains in receding shades of blue filled the horizon. The kids chattered away, bursting with the success of their snowboarding. I said little, wrapped in the memory of the peaceful whiteness.

Isaiah 44:
²² I have swept away your offenses like a cloud,
   your sins like the morning mist.
Return to me,
   for I have redeemed you.”  ²³ Sing for joy, you heavens, for the LORD has done this;
   shout aloud, you earth beneath.
Burst into song, you mountains,
   you forests and all your trees,
for the LORD has redeemed Jacob,
   he displays his glory in Israel.

Ouch

The ski patrol medic held my hand. I winced.
"These injuries do hurt alot," he said sympathetically.

He rummaged in the medicine cabinet searching for supplies.
"Ah, here is the one I need," he said pulling out a roll of gauze, scissors, and tape.
"I think I dislocated it," I said,"And felt like passing out, but I wrenched it back in its socket. It hurts alot though."
"This is the most common ski injury," he said, "They call it skiers thumb. Jamming their hand against the ground when they fall."
I nodded, and grimaced as he gently began to wrap my thumb.
"How'd you do it?" he asked.

Drat. I knew he might end up asking that. And first he would want to know how I had enjoyed my day, had I been there since the slope opened at 8, was I on one of those dreaded Black Devil runs......?
Truth be told, I had not yet set foot on the slope.....

"I was tightening my kid's ski boot for her," I admitted.
He didn't bat an eye. They must hear and see alot of wild stories on the ski slopes.
"I was afraid I would go into shock," I said, "Like I did the first time I injured my thumb like this."
"What did you do that time?" he asked, wrapping the thumb carefully.
"I was pushing a grocery cart," I said.
"Yeh, you gotta be careful with contact sports like that," he sympathized

He finished up.
"How does it feel?" he asked.
I pulled my ski glove over it.
"It feels great!" I said, "I don't use my poles anyway. I think I will be fine. Thankyou!"

And off I went to the safer sport of actually skiing.

I had known some sort of punishment awaited me. I am always guilty of something. I was relatively glad I had gotten off so easily. Thankfully, despite a good 20 or 30 runs down the mountain, I didn't fall so I didn't get skiers thumb the way most skiers get it. And Asherel and her friend Alex were making remarkable progress on their snowboards.

It reminded me of another serious injury I had once sustained- a concussion. I got that one vacuuming.

I suppose my life is why I have no problem accepting the Bible as literal truth. No one would believe anything I said if they weren't there to observe it. Fact is always stranger than fiction. But my injury made me think of poor old Jeremiah of the Old Testament, trying to convince the Israelites to stop disobeying God, and trust Him. Sometimes we are afflicted,  and we must endure, because there is no other choice. But ultimately, it is all for good if it turns us back to the only one who can heal our sick soul as well as our dislocated thumbs.

Jeremiah 10: 19-22
 ¹⁹ Woe to me because of my injury!
   My wound is incurable!
Yet I said to myself,
   “This is my sickness, and I must endure it.”
²⁰ My tent is destroyed;
   all its ropes are snapped.
My children are gone from me and are no more;
   no one is left now to pitch my tent
   or to set up my shelter.
²¹ The shepherds are senseless
   and do not inquire of the LORD;
so they do not prosper
   and all their flock is scattered.
²² Listen! The report is coming—
   a great commotion from the land of the north!
It will make the towns of Judah desolate,
   a haunt of jackals.

 ²³ LORD, I know that people’s lives are not their own;
   it is not for them to direct their steps.
²⁴ Discipline me, LORD, but only in due measure—
   not in your anger,
   or you will reduce me to nothing.

"Easy" trails

Who would pay for bruises, wrenched necks, frozen finger tips, moments of paralyzing fear, and humiliation? We would! In fact, we did. Four of us paid for the privilege to hurtle down a mountain in freezing cold with almost 100% assurance of at least minor injury.

We drove three hours, and with one minute to go til we reached our destination, we had still not seen a speck of snow. Then we pulled into a mostly empty parking lot, and what looked like a ski lodge with no sign of life in it. There was a mountain behind it....with some snow. The top looked bare. No wonder it was so cheap to ski here! We all looked at each other.

"Is it open?" asked Asherel.
"I'll go find out," I said.
I bravely entered the ghost town. There were only 3 or 4 runs open on the mountain, the rest was too patchy.... but they were open for business. They did have a bunny slope, an easy trail, and then the dreaded Black Diamond trail that only suicidal maniacs attempt.

We brought an expert with us this time. Danielle has four seasons of snowboarding under her snow boots and is already tackling black diamond runs. For those of you who are more sane and don't ski, a black diamond run is a trail down the mountain that is formed by dropping a 40 ton rock straight through the earth. The resulting path is vertical to within .00008 margin of error. Some people prefer to just parachute down Black Diamond runs, others prefer to start off on skis and then finish the run on the ski patrol toboggan, strapped in with life preserving chemicals and air being pumped into their body. I think it is safe to say that I will never go on a Black Diamond trail.

We also brought Alex, a rank beginner and friend of Asherel's. Danielle worked with Asherel while Alex had her beginner lesson with the ski school. I was thus free to go off and ski by myself, being fully trained now with one full lesson from my first outing.   I toodled around on the bunny slope, watching the kids and Danielle. Danielle worked her magic instructing Asherel, and after an hour, I had maxed out on the bunny slope. Danielle and I headed to the one operating chair lift, leaving the beginner snowboarding kids to practice seeing just how big and dark a bruise they could sustain and still stand.

The chairlift would take us half way up the mountain to the "easy" slope, or if we stayed on the chair at great risk to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, it would take us to the mouth of the dreaded Black Diamond run.  I clutched the hand bar of the lift and asked Danielle only about 604 times how we would know where to get off so we would not inadvertently travel to the top of the mountain, where of course certain death awaited me. To her credit she did not roll her eyes. She assured me it would be obvious....even to me.

And it was. The chair doesn't slow down. There is a big yellow sign that says "GET OFF!!!" or something like that, and another sign that says, "ONLY EXPERT SKIERS WITH EXPLICIT DEATH WISHES SHOULD REMAIN ON LIFT TO TOP OF MOUNTAIN."  So at the big yellow sign, you raise the hand bar if you are able to pry your clutching fingers off of it, and then you push forward on your seat and jump a little onto a steep decline. In theory, you then ski out of the way of the chair lift, and come to a graceful stop at a plateau area, where you survey a GULP steep icy descent that is way longer, steeper,  and icier than the bunny slope.
"Are you sure this is the easy trail?" I asked Danielle.
She nodded.
"It is not as easy as the one at Sugar, is it?" (Sugar is the last place I skied and its easy trail was not half as steep or long as this easy trail. Nor was it covered in icy granules like this easy trail.)
"No," she admitted.
"I didn't think so," I said. I stood on the precipice wondering how I was going to get down. Danielle was still smiling, latching up her snowboard to her free foot, as though she thought this was going to be fun.

"Cowabunga!" I said. This would have made Asherel run off with the nearest other adult so no one would think she was related to me, but Danielle didn't seem overly mortified. I like Danielle.

And off I hurtled. Actually, my first run down the slope, I snowplowed the whole way, so I didn't hurtle. I actually crawled. Danielle waited about half an hour for me to catch her at the bottom. My legs were shaking from a workout of muscles that had never before been called into action. But I was alive, and had not fallen once. And when I was able to straighten my legs again, Danielle asked if I was ready to try it again.
NO....but.... how would I ever improve if I didn't challenge myself to do something that was just a tad beyond me? I thought of Asherel and her helicopter, that pesky Science Olympiad helicopter that after months of work...still wasn't quite flying. But it was almost there.....almost....just try a little harder......

"Let's go," I told Danielle. The second time, I didn't grip the hand rail quite so hard, and I knew where to slide off the chair at the halfway point. And this time down the mountain, I only snowplowed half the time. I started doing curves and turns back and forth across the wide open expanse. And I was having the time of my life.
"AGAIN!" I told Danielle.
By the third time, I was going fast, with Danielle right with me. Of course fast is a relative term, and Danielle was braking alot, but I was no longer scared and I was skiing, really skiing, not just doing an extended brake.

Sometimes you have to push yourself a little beyond what you think you can bear. And sometimes it leads to disaster, and broken bones.... but sometimes it leads to ecstasy that you might never have known otherwise.

Psalm 90: selected verses
 ¹ Lord, you have been our dwelling place
   throughout all generations.
² Before the mountains were born
   or you brought forth the whole world,
   from everlasting to everlasting you are God⁹ All our days pass away under your wrath;
   we finish our years with a moan.
¹⁰ Our days may come to seventy years,
   or eighty, if our strength endures;
yet the best of them are but trouble and sorrow,
   for they quickly pass, and we fly away. ¹² Teach us to number our days,
   that we may gain a heart of wisdom.  ¹⁷ May the favor^[a] of the Lord our God rest on us;
   establish the work of our hands for us—
   yes, establish the work of our hands.

Following the flight plan....

What little the hairdresser left we want to rip out now. Frustration over our Science Olympiad Helicopters has reached an almost unbearable peak. After approximately 4,567,898 hours of research and construction, the helicopter flies about 4 seconds. Everything about the helicopter looks good. There is no reason it should not fly, but it doesn't. Se we are doing what every dedicated, hard working, serious scientist does when she faces obstacles and setbacks.

We are going snowboarding.

And we are taking a friend and an expert snowboarder. Our expert, Danielle, will trade us a lesson for Asherel in exchange for the drive to the mountains. She guarantees that she will have Asherel turning and stopping in no time.  I know that even falling and crashing  on a snowy mountain for now would be more fun for Asherel than gluing her fingers to 4 gram balsa helicopters that won't fly.

And it is not for lack of trying. I cannot with a straight face say Asherel listened to all my advice...not at first, anyway. She is now. However, she has put more hours into this helicopter than anything else she has ever attempted, including learning how to read and write. I am not certain this kind of effort for the return is worth it. She has learned less about helicopters than she has about perseverance, uphills that never end, and how to live a life with no fun or free time for a season. Maybe that is the point.Those lessons may sometimes hold her in good stead, if  say one day she is told the Messiah will come but until then, there will be wars, famines, disease, despair, and spiritual battles.She must learn to live joyfully, victoriously, expectantly even when the world around her is not at all an aviator's dream. Oh wait.....she is told that....

Maybe God is throwing an object lesson our way. Do not give up. Ever.Not on the really important things like living a holy life, sanctified to God, filled with truth and righteousness. Do not weary of doing right- others are watching. And when they see your helicopter fly out of glue stained, worn out fingers that are cramped from all those hours of tedious careful work, you just never know if their soul might be tempted to follow  your flight plan. You never know who might be flying in your draft right into the arms of the God of both Heaven and Earth.

"Have you got your helicopter ready?" I asked one of the high school division kids. He is doing the same event at a higher level than Asherel.
"We haven't even started yet, " he answered, "We're hoping to find a used one on Ebay."

And then there is that approach.

Meanwhile, we hope to return from flying down snowy mountains to flying helicopters.
Never give up.....

Bringing the Mountain to Me

If we can't go to the mountain, we bring the mountain to us.
If this is not a saying by Confucious, it should be.
We were all excited about the snow which was falling steadily but then it petered out shortly after lunch and there was not quite enough to ski on the streets. The roads were hazardous, so I couldn't drive to the golf course with its ski resort- like hills. We were stuck with just our yard of snow. The snow was a good 3 or 4 inches deep, which was plenty on the grass to cross country ski, or even snowboard.  Our "mountain" was perhaps a 5 degree slope from the side fence to the back fence, maybe a total of 50 feet for our snowboarding slope. My cross country trail was a half acre loop around the outer perimeter of the yard. We groomed our trails thinking we should set up shop and sell lift tickets.

Asherel had traded her old new snowboard in for a smaller, more controllable one. The old new one was just too long for a beginner and she couldn't turn or stop, though she could go really fast straight down the hill and off the mountain into oncoming traffic. This was to be the maiden voyage on her new new snowboard.

We put on our layers of wool and down, and headed to the "slope". When straight snowboarding on our backyard hill resort was a little slow, Asherel tried swinging on the tire swing and then catapulting herself down the "mountain".  This didn't really work, but I gave her 10 points for style and ingenuity. Meanwhile, my trail had all the elements necessary for great cross country....except that the country I was crossing was the size of a postage stamp. With that small limitation, everything else was in place for a fantastic day on the slope. I had beautiful snow covered trees lining my trail. Wildlife abounded....at least two snow crazy dogs were going wild with abandon leaping beside me. The trails were quickly smooth and groomed and just the exact perfect gliding over consistency that x-c skiers live for. I had sharp turns, an exhilarating downhill, a carb burning uphill, and two "long" straight sections to work on my gliding technique. We were out there an hour.

We had not told Arvo where we were. Last he knew, we were dressed for a day of wilderness skiing and had disappeared with our gear. My phone rang.
"Hello?" I said, "Make it quick- I am skiing and time is money at a swank resort like this one."
"Oh, I was  just wondering when you were coming home," he said,
"I am home," I answered, "Look out the back window."

Asherel was using her snowboard for a sled by now, kneeling on it and shoving off down our "hill". Honeybun was on the scent of some underground hibernating creature, probably a den of vipers, and her snout was covered with dirt. I snapped the phone closed, and prepared to tackle the "downhill."

So it all goes to show once again that Dorothy came to the right conclusion. We can search far and wide for our hearts' desires, but in the end, "There is no place like home."  How often I am seeking contentment in far off places, when it is possible to carry the very presence of God right here in the center of my own heart? Quite often, the mountain of delight I am searching only satisfies for a moment, and then that longing returns, the longing for home, for the place where my roots run deep and I feel I belong. Ultimately, I am not home...not til I am back with my Creator.That wanderlust so many of us feel, that sense that if only I could round that next corner I will find what I am looking for, I think reflects that primal need to find home. But I am not sure home is really a place so much as a Being. We sense we are apart...but we don't always remember Whom it is we are missing. Strange how something so central to my existence should be at once so present and yet feel so far away sometimes. It is good to be forced by the storms of life to hunker down and recognize I am already there, and He never left.

"Does this resort sell hot chocolate?" asked Asherel.
"I think so," I answered, "Of course it is expensive but then everything is on the mountain. Com'on, I'll treat you."

Proverbs 27

⁸ Like a bird that flees its nest
   is anyone who flees from home.

Proverbs 7:11

¹¹ She is unruly and defiant,
   her feet never stay at home;

Isaiah 32:17-18

¹⁷ The fruit of that righteousness will be peace;
   its effect will be quietness and confidence forever.
¹⁸ My people will live in peaceful dwelling places,
   in secure homes,
   in undisturbed places of rest.

2 Corinthians: 4- 9, 20-21

⁴ For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. ⁵ Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.  ⁶ Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. ⁷ For we live by faith, not by sight. ⁸ We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. ⁹ So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.
20...We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. ²¹ God made him who had no sin to be sin

Mountains of Fear

I stared glumly at the live video stream from the top of the mountain we would be on in two days- blinding, white out blizzard. A few huddled masses skied by but they were indiscernible blobs in the horizontally blowing snow.
"My this does look fun, " I murmured.

My first ploy to avoid the snowboard trip was to insist Asherel have her new helicopter design finished and competition worthy by sundown Sunday. She appears to be on target to meet that goal. Secondly, she had to have her art submission for the Scholastic Art Contest finished as well, since once school starts back Monday, we will not have much extra time and the deadline is looming. Since our snowboard trip is a school day, Tuesday, she had to complete those extras over vacation.  But it looks like even the very detailed and lovely art submission will be done.

So I will again be hauling my brittle bones off to a steep and icy mountain to hurtle myself downward on small pieces of wood..... and pay for the privilege! It could be worse. Now that I have a season of snowboarding under my belt, and Asherel has her own snowboard equipment, she has agreed that I can ski rather than snowboard. Since I already cross country ski and often tackle downhills on those skis, I feel fairly confident that I will get the hang of downhill skiing. Asherel is a quirky kid with unusual interests, and doesn't go for the typical sports that most kids gravitate to- things that moms just stand on the sideline and cheer, like soccer, or basketball. Her sports involve animals- horseback riding, dog agility, loose parakeet chasing. And now snowboarding, which she doesn't want to do alone. Since I know the day will come when I will beg her to spend time with me, it is just wise to spend time with her when she requests it now. Besides, we would much rather encourage healthy outdoor activity  rather than undue focus on makeup application or illicit drug experimentation. Therefore, I am willing to foster this new interest of hers and to foster it, I must brave the consequences to myself. What are a few broken bones in exchange for a healthy, clean cut teenager?

But that video stream of the mountain did not engender cheery thoughts......

I face this self defeating fear whenever I meet some new situation. How I would love to march courageously and joyfully into every new adventure without a moment's hesitation! I try not to let the fear defeat me and paralyze me, but I would be a liar to say it is not a constant battle. I have had some very useless advice regarding this fear, the most annoying being, "Just don't feel it."  This is stated in varying "helpful" ways such as, "Don't be silly", "Stop being negative", or my favorite, "That's just stupid."
And it often is stupid, but telling someone who fears just not to fear never works.  The one thing that does work is to change the focus, but it requires continual prayer and vigilance on my part. Reading scripture and visualizing God beside me, His arm supporting me as I venture into the scary world of the unknown really does manage to calm me to the degree that I can move however tremulously forward.  And I have learned that when my foot hits the mountain, the fear subsides as the unknown becomes known and most of the time, I have adventures and delight that mark the fondest moments of my life.

Ultimately, fear results from loss of understanding, or loss of control, or loss of trust...and sometimes all three. I know this New Year will not likely free me from all fear, but I do pray I am freed from some. And perhaps these little forays into places that I do not easily venture is building courage step by step. In a sense, I am not skiing down a mountain, I am climbing a mountain of a different sort. I pray for all my readers that whatever mountains you are braving in your life, don't give up til you reach the summit. I suspect God is sitting at the top, waiting for you.

Exodus 3:11-13

 ¹¹ But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”
 ¹² And God said, “I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.”

Psalm 46

 ¹ God is our refuge and strength,
   an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
   and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
   and the mountains quake with their surging.

Long days of winter begin.....

As I started packing away the ornaments, Asherel walked by and wryly commented, "I am surprised you didn't start putting those away at 12:01 a.m. the day after Christmas."
"I thought about it," I said.
I love Christmas decorations, until the day after Christmas. Then I am ready to move on to Spring and maybe even summer vacation. The decorations were up for a solid month, and I had to rearrange our house to fit the Christmas tree in the right corner, so everything was a little cramped and cluttered for a month. I hate clutter. In a flurry of cleaning, while the boys still slept, I carted Christmas away. Now the dreary long months of winter stretch before me.

I would have been cross country skiing instead of cleaning if Mother Nature had cooperated, but she had not. She stopped snowing before there was barely a coating on the grass, and the roads were clear. I did put on my skis and do a few laps in the backyard, in case it was the last snow we saw in ten years.
I used my imagination to provide the excitement during the 1/16 mile loops.
"Is that a bear I see in the distance?" I asked my Pretend Ski Friend.
"I don't think so..." she answered, "In fact, I believe it is a snow covered lounge chair. But they are easily mistaken for bears."
I careened down the "hill" and did my giant shalom around the many dog poop piles.  While it was hard to contain the exhilaration from my little venture into the giant backyard wilderness, I tired of the game after three laps and headed back inside.
"You were only out there five minutes!" exclaimed Asherel.
"Yes, but I had seen all there was to see in four," I explained.

So we have two more days of my beloved boys afterwhich they return to real life. Then our season of craziness commences. We have two final months to build and perfect our helicopter and our trebuchet. There are deadlines for 3 art contests in the next 6 weeks, and we are about a thousand pages behind in biology. Honeybun has an agility trial mid January and we have to schedule some snow boarding trips so Asherel can use her new snowboard. My new art semester starts, and this year is the year I find an agent to represent me and sell my books to an adoring- public- in- waiting.

I look at my clean living room with the same joy I looked at my new Christmas living room a month ago. I know that soon I will not have enough time to clean or sit very long to reflect. It has been a wonderful Christmas vacation but the peace and leisure is about to be sucked away as we hit the new year running. I left one little piece of Christmas on display, however. I left the little creche Asherel made me on the piano where the morning sun rests before marching on with the day.  I left two little angels to guard it- one a gift from my son, the other a gift from our dear friend Polly. Those three things will keep me anchored during the storm of frenzy about to rage around us. The three things that I need to save time and energy and love for- God, family, and friends.

Job 27:10
¹⁰ Will they find delight in the Almighty?
   Will they call on God at all times?

Whimsy

We have an unexpected free Monday next week. The group I was working with ditched me to go skiing. Now I don't blame them, skiing is way more fun than me. And the offer was awfully hard to pass up- lessons, rental, and lift tix for less than $25.... but I still snivelled in the corner feeling sorry for myself for a little while.

Then I thought, hey, if they can do it.... "carpe diem", so can I! Asherel and I have been deliriously watching the Olympics and we both think snowboarding looks fun. I called the ski resort and booked the same fantastic deal for Asherel and me to go out Monday and learn to snowboard.

"Did you know, Mom," said Asherel who quickly set to work researching snowboarding, "That snowboarding is the MOST injurious sport?"
"You mean even more than sky diving... or bungee jumping,
or cutting fins off of sharks?"
She nodded.
So when my art class shuffled in I quickly asked if anyone snowboarded. One had and told me it would be great fun.
"Will I break my hip?" I asked.
She looked me over, "Probably not."
Then we went to our dog training class. Danielle is an expert snowboarder. I told her about our upcoming adventure.
"Will I break my hip?" I asked.
"Oh no," she answered, "Your knees."
Carpe Diem is not without its risks, apparently.
So there will probably not be a blog post on Monday as we need to leave early in the morning. There might not be a post on Tuesday unless the hospital has internet access.
Proverbs 22:3
A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.