Friday, August 27, 2010

The Mother of Missteps......

With my job as honeymoon booker completed successfully, I thought it might be wise to peruse the duties of the Mother of the Groom, hereafter to be referred to as MOG. From everything I have been told, MOG doesn't do much but wring her hands and shut her mouth. So you can imagine my surprise when I realized I have already blown it, not two weeks into the engagement.

I went to and discovered a whole list of things the MOG should know. First of all, I was supposed to send a nice card to the bride's family. Well, I did indeed do this, but I did it the moment after I received a nice card from the bride's family. I had been so consumed with starting homeschool, arranging the honeymoon, and cooking/cleaning for the happy couple to arrive for the past weekend that I had put off the lovely welcoming card that I was supposed to send first.
Faux Pas number one.

My wedding consultant Holly assures me that the bride's family probably doesn't hate me yet. She warned me that I cannot afford too many of these slips however.

Two well wishers in the past week had greeted me as "Mother of the groom in beige". Given my fine intellect, I surmised this meant that MOG's wear beige. So Asherel and I went out looking for a beige dress, since now all the summer gowns would be on sale. This seemed sensible and frugal to me.

Holly was horrified, "EVERYONE knows the mother of the bride gets her dress first!" she ranted, "EVERYONE!!! You know that, don't you?" I detected a plaintive gasp of despair in her last sentence.
I am ashamed to admit I didn't know that. I did know that the mothers don't wear white and don't look like they are trying to upstage the bride, if that were even remotely possible in my case..... but now this new rule seems to be fraught with complications.
"How do I know when the mother of the bride (MOB) gets her dress?" I asked.
But Holly didn't answer because she had read my next email and realized I was hunting for beige, "NO beige, or tans, or ivories.... you will look like a bride wannabe!" she screeched,"And it doesn't matter now anyway because you DO NOT get your dress before the MOB. You can not clash with the MOB, upstage the bride, or dress like the bridesmaids or you will look like a fool."

I closed the emails with Holly as I was getting a headache. I went to a new website, . I am responsible for booking the block of hotel rooms for the groom's family and guests, and I must attend the wedding shower. These I actually did know. I also must match the formality of my dress to the MOB. I may offer help but be careful to back off and not offer any opinion. Colors for MOG dresses according to this site can be beige or tan....and even black! Black is no longer just for mourning.

"Black!" wrote Holly, "Only if you want the bride's family never to speak to you again for your entire life. But it doesn't matter - as EVERYONE knows the MOB buys her dress first. Comon, you can do this. It is not rocket science."

No, it is not. Rocket science is easy compared to this. For my own wedding I didn't know any of the rules either....nor did I care. We got married in my backyard, under a lovely arbor surrounded by the wildflower trails my mother had lovingly transplanted from nearby forests. I didn't know that dressing the groom's men in lime green was tacky. I liked green. I wonder if any of them wore their suits again?

Mom tells me she overheard one aunt mumbling the entire time, "It just isn't done this way." My sister made my wedding cake, which melted the night before the wedding. I thought the streams of rainbow color down the sides were beautiful.

"Just ask Karissa," Holly advised, "She will tell you what to do."
"I did," I told her,"She told me to wear whatever I wanted. She told me she thought my belly packs were cute."
And convenient too..... I am sure I will need to carry a full box of tissues. I wonder if my belly pack should match the bridesmaid's dress? I still can't find that specific instruction in my site.

In the end, none of it matters, not really. I know what really matters is that love is sanctified, and God's favor rests on those who love Him. I will do whatever it takes to keep from embarrassing my son and his bride, because I love them. Given my past history, I am not confident I will succeed....but it does make me think of how the law, the rules laid down by God, can never be fulfilled perfectly by any of us. I am not alone in this one. We all blow it, usually by breakfast. So God sent His own little Faux Pas Be Gone site- it is in dismal place called Calvary where the penalty for all my sin was paid.

Isaiah 62:5
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.


  1. Wow, and my biggest choice today is whether I should have tacos for lunch or dinner. -- Smiles, Carol

  2. i would go for dinner on that one.