If I only had a brain.....

I am providing a public service for those of you who are struggling to be thankful on this day when thankfulness is elevated to a superstar level. If the blessings of breathing, opening your eyes upon a vast blue sky hung with heavenly lights, hearing the sound of leaves rustling,  breathing the smell of wood fires in the cold, or nestling in the arms of a loving God who is always patting your back is not enough, here is something everyone can be thankful for. Be thankful you were not me yesterday in the rigors of extreme mortification at the hands of my treacherous tongue and vacationing brain.

I had brought my iPod to the Apple Genius Bar, to belly up for a little Happy Hour repair. The on/off button was sticking to the point where I had to hire a professional trainer to turn it off. Despite having cooked all day for two days in preparation for the Thanksgiving Feast, I was not at all focused on Thanksgiving. I was focused on whether I would have to be without my iPod for a day.

The Apple Genius approached me, and I told him I had made an appointment. My iPod was nestled safely in my purse. He was a congenial fellow, and after asking my name, smiled in a slightly conspiratorial way, and asked, "Turkey in the oven?"
Now I don't know why I had completely forgotten it was the day before Thanksgiving but the question caught me completely unawares. "What is he talking about? " was my first thought, followed by a vague recollection of the euphemism "bun in the oven" for pregnancy. Surely he is not asking me if I am pregnant, only a week after I was mistaken for a senior citizen at the Souper Salad buffet, is he? OH, I realized suddenly, this is Apple Genius code humor for "Do you have your iPod with you?"
 I smiled back, with a wink, to let him know I was with him on his repartee at the genius level, and patted my purse.
"Yep, my iPod is right here," I said.
He looked confused, and Asherel, perhaps the only human being more mortified than me, said, "MOM! He means Thanksgiving turkey....in the oven...."
As if I were seeking to embarrass myself further, I burst out laughing and added, "OH, I thought you were asking if I was pregnant."
By the way, I do not have a quiet voice.
So here is a grey haired lady with her apparent granddaughter, shouting out in the crowded Apple store that the employee is asking her if  she is pregnant.
The Apple Genius began to laugh so hard he was almost crying, as by now so was I and even the horrified Asherel who was actively praying for Jesus' Second Coming right now so she would not have to endure another moment at my side.
"That's a good one," chortled the Apple Genius, "That is one of the best I have heard in a long time."

Thankfully, a different genius was assigned to my case, and he swapped out my old iPod for a new one, which has a functioning on/off button. I think my brain, like my iPod, had been stuck in the OFF position. It happens sometimes. It is hard to believe that I actually share genetic material with my 15 year old nephew who just got a perfect score on his first college calculus final. His brain is obviously in the ON position. I could chalk it up to senility but this type of situation is not uncommon with me.

As we left the store, Asherel asked me if I had ever been so mortified in my life.
"Oh yes," I answered, "Many times. Remember I lived with Grandpa."
She nodded understandingly.
"When we would be in the marching band, or cheerleading, or marching with the dance drill team out on the football field at highschool games, he would stand up in the football bleachers and yodel to get our attention."
"Yodel?" she asked.
"Yes," I answered as we headed to the car, "Like this."
Of course at this point, with my brain still stuck on OFF, I yodeled.
"That's enough Mom," said Asherel, "I understand."

So be thankful all you people out there who think you have nothing to be thankful about. But you know what I am adding to my list of things to thank God for today? A crazy father who nurtured quirky kids and filled our lives, at least in retrospect, with laughter. And I hope someday Asherel may be able to say the same.

And I am thankful for my heavenly Father as well, who for reasons only He can answer, made me with a sticky on/off button.

Colossians 2:6-8

 ⁶ So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, ⁷ rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.