Full Circle

"I am tempted to wear the fish dress," I told my sisters, "Though do you think I will need something other than running shoes for a semi-formal event?" My memory stretched back to a year ago, when a shockingly similar scenario was snapping at my shoes. (Alliteration is a dangerous weapon in the hands of an amateur.)

Today is the one year anniversary of my quest to post a message from God every morning. I did it. I didn't miss a single day, though some posts were delayed til I could find internet zones. Through sleet, or snow, or hail, or rain, I delivered the packages of hope, encouragement, and laughter that God handed me all neatly tied up with a heavenly strand of love. I had started the blog because an editor wanted me to show I could develop a following, a readership, that would bode well for him taking a chance on a nobody's book. (That agent is still considering my book now that it has gone through a year of revisions. Publishing is not for the lazy.) But pretty soon, I was writing for a different reason. Emails started trickling in from readers who found that my struggles and bits of comfort that God threw my way were helping them in similar struggles. Who knew there was anyone out there as messed up as me?

A year ago, as I started to chronicle my life, I had a toenail ripped off my big toe, and had to find shoes for my husband's semi-formal Christmas party. I never found any that didn't cause excruciating pain, and settled on boots in the end. Most of that evening, I had my boots off and my foot elevated.

This year, I have a broken little toe that xrays show as healed, but the pain and swelling remain. As I was pulling out some very fancy dresses my sister Amy sent me years ago which I have never had anything formal enough to wear to, I realized I might have to wear footwear other than sneakers.

The "fish" dress is sequined from head to toe, and subtlety was not what the famous designer was going for. The dress had to have been a near $1000 dress when it was fresh off the rack. My sister Amy is the uber-shopper, finding incredible deals along off-beaten paths, and we are often the recipients of her finds. I am small, so not a middle size that gets snatched up, and so the gorgeous fish dress has hung in my closet for three or four years now, awaiting an event where loud screaming attire is called for.  She also sent a full length green velvet gown, that is exquisite and feels like warm butter poured gently over every pore of my dried rhinoceros skin. I love it, but again..... where does one wear such a dress? Not to clean the toilets, I am pretty sure.

Did I dare to wear either one to the xmas dinner/party?  I put each dress on, and pulled out a lovely fairly low heeled metallic silver sandal I had bought only 10 months early for my son's wedding. They hurt just a little, which in the fancy shoe world is saying a lot. Then I had Asherel take my picture in each and sent it to my sisters and fashion advisers, Holly and Amy.

"Which should I wear to the xmas party?" I queried, "And answer fast- the party is Saturday night."
Amy voted instantly for the fish dress, "When else are you ever going to wear it?"
Now by this logic, if she sends me a full scuba diving outfit, I will have to wear it to the party next year cause I assure you I am not ever going to go scuba diving where sharks and blue ringed octopus prowl.
"How loud are the scales...er sequins?" asked Holly.
"Loud," I answered.
"Well you CANNOT wear those sandals with the fish dress. Too much! You need understated black strappy things with high heels."
"I can't go buy more shoes," I said, "And I can't wear my high heeled black shoes. My broken toe is in agony in those shoes."
"Well," she countered,"My vote is for the green velvet, but it is formal. If this is a semi-formal event, you will be overdressed."
"Well won't my sneakers bring the total formal quotient down to semi-formal?" I asked.
"You need to find a friend to cut off the hem to tea length. Hurry, you still have hours!"

I considered all the advice I was receiving. On one hand, I was with Amy- the fish dress was gorgeous. If I were a fish, for sure I would be comfortable wearing it. Or perhaps if I ever win Novelist of the Year award, but first I probably have to publish a novel.  So, when will I ever wear it?

But the velvet dress was gorgeous too, and I am a seamstress at least as accomplished as I am a helicopter builder. I could cut it and hem it to tea length. It was almost dinner time, so I grabbed scissors and eyeballed where I needed to hem it. How hard could this be? I hacked off six inches, hemmed it, and was astonished to find that the hem was even and straight, and now the dress fit the semi-formal category. The silver shoes were perfect with it. I hung the fish dress back at the far edge of my closet.
"Look," I consoled the dress, "Your day will come. When my book gets published and I win all the awards, you are my go-to dress."


A year ago, I think my message over my fashion/shoe woes was along the lines of God accepts all of us no matter what we wear. But I think He is pointing me in a new direction.  The dress choice really was unimportant.... I was just baiting my sisters so I could exchange emails, and laugh, and remember that when we take life too seriously, it loses its sparkle.....its sequins fall off. Most of what I have found to write about over the past year are not the unusual or amazing things that happen in life.... because rarely do either of those occur to me. What I love to write about are the funny things, the moments of laughter that are always lurking even on the edges of despair. I am blessed to have sisters and parents and family and friends that laugh with me.  God's greatest gift to us is Salvation, but I think His second greatest is laughter.

Job 29:23-25 (New International Version, ©2010)

²³ They waited for me as for showers
   and drank in my words as the spring rain.
²⁴ When I smiled at them, they scarcely believed it;
   the light of my face was precious to them.