Thursday, October 20, 2011


Perhaps it was the rain, or maybe it was the 3 hours of work that still loomed for my daughter, or maybe it was the muddy dog, or maybe the penciling in one more thing on the already overfull calendar...I am not sure what the catalyst was...oh, perhaps it was the list of catalysts  and enzymes Asherel is required to memorize for AP Biology which seemed like such a good idea when I was planning our highschool schedule in the summer and now as I read the details, less so....
BUT at any rate, something caused me to have a minor melt down. I have had worse. This one was contained and no permanent damage was done to those outside the 20 feet perimeter of the unexpected collapse of what had once been a functioning human being.

The art class had left, and as I scurried to clean up, I had one hour to get Asherel out the door and fed and ready for her church Youth Group. I had to vacuum immediately or the charcoal bits and dust from the class would spread like gangrene through the house. I grabbed the vacuum and then raced quickly to the refrigerator to be sure we had easy dinner food I could microwave. We did have chicken, and raw broccoli...that would do for two of the food groups. Carbs? What could I use for quick and easy carbs? Ah, leftover pizza. It would have to do.
Then I plugged in the vacuum and glanced at my watch. I had a half hour.
"I cannot do this," I said. And just like that, I melted into a panicked, overwhelmed, overburdened, pessimistic mess. Arvo, noting the vacant look and tendrils of radioactive dismay steaming from my nostrils asked if I needed help.
"I cannot do this," I repeated.
He took the vacuum and I robotically prepared the gourmet meal of leftover chicken, raw broccoli, and pizza. No one complained as we ate in near silence. I would've chatted but there was a tape playing in my head singing over and over again, "I cannot do this."

This, my friends, is a defeatist attitude. I have a wonderful family, and they try very hard. Asherel really could not be working any harder. She is a gem. Something has got to change in our schedule, but we are at a loss as to what it should be.

And then I started thinking about illegal aliens. Sometimes a mind that is melting does strange things. I am a nationalist, and I believe in sovereignty of nations, and I believe in borders, and in national pride etc...but for some reason, I started wondering if my premise was flawed. Why does one people have the sovereign right to close the borders to another? We are studying the Revolutionary War period, and both Asherel and I are filled with conflicting emotions. Yay, America! Oh, poor Britain. And especially oh poor Indians. The history of why we are a nation is really filled with courage, and ideals, but also with selfishness. Our claim to the land is based on who grabbed it more effectively from someone else. I know there are valid arguments for national rights, especially for a nation like Israel who has had a history of getting the snuff beat out of them no matter where they go. They need a nation to call their own, and they must defend it with every bit of energy they have. But I don't know. If I was a wretchedly poor native of a corrupt country, why should I, by accident of birth, not be allowed to go wherever I could make a better life? 
I think I am having a crisis of thought. This happens sometimes when I eat pizza, chicken, and raw broccoli for dinner. I did a word study of Nations in the Bible. There is no doubt God established and worked through nations. And He clearly chose Israel to be His chosen ones, a nation of people that He preserved, and untimately used to bring forth His Messiah, and plan of redemption of humankind. There are almost 400 references to nations, and how they will battle each other. Why so much unrest in my heart over nations? But then, in Psalm 10, God proclaims that in the eternal perspective, the Nations perish. The downtrodden will be heard.

I read over the AP Biology manual.
"Facts should not be taught over concepts," it said, "Lest the student be overwhelmed."
"Do you understand the concept of glycolosis?" I asked Asherel.
"I think so."
"Then we do an open book test tomorrow. If you get the concept, that is enough.You can just look up the enzymes."
I don't know about you, but sometimes a little perspective for me can provide a cooling flood of relief, and stay a nuclear meltdown.

Psalm 10:
16 The LORD is King for ever and ever;
   the nations will perish from his land.
17 You, LORD, hear the desire of the afflicted;
   you encourage them, and you listen to their cry

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