Wrestling With God

I am cross-eyed with revision fatigue. The book I thought was done is undergoing major surgery. I have done nothing for days now but revise and edit. I hope all this effort is worth it.

Does anyone else ever get the nibble of an idea yanking on their brain, but it is not well formed and yet they feel they can not give up until they wrestle that idea into existence and find out if it was indeed worth all the trouble? ( oh goodness... when I reread that sentence I thought of Obamacare. That is not at all what I was thinking so strike that from your brain.) At any rate, that is where I am right now with the book I thought was done. I don't even know if it is a good place to be, but it won't let me go, and I feel I need to see it through.

When I was not yet a believer in God, in the corner of my eye, I thought I was catching glimpses of Him. I could not let the idea that He might be there go. It terrified me, to tell you the truth. I remember cross country skiing in a secluded area around a lake in upstate NY. No one was around. I was not at all afraid that I might be accosted by unsavory people, but I suddenly was terrified that I might meet up with God. I finally stopped skiing and shouted out loud, "If you are there, show me!"

He did not. Not then. Not visibly. I skied on, but I felt like I was being watched. That is sort of how I feel with this book. I know somewhere He is in it, but I am not quite sure how. So I am bleary eyed and weary, and I feel like I am wrestling. I hope all this effort is worth it...

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So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” The man asked him, “What is your name?” “Jacob,” he answered. Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.” Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.” But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.” (Genesis 32:24-30 NIV)



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