Divergent Paths

For the record, practicing guitar is easier than learning Kreb's Cycle. If you don't remember Kreb's cycle, it is probably because you didn't understand it in the first place. Asherel and I made a chart, filled in all the co enzymes, products, ATPs, NADs, Acetyl CoA as needed, and then sat down together to do the end of section test.
"Don't answer unless we both agree," I warned her.
"What answer is most common, b or c?"
"That doesn't matter, we are not going to guess. We are going to determine the correct answer."
She looked dubious, "I think it is B. They almost never have A or D as the answer in multiple choice."

I gathered our chart of Kreb's cycle and our notes that we had taken in front of us. Then I took a deep breath, which by the way, is part of how Kreb's cycle works...it needs oxygen and is the basis of cell respiration. As Asherel's video teacher keeps telling us, "How cool is that?"
"Ready? OK, question number one...how many ATPs are produced as the result of glycolosis and Kreb's cycle? We can do this! We know this! 2!"
"No, 4."
"Don't answer! We don't agree."
"Mom, it's 4."
"Should we just guess B? I think you are right that usually it is B or C."
"Mom, I know this one. It's 4."
"Are you certain?"
"Yes."
"Well then go for it. I think it is 2."
The little video quiz instantly pops up the correct answer. It was 4.
"Oh!" I said, "I misread the question. I just thought we were looking at glycolosis, not Kreb's cycle too!"
Asherel smirked at me, "Read the question carefully!"
I won't tell you our final score, but we didn't fail. At this point, that gives me hope.

"What are you going to do with that Kreb's cycle chart?" asked Asherel.
"Hang it in your room."
She looked horrified, obviously picturing John, Paul, George and Ringo having to give up one of their prime wall positions to let Krebs in.
"No!"
"Well I want it to go somewhere where you will see it everyday and learn it."
(I would like to take a moment to let you parents doing early Christmas shopping know that if you have a teenager, you can cross the Kreb's Cycle poster off the Christmas list.)
"Maybe in the bathroom, then, " I said, picking up our Kreb's poster.

Guitar lesson was a blessed respite. Lenny taught her how to play another Beatles song, and I drew on my iPod. My brain ached.

I think Kreb's cycle is one of the harder things we will have to figure out in Biology. I can't wait for the sections on anatomy. Even genetics is easier than Kreb's. But the strange this is, I felt proud. I haven't worked that hard to understand something in a long time. Most of schooling high school level courses is providing mentors and resources in the areas I am not skilled in....which is all of them. Well, except for art. I think I am actually a pretty good art teacher. However, I took a subject I had not remembered at all, looked at several hours of text and videos with Asherel, and managed to understand it, at least to a small degree. And I am remembering something about school I had forgotten. Learning something that you were certain you could never learn is satisfying. Deeply satisfying.

We moved on to Poetry.
"Oh, today we read my favorite poem!"
"What is it?" She looked worried.
"The Road not Taken," I told Asherel.
I began to read. As I read, my eyes began to fill with tears. I could see Asherel rolling her eyes. Whenever  I read her a magnificent poem, I start crying.

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

Tears rolled down my cheeks and I tried to choke out the words, "Why do you think he tells this with a sigh?"
Asherel was still rolling her eyes, but paused, "Hmmm. He feels sorry for the road?"
"He doesn't personify the road so you shouldn't either. What do you think he's feeling if he retells this with a sigh?"
"Regret?"
"Yes!!!!! Why do you think he speaks with regret?"
(And please don't tell me because he had to learn Kreb's cycle before going on his walk in the woods.)
"Well, because he had to make a choice, and he wasn't certain it was the right one."
"You know," I told her, "Every choice means you must give up something else. So every choice involves loss. And sometimes, you will never know if the decisions you made were the right ones or not."
By now, I am really feeling like sobbing, because the poem touches the very core of my soul. So many decisions in life I look back on with regret, or with ambiguity. Was it the best choice?
"What does he mean in the lines-
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted I should ever come back."
"He won't pass that way again... the road leads him further and further away."
"Homeschooling is one of those divergent paths for me," I told her, "Every year I agonize whether taking that path is the best path. We give up alot as homeschoolers...but we also gain alot. I will never know if that choice was the best choice, but I can't go back, at least not to reclaim the years that have already passed."

I thought of all the choices, the really big choices in life that my beloved daughter will have to make. Later, without even knowing what sparked it, we were returning from guitar lesson and were discussing why I am so passionate, so strong in my opinion about certain things, mostly things of God.
"Of all the things I help you to choose, as a parent, what I desire more than anything is that you will choose God. It is the one path that I hope more than all others you will choose to follow. But all I can do is set forth the example, and my reasons while you are young. Ultimately, it will be your decision, not mine."
We were quiet for the rest of the ride home as I thought of the line from Frost's poem, "And that has made all the difference."

Joshua 24: 15
¹⁵ But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”

Meltdown

Perhaps it was the rain, or maybe it was the 3 hours of work that still loomed for my daughter, or maybe it was the muddy dog, or maybe the penciling in one more thing on the already overfull calendar...I am not sure what the catalyst was...oh, perhaps it was the list of catalysts  and enzymes Asherel is required to memorize for AP Biology which seemed like such a good idea when I was planning our highschool schedule in the summer and now as I read the details, less so....
BUT at any rate, something caused me to have a minor melt down. I have had worse. This one was contained and no permanent damage was done to those outside the 20 feet perimeter of the unexpected collapse of what had once been a functioning human being.

The art class had left, and as I scurried to clean up, I had one hour to get Asherel out the door and fed and ready for her church Youth Group. I had to vacuum immediately or the charcoal bits and dust from the class would spread like gangrene through the house. I grabbed the vacuum and then raced quickly to the refrigerator to be sure we had easy dinner food I could microwave. We did have chicken, and raw broccoli...that would do for two of the food groups. Carbs? What could I use for quick and easy carbs? Ah, leftover pizza. It would have to do.
Then I plugged in the vacuum and glanced at my watch. I had a half hour.
"I cannot do this," I said. And just like that, I melted into a panicked, overwhelmed, overburdened, pessimistic mess. Arvo, noting the vacant look and tendrils of radioactive dismay steaming from my nostrils asked if I needed help.
"I cannot do this," I repeated.
He took the vacuum and I robotically prepared the gourmet meal of leftover chicken, raw broccoli, and pizza. No one complained as we ate in near silence. I would've chatted but there was a tape playing in my head singing over and over again, "I cannot do this."

This, my friends, is a defeatist attitude. I have a wonderful family, and they try very hard. Asherel really could not be working any harder. She is a gem. Something has got to change in our schedule, but we are at a loss as to what it should be.

And then I started thinking about illegal aliens. Sometimes a mind that is melting does strange things. I am a nationalist, and I believe in sovereignty of nations, and I believe in borders, and in national pride etc...but for some reason, I started wondering if my premise was flawed. Why does one people have the sovereign right to close the borders to another? We are studying the Revolutionary War period, and both Asherel and I are filled with conflicting emotions. Yay, America! Oh, poor Britain. And especially oh poor Indians. The history of why we are a nation is really filled with courage, and ideals, but also with selfishness. Our claim to the land is based on who grabbed it more effectively from someone else. I know there are valid arguments for national rights, especially for a nation like Israel who has had a history of getting the snuff beat out of them no matter where they go. They need a nation to call their own, and they must defend it with every bit of energy they have. But I don't know. If I was a wretchedly poor native of a corrupt country, why should I, by accident of birth, not be allowed to go wherever I could make a better life? 
I think I am having a crisis of thought. This happens sometimes when I eat pizza, chicken, and raw broccoli for dinner. I did a word study of Nations in the Bible. There is no doubt God established and worked through nations. And He clearly chose Israel to be His chosen ones, a nation of people that He preserved, and untimately used to bring forth His Messiah, and plan of redemption of humankind. There are almost 400 references to nations, and how they will battle each other. Why so much unrest in my heart over nations? But then, in Psalm 10, God proclaims that in the eternal perspective, the Nations perish. The downtrodden will be heard.

I read over the AP Biology manual.
"Facts should not be taught over concepts," it said, "Lest the student be overwhelmed."
"Do you understand the concept of glycolosis?" I asked Asherel.
"I think so."
"Then we do an open book test tomorrow. If you get the concept, that is enough.You can just look up the enzymes."
I don't know about you, but sometimes a little perspective for me can provide a cooling flood of relief, and stay a nuclear meltdown.

Psalm 10:
¹⁶ The LORD is King for ever and ever;
   the nations will perish from his land.
¹⁷ You, LORD, hear the desire of the afflicted;
   you encourage them, and you listen to their cry

Check the Roof

When we dropped our friend off at his house after Gavel Club, he said, "Where's my notebook?" Then with a sickening sinking of his heart, he realized he had put the notebook on top of the car while evading the attacks of a younger boy who had never been taught the meaning of "Stop." As a result, the notebook was likely somewhere on the road between Gavel Club and his home.

Arvo and I had done that once, when we lived in California. We had taken our clothes to a laundromat and then while getting in the car, stopped to chat with someone. Arvo put the basket of clothes atop the car while we chatted. When we finished our conversation, we got in the car and drove home. Lots of people honked at us as we drove. Finally, Arvo realized the clothes were not in the car, and reached his hand to the roof. Ah...there they were! Another person honked wildly, pointing to our roof, and Arvo delivered perhaps the best line he has ever uttered,
"What's the matter? Haven't you ever heard of a car wash?"

When we got home from Gavel Club, my sister had sent me a "Spiritual Gifts Inventory." This 74 question document was supposed to reveal the gifts God has blessed me with so that I could be a mighty spiritual warrior in His kingdom. I really don't like self-analysis tests at all because they are predicated on two impossible premises:
1. That any of us are self aware and have hearts that are not continually self deceived, and
2. That we would be honest if the answer might reveal something we are ashamed of

For example, take the following trick question, "Do you seek opportunities to help others in need?"
It is clear what the Godly person would answer. But honestly, they needed to define their terms better. I could sincerely check off the box if by "seek" they mean, when you see a homeless person on the corner, you hand him a pre-made homeless person bag of food that you have stored in your car unless your teenager raids it in a fit of starvation which teens are prone to. However, if by "seek" they mean- do I drive around looking for homeless people to hand homeless people food bags to, well, then, no. I don't seek opportunities. So I checked the middle score. But was I being fair? Wasn't it seeking opportunity by having the prepared homeless food bag in the car in the first place? I erased the middle ground score and gave myself a higher score. But then, really, didn't I myself raid the homeless food bag when I was starving and wasn't it partially for selfish intent that I kept a stash of homeless food bags in the car? I erased my high score and gave myself the lowest score.

And then come those series of questions about inviting and entertaining people in your home. These questions aren't fair at all. It is too obvious that they are fishing for some proof that I lack the gift of hospitality, but who wants to own up to that? Besides, there is no place on the document where you can explain yourself. Nowhere does it ask, "If you had a home filled with beautiful furniture not buried under 6 inches of dog hair, and more in your refrigerator to offer guests besides homemade dill pickles and boxed wine, would you love inviting and entertaining guests?" My answer might be quite different given that caveat. Still, since it was a spiritual inventory, I decided to strive for brutal honesty. I checked the lowest score. Then I spent the rest of the day depressed because I felt like scum of the earth.

Oh, but then came the questions I could give myself the highest score on. Every single question about creativity I could honestly check off the top score of 5. I may be inhospitable, but I am creative about it!
Ohoh. Here come the faith questions. Honestly, I consider myself a faith filled individual but these questions were posed in such a way, that Jesus Himself was the only one that could pass. Every question was spent in agonizing introspection. I was smart enough to know what the question revealed, and then had to argue both sides in my defense nearly every time. I could envision God tapping His toe and pointing to His watch as I deliberated carefully over each answer.
"Do I pray for hours and days on end?"
Are they serious? Do they mean non-stop or cumulative snippets throughout the day?
"Do I fast regularly?"
Again, define your terms. I fast between meals. I rarely snack. That deserves some commendation in today's ready food society, don't you think?
And so on.

Then I scored my inventory. My highest score was evangelism! One of my lowest was faith. It would appear that I love to tell others about a God I apparently have some doubts about. Number two gift, close on the heels of evangelism, was "creative communication" and "encouragement". Ok, I agree on those ones. And third highest was wisdom and discernment. Worst score? No surprises here- hospitality. Well now, if you put all this together, given that I am wise and discerning, there must be a problem with hospitality that the less wise and less discerning don't know about. This is the only way I can live with my despicable, inhospitable self.  But that relatively low score on faith really bugged me. So I looked back on the questions that determined my lack of faith. First of all, there were only 4 questions. That in itself is a significant problem. 4 questions to assess something so critical as faith? And what were those questions that put me on the same ladder rung as Idi Amin.
"I love to take on challenging assignments in ministry because I know God will work things out in His own way."
Again, TRICK question! I would give myself a 5 on the end part but a 1 on the first part. So I gave myself a middle score.
Question 2 on faith-
"I don't tend to worry about material things because I believe God will take care of all I really need."
AMBIGUOUS!!! If you strike the word "worry" form the question, I score a 5. But any question with "tend not to worry" as part of it automatically disqualifies me from a score beyond 2, and even that is a stretch. Worry is unfaithful? This really worries me.
Question 3 on faith:
"When a situation seems impossible, I turned my concern over to God and experienced a wonderful peace, even when things didn't suddenly change."
All of that question was true for me except "wonderful peace", so I gave myself the next to highest score. Some might argue "wonderful peace" was the most important part of that sentence, but then I would have a lower faith score than I already have so I am sticking with my score.
Last question on faith:
"I enjoy praying with friends on a regular basis."
Tell me why this is under the category faith, and not intercession? And once again, this is a two or even three part question. Part 1: I enjoy praying ( highest score- I really do love to pray), part 2: with friends (very unbiblical question, what about how we are supposed to go pray in a closet? Lowest score but under protest), Part 3: on a regular basis- (undefined, fuzzy terms- what is meant by regular? middle score)

I threw the Inventory down in disgust. Am I really driving the road to God with my faith precariously balanced atop the car, along with hospitality? Don't all the other gifts rest on that bedrock? Shouldn't they be in the car with me?

I got a text message from my friend while I was ripping up the inventory.
"Found the notebook. All is well."

3 John 1:7-9

⁷ It was for the sake of the Name that they went out, receiving no help from the pagans. ⁸ We ought therefore to show hospitality to such people so that we may work together for the truth.

Psalm 119:30

³⁰ I have chosen the way of faithfulness

A Little Lower than Angels

As always, when I arrive, Comer and Evelyn were already waiting, seated on the foyer couch. They sat stock still, arms entwined, looking straight ahead with the same hopeful, expectant look. I noticed many residents of the assisted living home in the adjoining alcove, all singing while a perky lady played piano and conducted them, waving her arm in rhythm when she could break from a chord. I thought I recognized some folks from Evelyn's Alzheimer unit there as well.
"How nice," I thought, to see all those people joining together to sing. Evelyn loves to sing and I was surprised to see her mute, on Comer's arm, back ramrod straight, staring fixedly at the front door.
They recognized me then, and both smiled. I hugged them and helped Evelyn to her feet.
"Evelyn, you look lovely, as usual," I said.
"She's wearing her new outfit," said Comer.
"Oh? What's the occasion?"
"You," he said.

I remembered the frantic homeschool morning then, and how I had almost called to cancel our lunch outing. Asherel, sitting happily in the car with me still had hours of school work. I had muttered the whole drive over, "I don't have time for this."
I almost cried to think of Evelyn sitting there in her new outfit, and freshly coiffed hair, waiting for her lunch drive that almost hadn't come.

We decided on extra crispy KFC, and then found a neighborhood I had never driven them through. Most of it was rather run down, mediocre homes. They munched their extra crispy chicken and Comer told me about the nightclub he used to own that slowly lost money to a thieving manager. I had a "Romantic Songs of the 50's" tape on, and Evelyn sang along in between bites of potato wedges. Suddenly, a huge castle came into view. It was surrounded by a moat of water but we could only catch a glimpse of it. Thick stands of bamboo all along the property line occluded our view. We could see bits and pieces of the block long stone mansion, but not enough to really get a good sense of its beauty and size. Even Evelyn craned her neck, trying to peer through the small tree breaks at this enormous home, nestled so incongruously in the midst of modest, even ramshackle homes.
"I wonder who lives there," I said, "Wouldn't you love to be able to meet them?"
"I would," said Comer.
"You know, I have seen some of the rich people, and they look just like you and me."
"They do," said Comer, "In fact, some are just really down to earth. I once sat on a plane next to one of the top muckymucks at Coca Cola. We chatted the whole plane trip, and when it was over, I told him it had been a pleasure talking with him. He said the pleasure was all his. No one dared to talk to him normally, as he was so powerful, so rich, so influential. He said he was lonely."

It is startling sometimes to remember that even the rich people get lonely. And old. And feeble. Sometimes they get Alzheimers, just like the poor folk. In the end, God reminds us, death is the destiny of everyone.(Ecclesiastes 7:2). Even those people in the block long castle with the moat. They were not immune to the human condition any more than all their poor neighbors. The stand of trees might keep out intruders, might hide them from the curious onlookers, but it wouldn't hold back death.

In our recent Bible class, the instructor had made a very interesting point. Jesus had to die but more importantly, He had to rise again. Death came into creation as a consequence of sin. In paying the penalty for sin for all time, He had to overcome death, or the penalty for sin remained. At the Creation, everything was perfect. There was no death; there was no sin. When sin entered the world, so did a whole host of really terrible things, not the least of which was an ongoing slavery to fashion beginning with fig leaves to cover our shame. (One thing many of us probably don't realize is that without that bite of forbidden fruit, there would be no Chanel, Mark Jacobs, or Tory Burch. Fashion Designing would not exist were it not for the disobedience of the one rule God said Adam could not break. Remember the first thing the poor, cringing first family did when confronted with their sin was to cover their nakedness, which prior to that forbidden tasting party, they had not felt any shame over.)

But back to Jesus, and the penalty for sin. As soon as sin enters the picture, the creation is separated from the Creator. This is not hard to understand. Look at how immediately disobedience, anger, irritability or any sin you would like to name hurts and even destroys relationships. The more I see the consequence of sin, the more I understand God's disgust, and the need for extreme measures to banish it. The more I consider the Divine plan of Jesus bearing our iniquities, the more I am in awe of the whole picture. Jesus came to reverse what happened in the Garden of Eden. One man (Adam) started humanity down the perilous road of separating from God; and one man, Jesus, returned humanity to His side. Death was the penalty for sin, and all men must die. Eternal Life was the blessing offered when sin was completely atoned for, and all men could live by accepting God again on His terms. Death itself would be reversed. Jesus couldn't just die for our sins, taking the punishment in our stead. If His punishment truly were eternally atoning, as the Bible claims, then the eternal consequence of sin- separation from God, eternal death, had to be reversed as well. I suppose I had known that, but had never heard it expressed so coherently before. Our physical bodies would still perish, but our eternal bodies would rise again to be with our heavenly Father, and with my first dog, who had been such a wondrous creature.

I walked my two old friends back to the Home. I helped Evelyn brush the extra crispy crumbs from her lovely new outfit. Comer put his arm around her shoulder and they slowly shuffled back inside.
"She wore that new outfit just to go out with us," I told Asherel , as I slid back into the car, "I am so glad we came."

Hebrews 2: 9-10
⁹ But we do see Jesus, who was made lower than the angels for a little while, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone.  ¹⁰ In bringing many sons and daughters to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through what he suffered.

Two Mountains

I woke up early, but not so early that the sky should still look like the bottom of an ink well. Why is it still black outside? When do we 'fall back' an hour so that we wake up after the moon has gone to bed? In the inky darkness, I prayed for my friend with the broken pelvis and the one recovering from pancreatic cancer, and the new friend about to go under the knife for thyroid cancer. When I finished praying, the dog was still snoring, and the sky was still black, but I couldn't sleep. So I got up and read through the chapter I had left off in my last Bible reading. I can't remember ever noticing this before, although surely I have heard a sermon about it at one time or another and just don't recall. In Deuteronomy 27, as the Israelites have finally reached the Promised Land, crossed the River Jordan, and are now ready to drink  the long awaited milk and honey, God tells them to separate into two groups. One group is to stand on Mount Gerizim, and the other group is to stand on the adjacent Mount Ebal. The groups are separated by parentage- the Gerizim group are the children of Rachel and Leah, the lawful wives of Jacob. The Ebal group are children of the slaves of Jacob's wives. There is also Reuben,who committed an inexcusable offense and is lumped with these children born not of lawful wives. At any rate, the Gerizim group are told to bless the people, and the Ebal group to pronounce curses.  The Levites first remind the people of the laws they must obey or be cursed, and then the pronouncement of real curses gets underway. In the next chapter, the people are reminded of 54 verses of curses for various disobedient acts, but only 14 verses of blessings. The message is pretty clear....we are inclined to mess up and need powerful disincentives not to do so. I find this curious in many ways.

First of all, this is not the general philosophy of our society. I think we tend to want to shower with blessing, affirmation, positive reinforcement, ignore bad and accentuate good. I am not against any of this, by the way, but am seeking to understand something I never thought much about from God's perspective (as best as a finite, mortal, limited being can understand infinite, immortal, unlimited spirit.) We tend to excuse and rationalize bad behavior and understand compassionately its source. We are not big on consequences or punishment. We tend to look on ourselves as well-intentioned, but not always able to be good because of all the terrible obstacles that are put in our paths.

On the other hand, God seems to have a rather different view, at least in this portion of the Bible. The reminders of how we need to behave are quite lengthy and the immediate consequences of disobedience are not pleasant: pestilence, famine, disease, barrenness, sword, destruction and exile. Like any good teacher, God does indeed start with the list of blessings for obedience, but there are only 14 verses worth. Then He terrifies with 54 verses of really horrific outcomes of disobedience. This is not a God inclined to excuse or ignore bad behavior. And it is fairly clear that He felt the need to remind them strongly of what the Law required of them. Despite the reminders, if you read the whole story, you see that obeying the Law perfectly is impossible. We humans do not seem to be inclined naturally to obedience, or righteousness. We seem to prefer to take care of Number One, that all important ME, and if that means it is necessary to push Grandma over on the way, well so be it. God doesn't seem to feel we will follow the right way without a whole bunch of road signs to steer us... And 54 verses of reminders of what happens when we take a wrong turn. And a further caveat is added- if we disobey even one little portion of the law, we are held accountable for all of it, according to James 2:10.  Ouch.

So the groups on the two mountains are shouting out blessings and curses, while the people mill about, absorbing the message. Since the groups are the full population of Israelites, that means none are in the valley. They are standing on one hill or another. I think the message is clear. They are either blessed, or cursed. There is no in between.

But there is a mediator. Fortunately, in the midst of all this cursing, there is the reminder that after the people, who will sin, have been persecuted, dispersed, enslaved, and at times nearly annihilated, God will bring them back to him. They will be restored, prosper, and return to God. He tells us in Deuteronomy 30:6, that He will circumcise their hearts ...so that they will love Him with all their heart and soul...and live. Again, this is a section I have never paid a lot of attention to, but it is rather startling. The people knew about physical circumcision as an outward sign of their allegiance to God, but what is this symbolic circumcision? (At least, they are hoping it is symbolic...)  Later, the circumcision of the heart is mentioned again, in the New Testament by Paul in the book of Romans. It will be "by the spirit", and the law will be written on our hearts. Our conscience, molded and tugged by the Holy Spirit, will be our guide. And Jesus takes the curses of our disobedience on Himself. We no longer need to stand on a mountain quivering as the curses cascade around us. Jesus will now be the infinite source of blessing. It is interesting that the people in Deuteronomy 10 are told to "circumcise their hearts", but apparently, they are to do this themselves. They are still bound by the law, by the impossible task of following God perfectly on their own power. In the New Testament however, God will circumcise their hearts. The struggle to do ends, and we can just be. We rest secure, redeemed forever.

I finished my study of those verses, and glanced outside. The day had appeared somehow. The night and the moon were gone. It is the beginning of a new day, a better day, I hope.

Ephesians 1:3

  ³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

Out of the Well

I love sitting and watching the Dog Agility trials- there are always surprises, inspirations, heart breaks, startling achievement, bitter failure, joy, despair. Nearly every aspect of the human condition can be symbolically expressed in less than one minute runs. But my favorite ones to watch are the surprises- the dogs that have struggled to stay focused, the owners that have wearied of ever 'getting it', the sudden inexplicable gathering all one's wits and training together to coalesce in victory. Those are the runs that make me remember this is a world of hope.

So my picture today on this post is not too great. I was distracted by the dogs, but also trying to draw in blinding sunlight. I was having trouble seeing the iPod screen.

One of my favorite dogs is a big standard poodle- Drew. We met Drew years ago when we started with our club. Drew has boundless energy and loves everyone. He is forever racing wildly around the field, and distracted by the desire to visit and lick the ring crew. I remember his owner, Carol, once telling me after another wild run at a trial that she felt like throwing in the towel. He just wasn't getting it.  Carol is a saint- a tireless worker at our club, and a caregiver for her aged, failing mom, while holding a full time job as well. She never complains, and is always smiling, at least when I see her. So I always try to watch Drew when they are at a trial we are attending. I always pray they will overcome their struggles.

It was time for Drew's Open Jumper's Run. I stopped at the sideline, as I was passing by, glad that I hadn't left and missed him. It started well, and then on the third jump, Drew veered and began his typical exuberant, happy to be alive sprint around the jump. Carol stayed calm, and kept calling him back. I think he circled the area three times, then noticed Carol, and cleared the jump he had initially refused. In Open level, the dog is allowed 2 mistakes. Despite the large time expenditure Drew's romp devoured, it only counted as one mistake. I could see that Drew could have broken off on another wild romp at any moment; he had that joyful edgy look in his bounding run. But Carol stayed confident and controlled, and kept signalling him to the next jump, then the next, and then finally the last. The rest of the run, which had started so likely to end in failure, had been clean, and masterfully run.  So many handlers would have panicked and given up after that out of control race around the field, thinking it was no use, they would never do well now, and the dog was obviously not focused on the handler anyway. The run would have gone from bad to awful. Instead, Carol ran the rest of the race as if the first bobble had never happened. She ran as though she knew she could succeed. And the wonderful surprise was not only did Drew Qualify in that run, he placed first, finished his Open Level title, and moved up to the Excellent level.

We have all been like Joseph of the Bible, languishing in the bottom of a well, thinking our world couldn't get any darker or more hopeless. And then when we are pulled out of the well, we become slaves. And then we are unjustly accused and thrown in prison. And sometimes, we think that means it is all over. There is no reason to try any more, there is no hope, and the unfairness of life has finally battered us to the point where we decide to give up. However, in the end, Joseph ended up the right hand man of the King, and singlehandedly saved his people from starvation. And Carol and Drew won first place, believing that when you don't give up, wonderful blessings ensue.

Genesis 24: 56
⁵⁶ But he said to them, “Do not detain me, now that the LORD has granted success to my journey. Send me on my way so I may go to my master.”

Que Sera, Sera

I heard people grumbling as the first few dogs came off the course. The several inch layer of sand that had been unexpectedly covered over the hard pack dirt might have been fine for horses- but the agility handlers and their dogs were straining to run. Most of the dogs were disqualified or dropping bars on jumps they rarely miss. Asherel and Honeybun rocketed off the start line, exuberant and excited, and then it was clear that Asherel could hardly move. Honeybun was leaping and running, but leaving poor Asherel in the dust. Somehow they finished the course admirably, but Asherel was breathless and distraught, "I can't run in that!"
"Well, you did a very good job considering, and since you can't change it, just enjoy the next runs for what they are. Don't worry about doing well, just have fun and learn new things."

It was not the fault of  my dog club, who was sponsoring the event. They had rented the facility  with the nice hard pack dirt surface long ago, and were informed the night before the trial that the expected hard pack surface was now sand covered. The participants had long ago sent the checks, made hotel reservations, and packed their dogs for the trial. There was no way my club could change plans now. They hoped the surface wouldn't be as bad as it seemed likely to be.

The grumbling escalated. Several handlers told the organizers they were going home. I was in charge of finding workers for the first two classes. Since I looked official, with clip board and microphone in hand, I was a target for some of the frustration.
"I just wasted $400 on this weekend," said one upset lady, "They can just have my entry fee, but I am going home. I can't risk my knees or my dogs, running on this surface."
I glanced at my unfilled worker clipboard, "Oh...would you want to work the next class then? We need a ring crew..."
The woman glared at me and shook her head, storming off.
"Is that a 'no' then?" I called after her.

Finally, the judges and organizers called a powwow. There was a plot of grass outside the sand covered arena. If they used just one ring instead of two, meaning the show would take twice as long, they could move all the equipment to the grass. Everyone there had to unanimously agree to this change, or they would just slog along with the dangerous and impossible sand surface. There was one dissenter, and the whole new scheme was almost tabled, but then the dissenter was dipped in boiling tar, and surprisingly changed her mind. The entire mob of dog handlers now moved together to take down the temporary fence encircling the sand ring, and erect it around the grass ring. The heavy equipment was moved piece by piece, with the hundred or so participants each swarming about with agility jumps, tunnels, chutes, tables, A-frames, teeters, and numbered cones in hand, like army ants. Within less than an hour, the show continued on the grass field.

Many people still went home.  They didn't want to have to wait several hours (for some) between their classes. We ourselves had two to three hours between each of our three classes, but it was a beautiful, warm sunny day. There was some consternation that the show might not end til after dark, and Asherel might miss the party she was so anxious to attend with fellow homeschoolers that night. Still, it was hard to not be cheery in 70 degree sunshine, under blue skies in the middle of a quiet peaceful country. The show was at an animal farm, and I took a break and walked for an hour, looping along paths with zebra, ostriches, camels, potbellied pigs, guinea hens, turkeys, emus, and horses. The rest of the time, I worked all the classes except the ones Asherel was running in. Shockingly, Honeybun did not seem interested in all the animals, and was wonderfully focused on Asherel. She missed her first attempt at the Weaves in the Open Standard class, but then nailed it on the second try. That was the only mistake she made and in Open level, one mistake at the weaves is allowed. We suspected she had Qualified. (Qualifying means the dog performed with no more than two mistakes in the open class, and within the time limit, without knocking down any jumps. When a dog qualifies enough times at each level, he moves to the next higher level.) The crowd that remained was remarkably happy, and enjoying the slow pace of the one ring agility trial. It had all seemed so awful at first, with so many unhappy people and that impossible situation. Now, we all had sunburnt noses, and were sitting in our chairs on the grassy field, basking in the sun and watching each dog as it ran the course, cheering in unison when it finished. No one was grumbling anymore, and despite the long day, it had all gone smoothly. I think, it was even nicer out there rather than in the covered arena anyway,  there on the sunny field, with the exotic animals dotting the adjacent pastures. Not only had the mutiny been quelled, but the mutineers were all smiling.

And then, the last class of the day, as the handlers were walking the course, they all broke out spontaneously into song.
"Que sera, sera," they sang, "Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see, Que Sera, Sera! What will be, will be."

I had been in the bathroom at the time, but I heard the voices swell together, and I laughed. How wonderfully these fine people had tackled adversity, and made the best of a disappointing situation. I love that song and it reminded me of a favorite prayer: "God grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."

Then, I checked Asherel's score on the computer at the judges' table- she had indeed Qualified...and won first place.

 Isaiah 29:24:
Those who err in spirit will come to understanding, and those who
grumble will accept instruction.

Joshua 1: 16,17
...“Whatever you have commanded us we will do, and wherever you send us we will go. ¹⁷ ...Only may the LORD your God be with you....