When We Are Weary....

oh yay. I just got the most wonderful email. My middle son is coming home for Christmas! He is a new lawyer and he wasn't sure he would have any time off but he does!!! So he and his dear wife will be home for Christmas. I was feeling so blue, thinking none of the adult kids would be home. Thanksgiving was the first time that had happened, and I didn't know how I would bear the emptiness over Christmas as well. Knowing that the proper way of the world is that mamas raise their children to move out, cleave to a spouse, and make their own way in the world doesn't mean I have to like it. I am struggling to reconcile myself to the reality that my children might not always be coming home for holidays, as they develop families, lives, and communities of their own. It is good and it is as it should be...I guess. But I wonder if any mother ever pictures her adult children without flashbacks of their tiny fingers curled around her thumb when their little hands first clasped hers....and wish she could have those moments back, if only for a little while.

But for this year, I will still have the blessing of my children near. Funny how one little sentence on one little email can fill my heart with such joy. I guess I am very old fashioned, a dinosaur...but I believe one of the saddest facts of modern life is that families don't remain in the same town anymore. Aunts, and uncles, parents, and grandparents are no longer the support system for the young couple starting out in life. Strangers now fulfill that role. No wonder the government assumes the role of nanny. Something will always fill a vacuum. I don't believe it is the way it should be, but it is the way it often is.

God reminded me this week in so many ways that true contentment will never come till we honestly believe that He is sufficient, completely sufficient. It is almost impossible, at least for me, to let go of self to enter fully into His purpose and ultimately His rest. I cling desperately to the world and all that it offers, all the while knowing how spiritually shallow that is. And I try, and try, and try...only to falter again and again and again. But God, being God, knows that. And He is gentle, giving respite when we are not certain we can manage another second on our own strength.

If you are like me, when His purpose for your life is increasingly revealed, you feel a sinking realization that you are wretched selfish scum. You see how wide the chasm is between what you should be, and what you are. You are ready to lock yourself in the back corner of your closet and sing sad songs. And then, God knowing that perhaps the magnitude of the task before you threatens to turn you into a basket case, He sends an email that tells you your middle son will be home for Christmas.

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The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit. (Psalms 34:17, 18 NKJV)



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