Goose Busters

As I pulled into the Alzheimers parking lot, I was behind a large van labeled, "Goose Busters". There was a big black circle with a slash painted through it over the photo of a Canada Goose. While I laughed, and found it a clever slogan, it bothered me too. Geese are considered a menace. I can understand this concern around airports where a single goose sucked into a giant jet engine can cripple an airplane. But the main reason people don't want geese in their parks or streets? Goose poop. Geese are messy and inconvenient, so who ya gonna call? Goose Busters!

I wonder how they bust the goose?

A half century ago, geese were almost extinct due to overhunting. Now, there are too many geese, and each goose produces as much as a pound a day of goose poop. While my dog Lucky considers goose poop a delicacy, most of us cringe at the sight of those greenish blobs scattered on our park walkways. So, surprisingly, there are many internet sites about "goose busting".

Some goose busters use trained border collies. The collies don't kill the geese. They herd them. That is what border collies love to do. But geese, it turns out, do not love to be herded. After a little border collie treatment, the geese fly off to someone else's yard or park to lay down their pound of poop. Or for just $900, you can invest in your own device, also called a Goosebuster. This utilizes sonic warfare. An audio device blasts rap music 24 hours a day which drives geese and old people away. This is a particularly popular item with the under 25 crowd. Actually, it uses "sound waves and audio signals" to disorient and confuse the geese. They don't specify the nature of these sound waves, thus I hypothesized rap music, but it is possible they are broadcasting "Ode to Joy". At any rate, the geese become so disoriented and bewildered that some have been known to immediately vacate the property in droves....flying in a wobbly line straight to the nearest Alzheimer unit.  None of them know why they are there, but even confused geese still poop a pound a day. That is why, I suspect, the Goose Buster truck was pulling into the parking lot as I was that day. I cannot help but wonder why the Goose Busters believe "disoriented and confused" geese to be less of a menace than geese with their full mental faculties intact.

I thought of all the things in the world I would love to see busted, and geese are not on the list. For starters, I would like to bust Alzheimers. Then, after clearing up that scourge I would move on to war, disease, natural disaster, and the coup de grace, plastic flowers planted outdoors around mailboxes.

But the dirty little secret, the part of goose busting that is implied but never explicitly mentioned....all these humane goose busters do indeed have impressive success rates driving the geese away. But the geese are not gone; just relocated and someone else's problem! This is the basis of nearly all the world's woes, in my opinion. As long as it doesn't hurt me, it is not a problem. If I am not the one sidestepping the goose poop, case closed!

I took a deep breath, stepped around the goose poop, and steeled myself for the walk through the Alzheimers unit to visit my old friend.

Exodus 4: 12-13
¹² Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”
 ¹³ But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”