Looking for Light

I was closing Asherel's door early this morning and glanced in the empty boy's room. Despite it being 6 years since Anders left and now Matt's been away to college for four, I always feel a momentary sob wanting to erupt when I walk in that room. My sister says I need medication, my boys feel I need a "life", and I feel a piece of my body is missing. It is not a pervasive, constant, or overwhelming grief.... it is just a little self-indulgent twinge. But this morning as I glanced in, I saw a little red light dancing in the air, near the curtains. It was like a little red Tinkerbell. I walked into the empty room. Mind you, I use the word "empty" as in empty of sons. It is hardly empty of "stuff" as it is currently housing 5 seven foot puppets. All those lifeless figures loomed in the darkness as I crept in, looking for the little light.

It must be some electronic device that was left on, I thought. So I gingerly tiptoed among the puppet giants searching. Hmmmm. Strange. Nothing plugged in over there.... no little red light. Perhaps it was something out the window, behind the blinds. I pull them aside to look out. Nothing there that might cause a little red light. The giant puppets all leer at me with their unseeing eyes and unfeeling hands. Lifeless mouths gape open, refusing to tell me the source of that light. Maybe it reflected off something in the hallway. I look at every wall, every corner. There is nothing that might have cast a little red light into their room.

So, I conclude, it must be God. This would drive my son nuts as he is brilliant and can't stand that anything I don't understand I instantly label God. Like gravity. I mean we all know what gravity feels like and everyone knows what you are talking about when you mention gravity....
but it is one of those things we feel so certain of, so basically convinced we understand.... and yet it is one of the baffling mysteries of the universe. Newton thought he understood and explained it perfectly while eating his apple pie, and then Einstein comes along with his theory of relativity and blows Newton's musings about gravity out of the water. But even Einstein couldn't explain some puzzling basics... like every other force on earth attracts and repels... why does gravity only attract? Of all the immensely powerful fundamental forces of the universe, gravity is inexplicably weak. And how did it become so fine tuned... if just a little weaker, or a little stronger, it would not exist! All life needs gravity to survive- just think of the rubber legged astronauts that have been in space very long and need to be carried off the spaceships. Quantum mechanics and relativity, the two best working theories we have so far seem to be at odds regarding gravity.

So I just conclude, Gravity is God. Now I am not saying that is all God is, but it is part of Him. The Bible supports me on this one.

"My own hand laid the foundations of the earth,
and my right hand spread out the heavens;
when I summon them,
they all stand up together." Isaiah 48:13

and Colossians 1:16-17
¹⁶For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. ¹⁷He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

Long before anyone had labeled or had a notion of gravity, or even of the gravitational forces of the universe, these simple Bible figures talked about how in God, the very universe holds together.

So back to that little red light in the boys' empty room. I think God was reminding me that it is not as empty as I feel. I think He was reminding me that He binds us all together, as He binds the universe together, and I may not see them but His hand is on them as solidly as it is on me and gravity never repels, it only pulls us closer....We all are being drawn back to Him.