Not Letting Go

I started my book on Honeybun two years ago, when we first found her. I knew something special was happening and I wanted to record it, at first just because I love to write and wanted to keep my family informed. As our unexpected success with her began to look possible, I realized that she was changing us as much as we were changing her. The idea for the book solidified and I wrote many hours a day for about a year. Then I sought publishers. I knew nothing about the book publishing world. I did what every naive, humble book writer wannabe does- booked airfare for NYC where I was sure hordes of admirers would be descending upon me to ask for my autograph before my taping on the Today Show. NOT.
I got writer's cramp, but not from writing my book. No, my fingers cramped from wadding all the rejection letters to toss into the garbage can. The book about a hopeless dog looking for a miracle became the pursuit of a hopeless writer looking for a miracle. The parallel would be breathtaking if it wasn't so depressing.
Many agents expressed interest, gave suggestions, asked for the full manuscript. Some still have it and are either reading it now, or using it to line their bird's cages. Hard to know which at this point. I don't want to be like one of those singers on American Idol that everyone laughs at because they are so deluded about their talent. On the other hand, I really believe the book is good and could be a hopeful inspiration to people struggling to achieve something they cannot achieve.... at least not easily. I have slogged along, through mounds of rejections, wrote a second book, and as you know, practice writing each day on all of you.
So last night, an agent wrote. She says the book has potential and gave me a "to do" list. I love lists. I love the act of checking them off and looking back at how much I accomplished. After two years of clinging to this dream and on the verge of slipping away from discouragement and weariness.... I have boxes to check!

It seems that a major lesson God is slamming me with on every front is that I must hang on to Him, to His direction, and to the goals I think He is directing me towards with every fiber of my being. If homeschool is not going well, and it often is not, I am to remember why I am doing it and hang on, my arms wrapped solidly around His promises. If my prayers for others to know and love God seem unanswered, I need to clasp my hands more fervently and repeatedly in supplication. If I feel attacked and misunderstood, I am to dig my fingernails in to what I believe is His guidance and keep my focus not on others but on Him. If I am rejected for the thousandth time, I have a Lord who was rejected much more severely and completely. When I want to give up, I know He understands, because even He asked that if it be possible, the bitter cup He was about to drink could pass him by, yet not "my will, but thy will."

Each time I revise the book it gets better. Each struggle I endure and hang in there, I get stronger. Each prayer of despair I pray is answered, and sometimes I see victory just around the corner..... though the corner is a very very distant corner. I love the triumphant verse from Invictus by Willian Henley,

It matters not how strait the gate
how charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul

but it is not my cry. I cling instead, in weakness, to the master of my fate and the captain of my soul, and I will not let go. Gotta run now, back to my editing.......

"I will not let you go, unless you bless me." Genesis 32:26

PS- keep those votes for Honeybun coming!!!!!