God Meant it for Good

The very day I got my Surface Pro2 back from the shop (who cleanied it of all viruses and assured me now no worries, now it would be all fixed and no more crashes,)  it was crashing, not playing videos, not opening several apps, and sluggish. I called Microsoft on-line help, who were unfailingly polite, but even after taking over my computer remotely, couldn't help me. Then they hung up on me. I don't know if it was on purpose, but they didn't call back. And after 2 hours on the phone, much of it on hold, I was not happy. Grrrrrr.

So, I brought it (back) in to the Microsoft store yesterday.  They listened to the list of issues and said the easiest thing to do would be to switch it out for a new one (again) which is what they had done two weeks ago. 

I explained I am an author, and this would be the second switch to a new one, and for months I had been coming in with issues. Each time they take it from me, I can't work on my books. Furthermore, hours and hours have been spent on the phone trying to solve the ongoing concerns.

The manager was great. She said immediately that she would give me full purchase price of my Pro2 to upgrade to the Pro3. (That's the newest Surface computer model and I so wanted it!) I'd been playing with the Pro3 while waiting for the technician to help me the last time I'd been in. In fact, I had drawn a picture with the new improved pen on the new improved screen, and the store manager had taken my photograph. I lusted after the Pro3, but knew I should not even begin to think of getting it. Too expensive, and my Pro2 was only a year old. I would never have even thought to pray for it. I would not bother God with such a selfish prayer.

And yet...look what God did with the trouble and dismay and lost time over my cantankerous Pro 2! He gave me an (un-needed) desire of my heart, one I hadn't even dared ask for. Of course, if I am going to write, I must have a working, reliable computer, and certainly God knows that. And He knows I want to write messages that draw others to Him. But I could have limped along with what I had. 

To think I'd been groaning and moaning about all the troubles the Pro2 was giving me! Now I praise God for those troubles! I suspect it was no accident that my Bible Study was about Joseph, and how his brothers threw him in the well, leaving him to die. They meant it for harm, but God used it to bring about immense good. In the interim of course, Joseph was thrown into slavery, and then prison, before being finally restored as the Pharoah's right hand man. However, while enslaved and imprisoned, I will bet he wasn't feeling so beloved of God. But He was! Even in the midst of all that trouble, God was working and preparing Him, and ultimately rescued Him for a great purpose.

Take heart! Take heart! What feels like constant struggle and evil may be like Joseph's well. Others may have meant it for harm, but God can use it for good. 

********************

Genesis 50: 15-21

15And when Joseph's brethren saw that their father was dead, they said, Joseph will peradventure hate us, and will certainly requite us all the evil which we did unto him. 16And they sent a messenger unto Joseph, saying, Thy father did command before he died, saying, 17So shall ye say unto Joseph, Forgive, I pray thee now, the trespass of thy brethren, and their sin; for they did unto thee evil: and now, we pray thee, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of thy father. And Joseph wept when they spake unto him. 18And his brethren also went and fell down before his face; and they said, Behold, we be thy servants. 19And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God? 20But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. 21Now therefore fear ye not: I will nourish you, and your little ones. And he comforted them, and spake kindly unto them.

Nothing is impossible with God

save a dog- hollowcreekfarm.org

http://www.amazon.com/Vicky-Kaseorg/e/B006XJ2DWU

Sniffing Deeply of Life

    There is a small problem with the Christmas favorite- Bourbon Balls. These little innocuous sugar coated cookies can give you a hangover if you make them the way my mother did...and I always make them the way my mother did.
     I love the recipe she wrote for me when I left home and asked for all those special meals and treats she had made before she decided to boycott cooking forever.
     Bourbon balls:  2 c nuts, 1 lb. vanilla wafers, 3 T karo, and 3 oz. bourbon....or so....
     She always made them the or so way... and so do I. So yesterday, the house reeked of bourbon. At 10 a.m, my husband walked into the kitchen to see me poised at the counter with a bottle of bourbon in my hands. Not even a cup. It was like walking into the Bowery.
He raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment.
     I made a double batch and mailed some to my mom. It was her favorite Christmas cookie, and drink...all in one small package.  I freeze mine so that I don't eat them all before the kids come home. That rarely works. I almost always have to make another batch. I just chip my teeth eating frozen bourbon balls.
     After completing my baking for the day, I took the dogs on a walk. At one point, Honeybun must have found a particularly tantalizing scent because I started to walk forward, and my shoulder dislocated as she planted her feet and wouldn't budge. Her nose was sniffing a mile a minute, and she had crouched low to the ground so that I could not remove her from that scent no matter how hard I tried. I stood there 5 minutes, indulging her. After all, it is almost Christmas and I was filled with a charitable spirit. Finally, I wrenched her away. I wondered if smells for a dog were like a good book to me. Had I just forced her to slam shut the equivalent of a book she couldn't put down?  We continued (she reluctantly) on, and I thought about all the little joys in life. Christmas memories, bourbon balls, wonderful smells. I remembered a Facebook post from a friend yesterday. All it said was "I am a blessed woman." No explanation. Just a recognition of blessedness.
     This is the proper attitude towards life, I thought. Smelling deeply of our profound blessings.

Psalm 34:
⁸ Taste and see that the LORD is good;
   blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

When Disappointments fall like snow

Snowboards- check.
Helmets- check.
Waterproof pants- check
Fancy snowboard jacket- check
Boots- check
Waterproof warm mittens- check
Snow...
We forgot the snow!!!!!

The latest ski report doesn't bode well for our ski trip tomorrow. There are some resorts that have snow, but not the one we are going to. We have to go where the homeschool group goes and that mountain is currently in snow deficit. So we sit amidst our pile of snowboard/ski equipment with woebegone faces.

Disappointment can rip joy out of life. There is unfortunately, almost always a constant stream of disappointing events in life. It is very easy to wade into them and lose sight of all the blessings lined up on the shore. I wonder why we rarely have to remind ourselves to start counting the disappointments. I remember a song from my childhood that I loved. It went something like this:
When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep.
And soon I fall asleep
Counting my blessings.

God recommends the same strategy.

Deuteronomy 12:7
There, in the presence of the LORD your God, you and your families shall eat and shall rejoice in everything you have put your hand to, because the LORD your God has blessed you.

Lyrics to Count Your Blessings (Instead Of Sheep)
by Irving Berlin  :

When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds
If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings

Genesis 49: 25-26
because of the Almighty, who blesses you
with blessings of the skies above,
   blessings of the deep springs below,
   blessings of the breast and womb.
²⁶ Your father’s blessings are greater
   than the blessings of the ancient mountains,
   than the bounty of the age-old hills.

Psalm 4: 7-8
⁷ Fill my heart with joy
   when their grain and new wine abound.
 ⁸ In peace I will lie down and sleep,
   for you alone, LORD,
   make me dwell in safety.

Leaves Abound

We have a pile 50 feet high and still the oak trees are only half bared. Since it is almost Thanksgiving, I will think of the leaves in a new light. We are blessed with leaves, abundantly and overflowing with the blessing of leaves. Our yard runneth over.

My bible verse this morning was about loving each other. This is not always easy, in fact I find it to be often quite hard. I want to love others, and I especially want them to love me. But others can be such irritating schmucks.

However, the prayer at the bottom of my study struck me. It said to view others as Christ sees them. And then added another little zinger about how we are forgiven and loved while we were yet sinners.  My love should overflow like the leaves in my yard. And my heart should be filled with forgiveness. And my eyes should be focused on the person that Christ knows he or she can be, not necessarily who he or she is at the moment. This is impossible, like raking all those leaves. And yet, it is what we are urged to do. Loving well, like raking, is a never ending task.

Isaiah 43:4 NIV

Since you are precious and honored in my sight,

and because I love you,

1 John 4:19 NIV

We love because he first loved us.

Romans 5:8 NIV

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

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Two Mountains

I woke up early, but not so early that the sky should still look like the bottom of an ink well. Why is it still black outside? When do we 'fall back' an hour so that we wake up after the moon has gone to bed? In the inky darkness, I prayed for my friend with the broken pelvis and the one recovering from pancreatic cancer, and the new friend about to go under the knife for thyroid cancer. When I finished praying, the dog was still snoring, and the sky was still black, but I couldn't sleep. So I got up and read through the chapter I had left off in my last Bible reading. I can't remember ever noticing this before, although surely I have heard a sermon about it at one time or another and just don't recall. In Deuteronomy 27, as the Israelites have finally reached the Promised Land, crossed the River Jordan, and are now ready to drink  the long awaited milk and honey, God tells them to separate into two groups. One group is to stand on Mount Gerizim, and the other group is to stand on the adjacent Mount Ebal. The groups are separated by parentage- the Gerizim group are the children of Rachel and Leah, the lawful wives of Jacob. The Ebal group are children of the slaves of Jacob's wives. There is also Reuben,who committed an inexcusable offense and is lumped with these children born not of lawful wives. At any rate, the Gerizim group are told to bless the people, and the Ebal group to pronounce curses.  The Levites first remind the people of the laws they must obey or be cursed, and then the pronouncement of real curses gets underway. In the next chapter, the people are reminded of 54 verses of curses for various disobedient acts, but only 14 verses of blessings. The message is pretty clear....we are inclined to mess up and need powerful disincentives not to do so. I find this curious in many ways.

First of all, this is not the general philosophy of our society. I think we tend to want to shower with blessing, affirmation, positive reinforcement, ignore bad and accentuate good. I am not against any of this, by the way, but am seeking to understand something I never thought much about from God's perspective (as best as a finite, mortal, limited being can understand infinite, immortal, unlimited spirit.) We tend to excuse and rationalize bad behavior and understand compassionately its source. We are not big on consequences or punishment. We tend to look on ourselves as well-intentioned, but not always able to be good because of all the terrible obstacles that are put in our paths.

On the other hand, God seems to have a rather different view, at least in this portion of the Bible. The reminders of how we need to behave are quite lengthy and the immediate consequences of disobedience are not pleasant: pestilence, famine, disease, barrenness, sword, destruction and exile. Like any good teacher, God does indeed start with the list of blessings for obedience, but there are only 14 verses worth. Then He terrifies with 54 verses of really horrific outcomes of disobedience. This is not a God inclined to excuse or ignore bad behavior. And it is fairly clear that He felt the need to remind them strongly of what the Law required of them. Despite the reminders, if you read the whole story, you see that obeying the Law perfectly is impossible. We humans do not seem to be inclined naturally to obedience, or righteousness. We seem to prefer to take care of Number One, that all important ME, and if that means it is necessary to push Grandma over on the way, well so be it. God doesn't seem to feel we will follow the right way without a whole bunch of road signs to steer us... And 54 verses of reminders of what happens when we take a wrong turn. And a further caveat is added- if we disobey even one little portion of the law, we are held accountable for all of it, according to James 2:10.  Ouch.

So the groups on the two mountains are shouting out blessings and curses, while the people mill about, absorbing the message. Since the groups are the full population of Israelites, that means none are in the valley. They are standing on one hill or another. I think the message is clear. They are either blessed, or cursed. There is no in between.

But there is a mediator. Fortunately, in the midst of all this cursing, there is the reminder that after the people, who will sin, have been persecuted, dispersed, enslaved, and at times nearly annihilated, God will bring them back to him. They will be restored, prosper, and return to God. He tells us in Deuteronomy 30:6, that He will circumcise their hearts ...so that they will love Him with all their heart and soul...and live. Again, this is a section I have never paid a lot of attention to, but it is rather startling. The people knew about physical circumcision as an outward sign of their allegiance to God, but what is this symbolic circumcision? (At least, they are hoping it is symbolic...)  Later, the circumcision of the heart is mentioned again, in the New Testament by Paul in the book of Romans. It will be "by the spirit", and the law will be written on our hearts. Our conscience, molded and tugged by the Holy Spirit, will be our guide. And Jesus takes the curses of our disobedience on Himself. We no longer need to stand on a mountain quivering as the curses cascade around us. Jesus will now be the infinite source of blessing. It is interesting that the people in Deuteronomy 10 are told to "circumcise their hearts", but apparently, they are to do this themselves. They are still bound by the law, by the impossible task of following God perfectly on their own power. In the New Testament however, God will circumcise their hearts. The struggle to do ends, and we can just be. We rest secure, redeemed forever.

I finished my study of those verses, and glanced outside. The day had appeared somehow. The night and the moon were gone. It is the beginning of a new day, a better day, I hope.

Ephesians 1:3

  ³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

Pleasant Places

Asherel should have known better than to put a hotdog down on the floor of a room swarming with dogs. The hotdog was supposed to last for the full ten minute warm up period before she was to do her first run of the day at the Dog Agility Trial.While no food is allowed in the agility ring itself, hands smelling like hotdogs are allowed. And if a dog's attention is fully secured before entering the ring via highly desiriable snacks, she was more likely to sustain attention during the critical moments.

Thus, the hotdog was in Asherel's hand as she was dutifully stretching Honeybun's legs the way our dear mentor, Polly, had showed her. Asherel always would line up about ten minutes before her run was to commence, plop Honeybun over on her side, and gently stretch each leg just like Polly had taught her. Polly had warned her that this simple technique would help prevent injuries and allow our dog to run the course for years to come. Asherel always stretched the little dog's muscles before her runs.

However, this time, Honeybun was somewhat resistant, so Asherel needed to put the hotdog down so she could use both hands to convince Honeybun to lie still. A proven axiom with Honeybun, the once starving dog, is that if food touches the floor within a quarter mile of her radar, she will be on it before you can say "corpulent canine."  When Asherel looked back, the hotdog was gone. She had no choice but to pull out another hotdog to finish the warm up session before her run. Somehow, with two hotdogs busting from under her belt, the little dog made a beautiful run and qualified, completing her Novice title. As she waddled  from the ring, tail wagging, I thought she looked happier than usual. Later, hearing the hotdog story, I knew why.

A short time later, I went back to where Asherel was sitting with Honeybun, to see her munching on a full large bag of gummy worms. Gummy worms are to Asherel what hotdogs are to Honeybun. Our friend, Danielle, upon watching Asherel qualify and secure her last Novice Agility title, had given her the bag of gummy worms. Two of my favorite creatures on earth gazed up at me, with happy, gut-filled eyes.

Later, as the agility judge signed Asherel's junior handler forms required by AKC when a junior handler's dog qualifies, she asked me how old Asherel was, and how we had come to start agility. I told her that Honeybun had been an aggressive dog, towards both dogs and people. Asherel had always wanted to do agility, and despite Honeybun's overwhelming issues, she began training Honeybun on her home-made agility course in our backyard. In that difficult first year after finding the half-dead, starving, vicious dog, we had been strongly urged to euthanize.
"But we just couldn't euthanize her in the end," I said, happily collecting not just the signed paper for the first class, but a second form as well. Honeybun, filled with energy and surprising focus, had qualified in her second class, too, and placed second. That class was the harder Open division,  and a much larger class.
"It really shows the value of persistance," said the judge.
Persistence...and hotdogs, I thought, glancing at my daughter, and gummy worms.
And friends. I hugged Danielle, wondering how on earth she knew gummy worms were more precious than diamonds to Asherel.

I had been thinking all week of the blessings in my life. Like most people, I had balanced that against my chronic complaining over what I didn't have, but as I looked over the room teeming with happy dogs, and people, and our now gentle and sweet little rescue dog, I felt deep satisfaction. Oh Lord, I thought, watching the full bag of gummy worms slowly disappearing, the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.

Psalm 16:5-7

 ⁵ LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup;
   you make my lot secure.
⁶ The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
   surely I have a delightful inheritance.
⁷ I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
   even at night my heart instructs me.

The Day of Small Things

The little boy had been standing near, silently watching me as I labored in the sand. The sand dog was slowly taking form, more slowly than our usual family sculptures since certain unnamed members of the family were relaxing at the beach, rather than helping.

It was ok. The sand sculptures are my beach activity. I love being at the ocean, but not of the ocean. There are too many biting, stinging, sliming, and frightening creatures in the ocean to make swimming a relaxing experience for me. It would not be a vacation then...it would be more like paramilitary training camp.

So I was making my sand sculpture, happily safe from the sharks, jellyfish, blowfish, sea urchins, and genetically altered poisonous sponges. The little boy had wandered over and not even said Hi. He just watched me with big brown eyes. It became clear if there was to be any interaction, I would have to initiate it.
"Hi, do you like to build sand things?"
He nodded.
"Can tell what this is?"
"A dog."
"Yep."
More silence. As I patted the sand carefully on the dog's head, he followed me and leaned in, watching me with a serious scowl. I moved to the front paw, and he moved with me. As I crouched near, he crouched near, behind me, peering under my arm as the sand dog took shape.
"Do you want to build a sand creature?"
"It looks hard," he said.
"It's not. I'll teach you. Come over here."
We walked a few feet from my dog."
"Ok, first what do you want to build? Choose something simple, like a clam shell."
He looked at me, his face blank.
"How about a crab? They're pretty easy."
He nodded.
"Ok, first you draw an outline on the sand."
I used my sand shovel and drew the outline of a crab. He watched with furowed brow, and nodded.
I wondered where the child's mother was, and why she was letting him talk with a stranger.
"Then you dig a trench outside the outline like this and pile the sand on the shape. Later you will patt that sand smooth and in shape like you saw me do with the dog. Do you have a sand shovel?"
He nodded, looking at the crab.
I went back to work on my dog and he stood still. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his mother appear with two shovels.
"Would you like me to help you build an animal?"she asked.
He nodded smiling and they hurried over to their own space of sand several yards away.

I'd been reading with Asherel about missionaries who had gone to Africa risking their lives and heads bringing the gospel to cannibals. I have never felt called to leave my own country. But I do pray every time I leave the house that God would open my eyes to the world of suffering, loneliness, and need around me and that perhaps, I could be a blessing to someone.

It seems that God has not gifted me with an ability to do large things, to do great things. But He has taught me never to despise the day of small things.

I carved the name of my book in the sand by my sculpture and wrote also, "available at amazon.com" in careful sand script. You just never know what might be used of God, I thought, glancing at the mother and boy busily building a creature in the sand together.

Zechariah 4:10 NIV

"Who dares despise the day of small things, since the seven eyes of the Lord that range throughout the earth will rejoice when they see the chosen capstone in the hand of Zerubbabel?"

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Spoiled by dog doors

We're spoiled by a dog door. Do you know it is a little known fact that dogs can pee up to 7,846 times per hour? And that's only if you withold water. So while we are visiting our folks who do not have a dog door, we are at the mercy of the dogs' bladders. Our activities are limited by tolerance of the least controlled dog to remain dry.

Fortunately, 90% of a dog's day is spent sleeping. Sometimes I wonder why dogs were designed this way- to spend almost every waking hour peeing and every other available hour sleeping. It just seems a little dull. And then, I have to ask myself, why do I love dogs so much then?

Maybe it is because dogs don't ever pretend to be something they are not. You always know what you are getting with a dog, and then you make your choices accordingly.

Last night, despite being tired, I had to walk the dogs a last time. I had forgotten how glorious summer evenings in upstate NY can be. The air was washed by the recent rain, the stars were out, and a cool breeze was just the right amount of gentle against the waning warmth of the day. As the dogs and I walked through the cool evening, I realized how blessed I was that my folks didn't have a dog door and a fenced in back yard.

Psalm 22:20 NIV

Deliver me from the sword,
my precious life from the power of the dogs.

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Hidden Pearls

It is always a bit disconcerting to chomp down on something hard when eating something soft. There could be several scenarios played out here, one of which is that my tooth cap was never securely glued in place. It was with some trepidation that I discreetly removed the offending chunk. I had been eating oysters in black bean sauce at a Chinese Buffet with my folks so I had a momentary flutter of hope as I opened my hand to look at the chunk. Piece of tooth, or pearl? Hundreds of dollars of dental repair, or a rare jewel of the sea?
Blessing or curse?

Have you ever noticed that the Old Testament ends with a curse, but the New Testament with a blessing? At the end of the Old Testament, God warns that he is sending a prophet, Elijah, to warn the people of their destructive ways, of their wandering from God, and of the dire consequences and curse of unbelief.

But the New Testament ends with a reminder that Jesus will be coming again, soon, and with Him will be grace, and blessing to all who believe.

A curse, or a blessing? I opened my hand.

It was a pearl!

Malachi 4:5-6 NIV

"See, I will send the prophet Elijah to you before that great and dreadful day of the Lord comes. He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction."

Revelation 22:20-21 NIV

He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon."
Amen. Come, Lord Jesus. The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God's people. Amen.

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Blessings abound

There's a reason why moving service men are young and brawny. In case we had any dreams of opening a moving van company, they were squashed after the second load of heavy furniture from Matt's old apartment to his new one. I was happy to help my son and new daughter in law, but I might be past my prime for lifting bookshelves to the roof of minivans. Fortunately, hubby Arvo was with me and he managed to keep us both from being just another statistic, felled by a large couch. I slept like the dead last night though, dreaming about shoving elephants into vw bugs.

Matt hasn't even seen his new home yet. He and Karissa are in Florida for his law internship, but the old apartment lease ended this week in Virginia, and they needed a new apartment for the upcoming year. I don't know how they managed, but they found online a whole 2 bedroom house to themselves in a charming little village near their school, affordable, and signed the rental agreement...all from the comfort of their place in Florida. Just one tiny problem remained - to get the large stuff from the old to the new.

This is why God made mothers. Mothers will do anything for their dear children. And so will fathers when mothers ask them to.

Moving monstrous furniture in as few trips as possible requires exceptional visual spatial skills. After a few disagreements about which direction to shove a few choice items, we managed in just two trips to load, unload, clean the old place, and even get Matt's security deposit back, which was a bonus he wasn't expecting.

And as I stood on their new front porch and looked out, I saw a huge ring of mountains, almost close enough to touch. It gleamed blue and purple through the nearby trees.

How happy they will be to wake up and look out at that every morning! How wonderful to start a new life in such beautiful surroundings. Blessedness abounds, I thought gazing at that mountain.

(NIV)Genesis 49:26
Your father's blessings are greater than the blessings of the ancient mountains, than the bounty of the age-old hills.

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Penny Lane

I am pretty sure there is no other 13 year old on earth who can tell you the year every Beatles song was produced, where and when it was first performed, and which guitar John Lennon was playing. Oh sure, some kids with brains like that are well on the way to curing cancer. And perhaps this little Beatlemaniac will one day outgrow this passion. There is for now no indication of waning interest. Curing cancer is momentarily set aside.

We had spent the drive from my parents' house to Richmond listening to her complete Beatles collection. We drove through gorgeous green valleys lined in mountains. I kept a running commentary on the spectacular scenery but she was lost in the sounds and probably images of her beloved Beatles.

Now, wearing one of her nine Beatles shirts, she followed Matt, Karissa, and me into the Penny Lane Pub in Richmond.

I had gone walking for two hours while Matt finished his second day of law internship. I had never been to Richmond and love exploring by foot new places. Asherel stuck with me for an hour but the heat felled her, so she returned to the hotel.

I wandered on alone through this astonishingly beautiful historic city filled with huge stone and brick mansions, lacy iron work gates, and chiseled roses and faces in porticos above hotel doors. There seemed to be a large homeless population and we greeted each other with smiles and waves. My job was to find a quirky place for us all to eat that night. (Not the homeless people. They were on their own. I was charged to find food just for Matt and his bride to be, Asherel, and myself.)

"You won't believe what I found, " I texted Asherel.

As we entered Penny Lane pub, a red phone booth stood to my right. I smiled knowingly at Asherel. Red phone booths figure prominently in Beatle lore.

"Will I like this place?" she had asked when I had texted her with our dinner plans.

A Beatles song greeted us.
"Ok, I like it here, " she smiled.
So the four of us ate food Ringo, John, Paul, and George might have supped on while the only music played were Beatle songs. Pictures from Liverpool covered the wall. Matt drank a British concoction of cider and stout beer while telling us about his job as a law intern. Karissa, the world's most perfect fiancee had filled his apartment with food,bought him a bed, and arranged his parking permit while he worked. That night she would return to her own place an hour away to pack up and move out, newly graduated.

Asherel munched her fish and chips.

What is God saying to me today, I wondered. Sometimes you just have to pause and sing:

Penny lane is in my ears and in my eyes There beneath the blue suburban skies I sit...

Psalm 90:14 NIV

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

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Mountains

Honeybun and I sat at the hotel room sliding glass door,watching the sun set behind the mountains before us. We had encountered no snow and no black ice and no wind to blow us off the mountain. Our trip had been uneventful. God seems to know when my spirit can bear no more.

Right before leaving, I had found out some very bad news about a dear friend. Hearing the horror of what she will need to endure made all my concerns so frivolous.

So I am sitting in front of the vista of mountains upon mountains and thinking of the agonizing journey before my friend. And praying. Sometimes that is the best you can do.

And be grateful of course. Be grateful for every beautiful sunset you are blessed to see, for every mountain you've been given the strength to climb, for every hard working husband who drags himself to work each day, for every distant son who surprises you and texts a brief hello, for every diligent college boy who calls with news of excellent grades, for every daughter who loves to train her dog to leap over jumps and skitter through tunnels on command, for every dog that lies at your feet snoring all night.

He who made the joyful easy things made the painful hard things too. How can we accept the one and not trust Him in the other? Meanwhile friends, it is very hard to do so, and I am praying.

Psalm 3:4 NIV

I call out to the Lord,
and he answers me from his holy mountain.

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I Should Have Been Jumping for Joy.....

The bursitis in my elbow and tendonitis seems to be resolving. It still hurts to lift, but there is no constant pain anymore and I can wipe down the countertop without writhing in distress like a slug with salt poured on it.

Just in time for a new injury!

We were walking the dogs yesterday, which is ironically, the likely cause of the initial elbow injury, when Lucky decided he wanted to play tug of war with the leash. As he dashed away, he crashed into my little toe and turned it in a direction it should not and was never intended, and indeed DID not want to go. The result was like a watercolor painting of blues and purples, a masterpiece bruising as the broken little toe swelled. Fortunately it is on the foot that is not missing a toe nail, so now I have symmetrical grossness in my feet, just in time for sandal season.

When I told Asherel I thought I just broke my toe, she sneered. I am a hypochondriac, but that is partially because I really do constantly injure myself or get felled with illness. However, I do not suffer in silence, and that leads to marked disregard of true injury by my loved ones, who are sick of my whining. But this time, I really did do a very bad thing to my toe.

WebMd seems to indicate that most of the time, docs will do nothing for a broken toe, though it hurts like the dickens. (by the way, have you ever wondered what dickens are and why they cause so much pain? I looked it up and dickens means devil.... and I guarantee you that as much as this toe hurts.... it doesn't hurt that bad.)

Anyway, as I limped home, I realized that most of the time, I give my little toe absolutely zero attention. I do trim the nail from time to time. On occasion I look at it and realize that little toes are like little round blobs and honestly not very attractive. I walk all over it, and would likely not be able to walk or run as well without it, yet I never thank it or praise God for my little toe. But let it mutiny and decide to get broken and bruised and swollen and I certainly curse it. Suddenly this overlooked, inconsequential, inconspicuous teeny appendage is the most important thing in the world and is responsible for great angst, pain, and worry.

It is with some degree of shame that I realize that every morning when I arise, I should have been leaping for joy and praising my Creator for the blessing of an unbroken, whole, and working little toe. Why is it that I never seem to understand my blessings until I have lost them?

Ephesians 1: 3-4
³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. ⁴For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.