My Soul Was Being Destroyed: An Abortion Worker Who Quit Tells Her Story

3-D ultrasound of baby in the womb. Legal to kill in all fifty states until birth

I heard about Gail (not real name) when I listened to a Christian radio station and heard her call in to Dr. Michael Brown's show. She asked if someone who was a Christian could work in the abortion industry? Dr. Brown was gentle and kind but the short answer is: NO.

Gail gave a heart-breaking testimony on air of how her soul was being destroyed the longer she remained working at the Planned Parenthood (PP). She believed the employees sincerely felt they were helping women, but all Gail could see were little babies being dismembered and murdered. The pay was good, and she rationalized that she was not doing the procedures so it was maybe okay with God. She worked in administration at this PP. (We have purposely not disclosed the location of Gail or the PP, but it is not in Charlotte.)

Nonetheless, she sometimes had to help in the POC room (Products of Conception) where she saw little baby parts in pans. Arms, legs, eyeballs. It ate at her soul until the day she tearfully called Dr. Brown. He assured her there were people in Charlotte who would help her. He got her contact info, sent it to Cities4Life director, Daniel Parks, and asked him who could help Gail.

Daniel called me.

I immediately contacted Gail. She poured her heart out to me, often sobbing as she told of the things she had seen.

"It's murder," she said weeping. "I saw an ultrasound during the abortion...and the baby was trying to escape...to get away...but he couldn't..." 

But jobs that paid that well were rare in her small town. She had a daughter to support. What could she do?

We talked at length about God. I have no doubt that Gail knew God. However, from the moment she started working at the abortion center, she could no longer pray. She said she felt God no longer wanted anything to do with her and she had strayed too far from Him to be welcomed back. I assured her that was not the case. I reminded her of the Biblical story of the prodigal son. When the father saw his wayward, rebellious son on the horizon returning to him, he ran to greet him with open arms and absolute joy. 

"That is how eagerly God longs to gather you back to Him," I told her. "But you must quit. Now. You cannot go back Monday. And we will help you. We have donors who will cover your needs and help you find a job. But you can't go back."

Terrified, but convinced that she MUST obey God, no matter what, Gail quit her job that Monday. Predictably, PP offered her more money and tried to lure her back. She held firm, but it was not easy. For three weeks, Gail held off asking for help, not wanting to allow us to help her. I stayed in touch, sending Bible verses and encouraging her. I insisted she allow us to help with expenses during her job search, and two donors immediately came forward to cover her rent and expenses.

"May I tell your story?" I asked.

"Yes," Gail said, " I want my story to end abortion, and to lead others to Jesus."

This is Gail's story.

When I was hired, I was put in charge of everyone. So I had to be aware of all the jobs. I didn't want to work in the POC (Products of Conception) room, but they told me I would have to. I heard and saw pretty much everything that went on. 

When women called for an abortion, they would be interviewed 72 hours before the first visit and told what to expect. Then at the first visit they would get an ultrasound, and were asked if they wanted to hear or see the baby's heart beat. Some did, some didn't. Some of those ultrasounds were so clear I could see the baby sucking her thumb.

No word was ever said about what the baby would feel or experience. In fact, we couldn't use the word 'baby' or 'parents' or we would be fired. There was never any information shared about fetal development. 

Then the women went on to  'consent and education' where they could decide on the pill if under ten weeks pregnant. Over ten weeks, they had to have a surgical abortion. They were told to expect clots and cramping...they were never told they might see the baby.  Then they were counseled about the three choices: continue pregnancy, adopt, or abort. Were they comfortable with abortion? That was the extent of the counseling. We actually HAD information about adoption for example, but we NEVER shared it with them. 

Many cried. If they were really upset, they were sometimes encouraged to go home and think about it. I remember times when they were encouraged to abort. One time, a girl was really upset. Her situation was really difficult but I could see she really didn't want to abort. The doctor told her that given her age and situation, it was better to abort. I tried to present other options, and the doctor reprimanded me. I told the doctor, "Aren't we here to support these women? Isn't that what we are supposed to be doing is giving them options??" The doctor didn't agree.

The worst part was seeing the abortions, and what happened afterwards. The baby NEVER comes out whole. The suction rips the baby apart. After the suction abortion, the parts go in a jar, covered, so the mom can't see. Then it is brought to the POC room and put in a pyrex dish, like a pie dish. All the parts have to be counted there to be sure they got everything. 

I asked when I was hired if they sold baby parts. They shied away from answering. I never saw them sell baby parts, but they did shy away from a direct answer.

I would look at that dish, and the little arms and legs...and I always wondered who they would have grown up to be. I would pray for them, and try not to vomit because it smelled bad and was so gross. Then, all the abortion products of the day went into a biohazard bag all clumped together, and into a deep freezer. It would be collected, and I think sent off to be incinerated. 

I always asked the doctors if the babies felt the abortion, but they said not until 24 weeks. I always wondered how could they say that? How could they know that? One doctor said, "I don't know why its a big deal. It's good money!"  Another doctor would pump her breast milk for her newborn baby in between killing other peoples' babies. I never knew how she could do that!

Once, I saw tiny fully developed hands in the little pyrex dish. Tiny, tiny hands perfectly formed...that was one of the last straws for me. I kept thinking that one day Jesus will return. I believe in the Rapture. What if He returned and found me doing THIS? I gave up my whole belief system for money. I was paid $70,000 and they offered more when I quit! It was very enticing.

But I just couldn't do it anymore. I used to be really happy, loved life, saw beauty everywhere before I started working there. Then, I started working at PP, and I was always sad, always tired, and really depressed. I even got put on prozac. A part of me was dying. My husband used to be a Sargent in the army, then he got hit by a bomb. He was badly injured and is on partial disability now, with the National Guard. But how I felt coming home each day from the abortion center was like a soldier who had come back from war. The emptiness. That's how I felt. Empty. I don't believe we were created to see so much death.

The abortion doesn't end when the baby is removed. It stays with you. You never forget. You never forget and you never get over it. You will always wonder what could have been because that's NOT your only choice. It's wrong. 

I didn't think there was any hope for me. I didn't think God would want me back after all I had done. I didn't know I could ever leave. I can't believe total strangers sent you money to help me. I just couldn't speak when I heard that, and started crying. If there is anything I can do to help you all now, please tell me. I want to share my story so abortion will end and people will come to Jesus.

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If you want to help fight abortion with us by our peaceful presence offering real hope, real options, tangible help on the sidewalks of abortion centers, click HERE.

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

2 Chronicles 7:14

If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.