Thursday, April 14, 2016

Expectantly Waiting When It is Hard to Wait: A Cancer Journey

I wrote almost 5,000 words yesterday on my new book. I won't tell you what it is about but it is IMPOSSIBLE. Could never happen. It is TOTALLY fabricated inside my brain. And GUESS WHAT? I googled a YouTube video on one facet of my story and it HAS HAPPENED in reality. I was floored. Totally floored. My wild story that was completely concocted in my head has its basis in TRUTH. Knowing this untangled a plot problem and the floodgates of writing sprung open. It should be an easy book to bring to its conclusion now.

Other issues in my life are still unfinished. The surgery for my mastectomy will not be the 20th, as we had hoped.(It is not that I WANT a mastectomy, but if I must have it, I want it over and done with.) It will be later...though I don't know when yet. It gets harder to keep smiling but I am trying.

In the midst of that disappointment, I got a package from my goofy sister, Amy. It is a hat with hair, modeled from the Disney movie Frozen. I didn't see that movie but the hat and long braids are fun. It is a child's hat...and fits me great. I have a tiny head. It made me laugh. Thanks Amy. Laughter is important right now.

I wasn't laughing when I called the nurse to ask about my surgery schedule. They had told me they would schedule it my hopes were raised. It STILL isn't scheduled, and may not be till May. I know I have an invasive cancer throughout my breast, and I know waiting is not good. I played the "I'm dying" card...but since all their patients can play that, it didn't have as big an effect as it might have. All I can do is wait.

There are lots of Bible verses about how to wait. If I need any guidance on my attitude during waiting, it is there for the picking. Here is a sample: 

“So you, by the help of your God, return, hold fast to love and justice, and wait continually for your God.” Hosea 12:6

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning. Psalm 130: 5-6

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices! Psalm 37:7

“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7

But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Micah 7:7

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.  Psalm 62:5

Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. Isaiah 30:18

We are to wait in silence, holding fast to love and justice, patiently, hopefully, expectantly, certain He will hear us, continually, without growing weary, and without fretting.

Is that how you wait?

Me either.

But God, Bless His Holy Name, is giving me yet another opportunity to practice!

One other observation and aside: I don't know how those who don't know God get through really hard things without complete and utter despair. I have lived both lives -- without and with God.  At age 29, I claimed Jesus as Lord. Life is not any less full of struggle, but I know I don't struggle alone and I know what awaits me at the end of the journey. The book I wrote speaking of how God was calling to me during those days of unbelief is free for the next couple of days. God Drives a Tow Truck can be purchased (free) by clicking this link:*Version*=1&*entries*=0


  1. You know those days when getting out of the house on time is impossible and you want to strangle someone or something, then on your drive, you come upon a traffic accident and realize the delay was a mercy gift? I will be praying this delay is a mercy gift for you.

    1. Onisha, you are exactly right. We may not know exactly why the delay was a mercy, but if God ordained it, we know it IS.