Finding Focus

When I close my eyes, the memories of the beautiful beach are fading. Instead, I am dizzy. It has been slowly building the past few days. It feels as though my head is walking a few steps ahead of my eyes. I stagger a little when I walk. This has happened before, and I think is related to exertion, heat, and too much to do. My sister thinks it might be a strange occular migraine, and I think it might be Meniere's, an inner ear problem. It usually passes within a day or so, and is not totally debilitating, so I try as best as I can to soldier on. I just have to focus very hard on putting my feet in the correct spot to maintain the typical hominid walking pattern.

I thought maybe some fresh air would help, and had an 11:00 meeting with a friend nearby. I rode my bike (slowly, and with a helmet on) to Panera and was only a little dizzy. I sat at the front table for 20 minutes waiting, and then decided I must have gotten the wrong date. I did a quick glance around the restaurant, trying to stay oriented in a straight line, but didn't see her. As I biked home, my husband called. My friend had been in Panera waiting for me since 10:30. I was almost home. I felt bad, but I had not really even had that hour to easily spare.

I had to get back to schooling Asherel, and the dizziness was slowly growing. I spent the rest of the day lying down, and reading to Asherel as needed. And felt really bad for not connecting with my friend. The schedule when our school year starts is a whirlwind, and to top that off, we have a dog trial this weekend. Maybe I am just dizzy because I am running in circles too much trying to tackle it all....  What is a little daunting is that most of our extracurricular activities haven't even started yet. Life for a homeschooler is a masterclass in organizational skills. I get twenty emails a day of wonderful opportunities for my homeschooled daughter. I just delete most of them without even reading them. At some point, one just has to learn to say, no.

And I miss the beach. I would much rather close my eyes and see palm trees against a bluegreen sea, and have the wind swirling around me, rather than my eyes spinning inside my dizzy skull. I even loved the day we were at the Beach when the hurricane came visiting. I enjoyed the day of lying on the couch, watching tropical rain, and reading Lord of the Rings. Sometimes stillness is critical. For me, it almost always has to be enforced. I suspect that is why God has sent me this dizzy spell. I think He may be reminding me that I can too easily spin out of control, unless I keep my eyes focused on the one simple goal that He has put before me. Just keep my eyes on Him, and the body will go where it should.

Ecclesiastes 1:12-14

 ¹² I, the Teacher, was king over Israel in Jerusalem. ¹³ I applied my mind to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under the heavens. What a heavy burden God has laid on mankind!

Matthew 11:29-30

²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Wise Scheduling

As soon as Amy's pancreatitis ordeal is over and done with, she is going to need to come help me clean out my house, I thought as I returned from the airport. I had spent the past four days helping my recuperating sister whip her house into shape in between doctor appointments and hospital stays. It was a sore disappointment to walk through the door of my own house, greeted by dust balls the size of small dinosaurs. All the papers and to-do sticky notes I had left four days ago were still there... including the one on top of the due library books I had asked to be returned to the library, requested of certain family members not to be named except under excruciating torture such as someone asking me politely.

Oh well, I sighed, at least I have my pancreas. This is a blessing for which we should all thank God on a regular basis.

I leave for my son's wedding in a week, and with the depth of all my experience and wisdom, I planned a social calendar that rivals the new Princess' of England list of engagements. Just the thing for one of the most happy and important and busy days of my life coming up! On this week that I need to be preparing to head to Virginia to be mother of the groom, I have planned a 3 hour Beatles Tribute Band night downtown on Saturday, a down-river 3 hour kayak trip for Monday, volunteer work for 5 hours on Tuesday,  a dog club awards dinner for Wednesday about an hour from us, and a hair appointment and hopeful visit to our Nursing Home friends on Thursday. So far on Friday, nothing is scheduled, but you can bet that in my Energizer Bunny mentality, it will be filled with something before noon today.

Why? Why do I do this to myself? So for everyone who is planning to ask me to do something else this week, I would just like to say NO. Except my son and his soon to be bride. Friday is all yours, my loved ones.

I wonder if God ever feels overwhelmed. If we are made in His image, then one could conclude upon viewing me at this moment that God is submerged in paperwork....along with dust and dog fur. But try as I might, I can't find a single Biblical reference to God slamming the door on His people and saying, "I am lying down now for a nap, hold all prayers til further notice." Not once. Every time one of us whiners lifts our hands to beseech that He help us out of yet another catastrophe, He is reputed to be always listening.

Sigh. Ok, who needs me Friday?

Psalm 121:2
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber