Praising God in the MIdst of Struggle

Here is my cancer treatment strategy until docs take over: kayak and be happy in God's beautiful kingdom. I don't have any scientific proof, but it makes sense to me that a body overwhelmed with grief and loss is not a healing environment.

So after the diagnosis two days ago of invasive mammary carcinoma, I made a choice. I will praise God. I will choose joy. I will choose delight in all that I have. I will find laughter in the midst of fear. I will kayak until the surgery that may put the kibosh on kayaking for a while.

The first thing I did was cancel a haircut I had scheduled. Why spend money when my hair is going to fall out anyway? I chuckled thinking this. Then I found out I may not even need chemo, and I may retain my hair. Drat. Shouldn't have cancelled the appointment!

Friends and family poured out of every crack of my existence, calling, emailing, and texting with notes of encouragement and love, offers of help, advice, and kindness. Add to my list of happy thoughts: I am so blessed.

At night, in the quiet darkness is when fears have a way of nibbling away at one's hope. I found myself saying out loud, "No." I don't want this. I don't know how to do this. And a deep heaviness settled over me. But I have been consciously saying instead at those times, "Yes, God." Yes I know You are there. Yes I know You are with me. Yes I know all things work together for the good of those who know the Lord, who are called according to His purpose. Yes I will trust you when the darkness closes in. A calm passes over me, the dread dispels, and I feel comforted.

Today, I go for an MRI to further assess the extent of the cancer. So far, it looks like there are only two small lumps, and no lymph node involvement. This is all very good, and my "stage" is zero. That's the best stage to have if you must have cancer. I am praying the MRI confirms that initial impression.

I have done little research yet. My precious daughter-in-law and sister have done the research for me, with recommendations of surgeons and steps forward. My husband is handling all the insurance issues so I don't have to even think about it. My job: kayak and praise God.

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Psalm 91:1-16 

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, ...

Psalm 22:26 

The afflicted shall eat and be satisfied; those who seek him shall praise the Lord! May your hearts live forever!

Psalm 27:1

Of David. The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

Ephesians 6:12 

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Isaiah 41:10 

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.