Saturday, September 10, 2016

The Upholder of My Life

That's me getting ready for my final week of radiation. One more day (Monday) to the already pretty well-cooked area, and then five days to a smaller target area where the actual tumor was, and then I kiss this big, bad machine goodbye. The worst is over. I am not going to blister or shed skin, and the very common side-effect of fatigue has barely grazed me. I am blessed beyond belief.

Furthermore, I have come to almost enjoy the peaceful moments as I am radiated. I lay back in that fairly comfy position, and close my eyes. Since I can be in there for anywhere from five to sometimes twenty minutes depending on whether they need extra photos or who-knows-what (not me, and I don't really even want to know...), I sometimes enter a dreamy state.

Yesterday, I closed my eyes and as the machine hummed and whined, I suddenly had a revelation. I thought of a GREAT plot direction for my new book. I had been stuck on a slow section, not quite sure how to bring it to life. While radiating, it came to me! I am already a fifth of the way through writing my sequel to Unlikely Friends. If you haven't read it yet, you better hurry up. It is only $2.99 and you don't want to be playing catch up when the sequel comes out.

I leaped off the radiation table with a huge smile, to the surprise of my radiation technician.
"That was amazing!" I said.
"What?" he asked.
"I know how to write the sticky section of my new book now! It came to me during radiation!"
"Do you think radiation caused it?"
"It must have," I said. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."

If you have followed my blog for any length of time, you know how I kicked and screamed about radiation. I was so terrified, and certain all the terrible things that can happen, would happen. None of them did. Instead, different terrible things happened that were no fault at all of the radiation therapy. Falling off my bike and breaking my rib was in no way related to the cancer or its treatment. It was related to being dumb. I cannot blame that on radiation, much as I would like to.

Anyway, as I went on a walk following radiation, I prayed with deep gratitude to God. I did not want cancer, yet He was with me through all the terrible surgeries. I didn't want complications, yet even the painful and life threatening blood clots did not remove the warmth of His hand in mine. I hardly enjoyed the broken rib right under the newly constructed breast, but even in that, God was present. Impact with my handlebar a centimeter higher, and the whole surgical work might have been destroyed.

What I am saying is I am NOT a strong person. I HATE pain, and do not tolerate it well. I could NEVER have endured all I have had to endure without faith in God, and without His very real presence. It has not been EASY, and I sincerely hope I NEVER have to go through any of it again. But...and this is a BIG BUT, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD.


Psalm 121:1-8 

A Song of Ascents. I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. ...

The Lord is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on those who hate me.

Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life.


  1. You have to be tough and we will pray for you our family has been their and done that prayers to you

    1. Thank you so much for those prayers John Decker!