Proven Love

I tried putting my coat on in the car. Halfway through that maneuver, my painfully frozen shoulder got stuck. Any of you who have ever had a frozen shoulder may know what I am talking about. I was trapped: in too much pain to push my arm through the sleeve, but not able to pull it out of the sleeve either.  

What now? Call the police? An ambulance? With pain approaching agony, I gritted my teeth and forced past the pain, shoving my arm into the sleeve.

I had to regroup for a couple of moments. Laid my head back and closed my eyes. Let the waves of pain pass. OUCH.

I know there is a spiritual parallel. Once I can breath again, I will ponder what it might be.

Lately, the Lord has brought to mind things from my past that honestly I would prefer not to remember. All I can do is hang my head, and say I am sorry. I am amazed at the level of self-deception, and ease with which I disregarded God. I didn't know Him until I turned thirty, but his commands are written on every heart. All of us know right from wrong.

It was terribly painful to think about those things that bring me so much shame. I wanted to shove them aside, to forget, but just like my arm stuck in a place it could not go without immense pain, the only path was forward. I was on a long walk, and feeling terribly sad and melancholy as I sorted through those memories.

And then out of nowhere, I remembered something else. Ever since I was a little girl I have had the sense that someone was watching me. Maybe God. Maybe angels. I wasn't sure who it was, but I always felt it. And it terrified me. As I pushed my way through the awful memories of my past, I realized I no longer felt fear. I was still being watched but it no longer evoked terror.

You are loved.

I almost heard that audibly. And simultaneously thought, "And I love you. I no longer am afraid of you."


Jesus died for us while we were still sinners. He paid the penalty for our sin even before we admitted our sin, repented of our sin, or showed Him the least desire to live a life sanctified by Him and for Him. I know I am forgiven, but for whatever reason, He is leading me through painful realizations of the magnitude of my sin. It is not easy, but makes me love Him all the more. How much I have been forgiven! Perhaps that knowledge will be the key to me being able to forgive others.

I think spiritually we all must come face to face with who we really are before God. It is not pretty. Most of us are despicable. I know I am...and it was even worse before I knew God. But if we can push honestly through the pain of that self-examination we come to a remarkable understanding. Yes, that is who we are, but God loves us anyway. Incredible. Impossible. But after the tears of remorse I realized afresh, TRUE nonetheless.

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ROMANS 5: 7-9
…7It is rare indeed for anyone to die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God proves His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9Therefore, since we have now been justified by His blood, how much more shall we be saved from wrath through Him!…

Jeremiah 30:5-7

(5) "This is what the LORD says:
" 'Cries of fear are heard—
terror, not peace. (6) Ask and see:
Can a man bear children?
Then why do I see every strong man
with his hands on his stomach like a woman in labor,
every face turned deathly pale? (7) How awful that day will be!
None will be like it.
It will be a time of trouble for Jacob,
but he will be saved out of it.