Thursday, June 3, 2010

By Sight and By Faith

My little clone turns 13 today. I won't bore you telling you that it seems like yesterday I lay awake all night after giving birth to her, because I didn't want to stop gazing at her. Well, maybe I will bore you telling you that, because it is maybe the message for the day. She came out, all perfect and beautiful, and the nurse handed me my last and precious baby, and I never wanted that moment to end. I wanted to hold her close in that warm safe place with help hovering nearby should I need it. I wanted her to be snug and protected in my arms, where no horrid thing might ever befall her. I wanted her to always be so well fed, well clothed, and well loved as she was at that moment.

The nurses came in periodically throughout the night, begging me to let them take her to the nursery so I could rest. But I refused. I knew this night would never come again, that one day I would have to let her go, and I would have to sleep and trust that arms other than mine were protecting her. But for this night, I wanted to remember every molecule of her precious being and walk briefly by sight, not by faith, that she was safe and happy.

And that night did end, of course, but it is seared in my memory as one of the glowing best times of my life. It was followed by many joys and delights. The little girl loved art and animals with a passion that equals my own. She was still eager to hold my hand when my boys were becoming self conscious about that and striding off to their brave new worlds. And now she is 13, and I know that in the blink of an eye, she will be rushing off to places I can't follow.

I know that faith in God means believing in something we cannot see or feel, and like everyone, I have often wondered why He created something like Faith. How much easier it would be if we could just pray, and like a Genie in a bottle, God would materialize, and we could reach out and touch Him and say, "While your sunsets are awfully beautiful, I am not getting this pain and suffering aspect of life...." But easy does not appear to be the path God desires for most of us. And much of life would dissolve if we could not learn to trust by faith, not sight. My adult boys are rarely seen, but by faith, I trust they are growing into the image of their Creator, and held as closely in His hand as I once held them. By faith I trust that my 13 year old baby is internalizing all the good I pray and try to model for her, and rejecting all the bad that inevitably sneaks in. By faith, I struggle through sometimes inexplicable trials in life, knowing that "all things work together for the good of those who love God, who have been called according to His purpose."(Romans 8: 28)

And by faith I know that God is watching, all night long, all eternity long, and He is not closing His eyes on His precious creation.

1 comment: