Mountains of Fear

I stared glumly at the live video stream from the top of the mountain we would be on in two days- blinding, white out blizzard. A few huddled masses skied by but they were indiscernible blobs in the horizontally blowing snow.
"My this does look fun, " I murmured.

My first ploy to avoid the snowboard trip was to insist Asherel have her new helicopter design finished and competition worthy by sundown Sunday. She appears to be on target to meet that goal. Secondly, she had to have her art submission for the Scholastic Art Contest finished as well, since once school starts back Monday, we will not have much extra time and the deadline is looming. Since our snowboard trip is a school day, Tuesday, she had to complete those extras over vacation.  But it looks like even the very detailed and lovely art submission will be done.

So I will again be hauling my brittle bones off to a steep and icy mountain to hurtle myself downward on small pieces of wood..... and pay for the privilege! It could be worse. Now that I have a season of snowboarding under my belt, and Asherel has her own snowboard equipment, she has agreed that I can ski rather than snowboard. Since I already cross country ski and often tackle downhills on those skis, I feel fairly confident that I will get the hang of downhill skiing. Asherel is a quirky kid with unusual interests, and doesn't go for the typical sports that most kids gravitate to- things that moms just stand on the sideline and cheer, like soccer, or basketball. Her sports involve animals- horseback riding, dog agility, loose parakeet chasing. And now snowboarding, which she doesn't want to do alone. Since I know the day will come when I will beg her to spend time with me, it is just wise to spend time with her when she requests it now. Besides, we would much rather encourage healthy outdoor activity  rather than undue focus on makeup application or illicit drug experimentation. Therefore, I am willing to foster this new interest of hers and to foster it, I must brave the consequences to myself. What are a few broken bones in exchange for a healthy, clean cut teenager?

But that video stream of the mountain did not engender cheery thoughts......

I face this self defeating fear whenever I meet some new situation. How I would love to march courageously and joyfully into every new adventure without a moment's hesitation! I try not to let the fear defeat me and paralyze me, but I would be a liar to say it is not a constant battle. I have had some very useless advice regarding this fear, the most annoying being, "Just don't feel it."  This is stated in varying "helpful" ways such as, "Don't be silly", "Stop being negative", or my favorite, "That's just stupid."
And it often is stupid, but telling someone who fears just not to fear never works.  The one thing that does work is to change the focus, but it requires continual prayer and vigilance on my part. Reading scripture and visualizing God beside me, His arm supporting me as I venture into the scary world of the unknown really does manage to calm me to the degree that I can move however tremulously forward.  And I have learned that when my foot hits the mountain, the fear subsides as the unknown becomes known and most of the time, I have adventures and delight that mark the fondest moments of my life.

Ultimately, fear results from loss of understanding, or loss of control, or loss of trust...and sometimes all three. I know this New Year will not likely free me from all fear, but I do pray I am freed from some. And perhaps these little forays into places that I do not easily venture is building courage step by step. In a sense, I am not skiing down a mountain, I am climbing a mountain of a different sort. I pray for all my readers that whatever mountains you are braving in your life, don't give up til you reach the summit. I suspect God is sitting at the top, waiting for you.

Exodus 3:11-13

 ¹¹ But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”
 ¹² And God said, “I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.”

Psalm 46

 ¹ God is our refuge and strength,
   an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
   and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
   and the mountains quake with their surging.