Dangerous Activities

Unfortunately, Asherel is insisting we snowboard, so I am still looking for dates to do so, but in the meantime, I have developed a new malady from the even more death-defying activity....Canis Ambulavi - dog walking. Walking one dog is dangerous enough, but walking two dogs is something a beginner should never attempt without lessons, helmets, and pads.

Dog walking requires skills that tap every aspect of an athlete's physical prowess. Concentration and mental acuity must be intense, as at any moment hazards such as squirrels may cross in front of the athlete. The athlete must prepare for the inevitable sudden bone snapping lunge of the leash. Ear plugs are an absolute must in this sport as the decibel level of the eruption of barking has been known to topple skyscrapers.

It is highly advised that the athlete engage in rigorous weight training as the stress to the joints can be extreme. While the well documented effects of "squirrel passing" has been noted, this is not nearly as exhilarating as the "dog passing nearby" challenge. In this challenge of the sport, dogs seen in the distance while engaging in Canis Ambulavi can invoke the g-forces equal to astronauts leaving earth's orbit as the dog snaps forward. There have been reported cases of arms being completely detached from the body in these instances.

Some of the constant athletic requirements implicit in this sport include, but are not limited to: dexterity in untangling leashes from legs and paws, regaining balance as dog trods on heel and trips athlete sometimes purposefully (fouls are rarely called), and sudden unexpected stops as the dog has an uncontrollable urge to pee every 20 feet or so. There is considerable discussion currently of making dog-walking an Olympic Sport, to be sharing broadcast time with Curling.

So, anyway, the malady I have developed which is not uncommon with athletes of my caliber in this demanding sport is "anconagra". This is latin for "pain in the elbow" and the term in the vernacular is "dog-walker's elbow." I am now eager to try my hand at snowboarding, as Canis Ambulari seems to be fraught with too much danger and likelihood of injury.

Ecclesiastes 12:5
when men are afraid of heights and of dangers in the streets...