Bringing What is Inside....Outside

A friend had dropped by to show me her daughter's beautiful art work. Rachel seemed uninterested in my praise, glancing at the yard instead of at me, and then quietly said, "Is he ok?"
I followed her gaze. Lucky was doing the classical "dog about to vomit" walk, and then spewed over the front yard.
"Well at least he is outdoors," I sighed. He hadn't eaten breakfast either, and had followed us around all day. I suspected the feathers floating in his water bowl had something to do with all this. He looked over at us and wagged his tail cheerfully. I love how quickly dogs "get over it." And there is no concealment with dogs. What you see is who they are. No dog ever felt the need to dye his fur, or paint his eyelashes.

Meanwhile, I looked in the mirror and wondered how long til I got over the freeze dried wounds the dermatologist had blasted onto my face. I looked like I had chicken pox. The doctor had said that it was fine to wear make up over it. However, I have a confession to make. I have never worn makeup. I wouldn't even know where to start. I have done eyeshadow as a teen, and mascara on rare occasion, but that is the extent of my foray into beautification. I don't dye my hair either, and now grey is considered the new chic that Hollywood is discovering. Discovering? I have worn grey for 20 years.  This is in no way to suggest I am not vain. I look at my face, covered with sores in the name of cancer prevention, and I wince. I keep my hair brushed over as much as my face as I can.

I just have never found the allure of makeup or dye or tatoos as beauty enhancers...I just don't get it. I figure in general God gave us the hair and face we were supposed to have and it really is a marvel and unique and wonderful as is. I know most of the world differs with me on this. And I am often not gracious in expressing my opinions. This is something I do wish I could "cover" a little more effectively. I need "character makeup". I need something that seals all those pores of critcal-ness, irritation, anger, despair, selfishness, bitterness, ingratitude.....I need something that makes all those ugly parts look beautiful and glowing and youthful and innocent. So far, I haven't found any instant fixes for these, nothing that I can pour out of a bottle, smear over my face, and be the new me on the inside that I long to be.

I read a funny facebook story yesterday. A friend was standing in line at Burger King, and the customer in front of her turned and asked, "Are you washed in the blood of Jesus?" My friend said she left quickly. She was no longer hungry.

Now I understand the response totally- blood and dinner just don't sit pretty together on the same plate of imagery right before eating. And I understand the motivation of the customer as well- it was his idea of evangelism and he presumably spoke out of a desire that all should know what he believes to be true.If you truly believe that someone is about to step off a cliff and plunge to their death, it is love and kindness to reach out to stop them. Still, it is usually about as well-received as me telling the world, why are you spending a fortune masking the beautiful you that God made with chemicals and dyes that are frequently produced by parts of other living creatures? It is a matter of timing, and grace.... two qualities that I am often in short supply of.

So there was something about my retching dog, my festering face, and the Burger King evangelist that all vied for my connecting the dots tendency. And I felt in each case, there was something that needed desperately to come out. Nothing would stop it, and by the evacuation of that thing, health and happiness would be restored. Lucky got the dead bird germs out of his gut, and ate dinner contentedly. My precancerous cells were bubbling off my dermis and into the atmosphere. The Burger King evangelist had shared, however ineffectively his obvious burning inner desire to tell the world about the only food he knew that would satisfy eternally.

So much of the focus of the world is on externals, but the real problem is deep inside us. And if we don't get those issues out of us, exposed and if necessary, eradicated.... they will become poison.  It is easy to think of deadly toxins building when we eat food like dead birds, feathers and all. It isn't difficult to understand that cancer causing cells must be cut out, despite the painful cure, because we know they will grow and destroy us if left inside.  But it is less obvious why the Burger King evangelist felt the need to ruin my friend's dinner with his question. However, he is in good company. The prophet Jeremiah said that if he didn't share his knowledge of God, it was like fire burning away his bones, and Job moaned that by speaking, his pain didn't leave, but if he didn't speak, it was even worse. It isn't makeup we need. It is compassion, and tact, and timing.... and a better understanding of how to bring what is inside outside without making those around us want to run.

Jeremiah 20:9

⁹ But if I say, “I will not mention his word
   or speak anymore in his name,”
his word is in my heart like a fire,
   a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
   indeed, I cannot.

Job 16: 6, 19-21
⁶ “Yet if I speak, my pain is not relieved;
   and if I refrain, it does not go away. ¹⁸ “Earth, do not cover my blood;
   may my cry never be laid to rest!
¹⁹ Even now my witness is in heaven;
   my advocate is on high.
²⁰ My intercessor is my friend
   as my eyes pour out tears to God;
²¹ on behalf of a man he pleads with God
   as one pleads for a friend.